All you need now is Tim Allen and some wacky accidents and pixel art Tool Time would be complete.

I got some stuff but the most special thing I own is my Mighty Jill Off hat which I got because I'm cool.

D-Generation X uih.

I know they're actually terrible but I refuse to feel bad about listening to music that makes me smile so much.

You better not let Türbo catch you saying that.

I think that someone is going to have to leave the hall.

I'm jesting. It would be foolish not to deny that they have seen better days (though live they are unstoppable and you really can't help but get caught up in the spectacle). Despite Gods Of War being the most "Manowar" album they've put out, which is why I love it, the old days were much more magical. But if you hear the latest stuff they've done (or this one, it's very good) it sounds like they aren't a spent force just yet. It's almost like the old days all over again. We'll just forget that they felt the desire to re-record Battle Hymns, it was as perfect as it was.

I don't even know where to start. You name it, it lacks it.

Kyle Blackthorne finally traded in his shotgun for a sword.

I'd actually heard it before but didn't know it. I'm more familiar with their post-Hexx material so I've been under the impression that these drones were off an album by Sunn O))) all this time.

earth 2 'cos I got it for ten bucks.

In WGRealms 2, Duke Nukem fires homing rockets at a Cyberdemon who has a plasma rifle and when it explodes twice its body's supply of blood and organs fly out in all directions in a glorious hommage to nineties first person shooters.

We could go on for days about its use of resources from other games but I am so over that. This is about how damn cool the game is. I thought that version 1.1 was off the hook but v1.2 attaches proximity mines to it and uses the explosion to swing through the window whilst shooting lightning and minotaurs. This is basically the game that I've wanted since I was sixteen. The guns are spot on, the monsters despite coming from a bunch of different games fit well with each other which is either surprising or telling of the tastes of game designers and there's the exact amount of gore that I've been looking for. And the levels are huge and are very much "of the era".

I'm talking levels that are even bigger than the levels in something like Jedi Knight which had massive levels. Seriously, you could complete three episodes of DooM in the time it takes to get through Chaos Realms alone. It can be a bit much at times but you get, like, ten save slots. Take a break, have a shower, go play some Outrun 2006 and fall asleep in the afternoon sun then get back in there and frag some more undead battle skeletons.

Watch the trailers on its Mod DB entry, look at some screenshots and if you aren't totally pumped by the end nothing will get you in the mood. Well, maybe that minigun. Or those pipe bombs.

I now own Wrath Of Ashardalon but I will not have any time to play it until Saturday. I did have a look at that red dragon mini and it's very impressive. I probably shouldn't have, it's making the wait unbearable. Board games seem to be the only games that excite me nowadays.

Cowboy of the soul sounds like a pretty sweet way to live your life but the reality is probably tough and lonely. I won't make light of it.

Vendetta - Traitor's Fate

More German thrash. Vocalist sounds like Algy Ward (Tank) trying to impersonate Mille Petrozza (Kreator), the guitars really get the neck hurting and the drumming is quite proficient. I'm quite into this track and it pains me to put the album at bottom of my list of recent discoveries that I need to buy because there is plenty of stuff I still need to track down. Maybe I can find a way to bring it close to the top.

What if it's a burger that costs the earth?

I'm guessing that someone's turned our joystick into a cock by now.

Oh look, A.C. have a new album out. It's cock rock influenced.

It's been out for months and sucks pretty much 100%.

Just like all the other eh.

Oh look, A.C. have a new album out. It's cock rock influenced.

Metal fucking health.

The advantage of using a unified lighting and shadowing model. It looked even better than Severance and that had fantastic lighting. Say what you want about how it plays but you couldn't deny that it looked fantastic at the time and still looks pretty good even today.

Still having a few magazines and most of my coverdisks I don't so much miss nineties video game magazines as I miss shareware. You'd get your episode which was about seven or eight levels (sometimes ten!), most of the features from the full version and they'd usually be fronting the best stuff. If you had parents who wouldn't buy you all of the latest games or you weren't part of a "sharing circle" at school you could get a huge amount of mileage out of one episode alone and you better believe that we got all the mileage that we could. But it eventually died in favour of the demo which was pretty shit in comparison.

Warrant - Ordeal Of Death

Not the glam rockers, this is the speed metal guys. You can tell it's going to German even before the vocals come thirty-two seconds in because they've got that entire riffing style down. It's even got the "Speed Metal Swirl" on the cover so you can tell you're in for a night of booze, whiplash and a trip to the out patients.