Try TIGPaint. That might do it.

All you have to do to be indie is make obscure games with ridiculous titles, crude but flashy graphics, and difficult, unclear gameplay elements. Once you've got that down, you need to poke the lenses out of your sunglasses, wear trash you've picked up off the street as accessories to your clothing (which should be striped, checkered, or otherwise bright neon colors), and say as little as possible (this will help you appear to be vague, mysterious, and sooooo indie).

I heard that growing your lawn out until the neighbors complain also helps.

Don't forget to scoff at AAA titles as much as possible and dismiss them as corporate drivel.

I think this is starting to look like a decent definition. Someone prepare to apply to the dictionary people.

I'll go vandalize the wikipedia page 

All you have to do to be indie is make obscure games with ridiculous titles, crude but flashy graphics, and difficult, unclear gameplay elements. Once you've got that down, you need to poke the lenses out of your sunglasses, wear trash you've picked up off the street as accessories to your clothing (which should be striped, checkered, or otherwise bright neon colors), and say as little as possible (this will help you appear to be vague, mysterious, and sooooo indie).

I heard that growing your lawn out until the neighbors complain also helps.

Three blind mice.

One left-handed smoke-shifter.

Jackie Chan's Kung Fu is better than yours

No exceptions.

Side note: Chan does his own stunts, so that bit with the burning coals? Yikes.

Holy Shit.

The comments section. Read the comments section as your sanity slowly melts away.

Honestly that manatee was too weird for even my profile. Yeesh.

Yes, I mixed up "incur". Apologies.

I figured it would be best to just compare the two directly. The Android text on Liability, in full, is

12.1 YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT GOOGLE, ITS SUBSIDIARIES AND AFFILIATES, AND ITS LICENSORS SHALL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU UNDER ANY THEORY OF LIABILITY FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES THAT MAY BE INCURRED BY YOU, INCLUDING ANY LOSS OF DATA, WHETHER OR NOT GOOGLE OR ITS REPRESENTATIVES HAVE BEEN ADVISED OF OR SHOULD HAVE BEEN AWARE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF ANY SUCH LOSSES ARISING.

On the other hand, the Apple terms under the same section are

TO THE EXTENT NOT PROHIBITED BY LAW, IN NO EVENT WILL APPLE BE LIABLE FOR
PERSONAL INJURY, OR ANY INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR
PUNITIVE DAMAGES WHATSOEVER, INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, DAMAGES FOR
LOSS OF PROFITS, LOSS OF DATA, BUSINESS INTERRUPTION OR ANY OTHER
COMMERCIAL DAMAGES OR LOSSES, ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO THIS
AGREEMENT, YOUR USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE APPLE SOFTWARE, SECURITY
SOLUTION OR SERVICES, OR YOUR DEVELOPMENT EFFORTS OR PARTICIPATION IN
THE PROGRAM, HOWEVER CAUSED, WHETHER UNDER A THEORY OF CONTRACT,
WARRANTY, TORT (INCLUDING NEGLIGENCE), PRODUCTS LIABILITY, OR OTHERWISE,
EVEN IF APPLE HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES, AND
NOTWITHSTANDING THE FAILURE OF ESSENTIAL PURPOSE OF ANY REMEDY. IN NO
EVENT SHALL APPLE'S TOTAL LIABILITY TO YOU UNDER THIS AGREEMENT FOR ALL
DAMAGES (OTHER THAN AS MAY BE REQUIRED BY APPLICABLE LAW IN CASES
INVOLVING PERSONAL INJURY) EXCEED THE AMOUNT OF FIFTY DOLLARS ($50.00).

The bulk of both are the same, but the caveats at the beginning and end of the Apple agreement raises my brow a wee bit, to say the least. Considering that both the Droid and the iPhone are in the same market, I imagine that the "TO THE EXTENT NOT PROHIBITED BY LAW" statement there indicates that there are situations in which Apple (and, by extension, Google) can be litigated regardless of what is mentioned inside the agreements. Apple, unlike Google, decided to put out a limit on even these litigations.

I'm also unable to find any restrictions on distribution in the Droid agreement page, while there's a pretty explicit statement in the Apple agreement, specifically:

Except for the distribution of freely available Licensed Applications and the distribution of
Applications for use on Registered Devices as set forth in Sections 7.1 and 7.2 above, no other
distribution of programs or applications developed using the Apple Software is authorized or
permitted hereunder. In the absence of a separate agreement with Apple, You agree not to
distribute Your Application to third parties via other distribution methods or to enable or permit
others to do so.

(Section 7.2) Are there any parallel statements in the Droid agreement? This is a moderately serious monopolizing attempt.

Damages incurred by Google are pretty much by definition damages not incurred by you. The only exception would be if you are already working at Google, in which case the damages supposedly are incurred by both Google and yourself.

12.1 protects google from damages incurred by you. If Google drops a database accidentally and you lost a month of profits, that is incurred by Google and is consequently grounds for litigation.

But you can't sue Google for any damages caused by Google.  Because that is under direct damages from Google incurred by you.

Direct contradiction? Audacious.

Section 12.1

"ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES THAT MAY BE INCURRED BY YOU"

By you. Google is still liable for damages incurred by Google, unlike Apple.

"support of the Market and the Android platform" does not include continued publishing of the game, among other things. I'm pretty sure the only thing it is used for is customer data.

"you must continue to support any products indefinitly."

Where is this said? 7.1 explicitly states "You may remove your Products from future distribution via the Market at any time". The only things you're still responsible for are the profits and refunds and such.

Looks like identical rules, plus a little more (if your app gets pulled you have to refundall users who bought the app within a year, even if google chose to take it down).  It doesn't have the secrecy option, but the rest reads very similarly in a skim through.

Except:

-no restrictions on litigation if Google decides not to play with the rules
-"If Developer discontinues the distribution of specific Products on the Market, Google will cease use of the discontinued Products’ Brand Features pursuant to this Section 6.2" If you're done, you're done, and Google won't touch your stuff.
-Google is not allowed to take down apps for any reason. Only breach of contract warrants a removal.
So basically, none of the major exploitations that people are upset with Apple for. Hmmm.

It's BORING, anyone who's played any 2D Zelda should find this boring.

Anyone who's played any 2D Zelda should find this familiar

Why are you even going that far? At what point in Zelda do you hit switches and collect gems while the graphics deteriorate? At what point in REDDER do you hit people with swords and cast magic spells while confronting bosses?

The extent to which they are similar is the fact that both are 2D. There isn't any more likeness.

Are you actually designing/developing anything here, or are you just making steadily more ludicrous mockups?

Because I approve either way 

So with that in mind, I'm not entirely sure why Wired calls it "secret" 

Because developers aren't allowed to talk publicly about it?

Ban on Public Statements: As mentioned above, Section 10.4 prohibits developers, including government agencies such as NASA, from making any "public statements" about the terms of the Agreement. This is particularly strange, since the Agreement itself is not "Apple Confidential Information" as defined in Section 10.1. So the terms are not confidential, but developers are contractually forbidden from speaking "publicly" about them.

Well, among other things, Enviro Bear is a game, while YHTBTR is a song.

What about this game isn't striving for excellence? It's designed pretty well. The only beef I have is the backtracking.

This is total bullshit! I haven't seen a monopoly exploited so hard since the rockefeller years! (editors note: user was not alive during the rockefeller years)

Hey dolphin-face

WHAT PART OF MANATEE DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

Pika-pedo.

My friends and I have tons of fun with Halo 2/3 (back in Halo 2, we would go to Headlong and then fit every vehicle into one of the buildings. There were also soda machines that weigh approximately three thousand tons, which you could still manage to knock up the stairs and outside). Halo 3 we mostly just mess around with anybody and everybody online. Pray that you are never on our team in a Rockets match.