About 40 minutes ago I was hired (dared?) on IRC to write a 500 word essay on a seemingly random picture that was shown. This person thought it was a joke and nobody would take his challenge seriously.
He was wrong.
I accepted his challenge and went about and beyond the call of duty to write a 5 page 960 word essay on this picture, and what it means. I present to you, my work.
Also, it is long if you didn't get the hint, so don't read it if you don't have the time.
Images that defy physics
By Adam Carlson
Cartoons have always defied physics, or more directly, they defy how we interpret motion. Take the “Fall rule” that many cartoons in the early days used. This rule is defined that “When a character is in a situation in which he would have surely fallen to a horrible demise in the real world, will only actually do so when he is aware of his situation. IE: When a character runs off a cliff (Step 1) he will continue his momentum in a straight line (step 2). He will then stop in midair step 3), hover magically while still (4), look down(5), look at the “audience”(6) and then fall down.(7) (It is important to note that in between steps 6 and seven the character MAY bring out a sign on which is stated the words “Uh-oh” This rule is known by many, and has generally been accepted. But what happens when a cartoon defies every sense of logic, physics, and overall good-taste in one single frame? Well, welcome to the wonderful world of pokemon.
Look at this frame from an episode of the series:
What does it mean? Clearly there are many ways of interpreting this picture. So lets go through them shall we? First off, lets think what the people who drew this probably meant by the image.
1: Anime is popular
2: Anime women are popular
3: Anime women with inexplicably odd-proportioned body parts are very popular
4. Apply step 3 to a semi-pedo character whose age has blissfully gone unknown
5. ??????
6. Profit,
7: (Optional) and possible man-juice
Who is to blame for this? That my friends is simple.
Barbie.
Yes, Barbie started this wild fascination that in-between your boobs and your hips, the thinner you can get you stomach, the better. Why is this? Common sense would say that somebody who looks like a twig would probably snap in half at a slight breeze? A man doesn’t want to be gentle with his stick-looking girl in the sack? So why is this image so popular in today’s culture? It probably has to do with the male psyche. You probably think it means a man wants his woman to be “lower” then him, so he can control them. Oh you’d think that. And you’d be wrong. The truth is men like weights. Lifting them, pushing them, whatever. Men like it. So the more a woman looks like dumbbell the better. Nothing would turn on a man more than using two dumbbell proportioned women (preferably naked) as weights for his arms.
That’s probably the main point that the picture is trying to get across. But that’s boring, so its obviously wrong. Lets take a look at some other possible solutions.
The lines are the biggest part to look at. Clearly, the artist is making the distinction that the soda can is directly the same diameter as this girls waist. There could be a few reasons for this.
1. Ash just happened to pick up this girls favorite soda. So favorite in fact, that has drank this particular beverage every hour of her waking being, and her body has contortioned horribly into the shape of its sole provider of sustenance. This mutilation is most likely caused by the mind hoping that this body look will attract the soda to magically float over to her in lust, and sacrifice itself to provide this girl some nutrition. This is wrong for many reasons. Not because its impossible, no it is totally possible. Its just that this particular time it is not a case of body controlled soda-lust. For one, the beverage Ash is holding in this example is in fact a can of “Ubermans Soy-bean oil paste TM” popular for use on various noodles and meat-products. So cannot be the case. Also the symbol of her hat proves that she is in fact the pro-vegetarian-lesbian coorporation so she would use that meat sauce on sausage anyways, in both sense of the word.
2. She is in fact a human shaped robot designed for various acts of lesbian sex, but due to various budget cuts she was not given the full amount of parts desired to create her fully, so the builders became innovative in that they coincidently replaced her torso unit with an expired can of “Ubermans Soy-bean oil paste TM “ and then painted over it. This is likely do to the fact that all anime characters are shallow soulless beings with no life in their eyes, so it is universally assumed that all anime characters are in fact robots built by an unknown race of Super pedo-men.
3. She is a hyper-bulimic that throws up everything she eats in an unhealthy manner which has reduced her waste to the size of a “Ubermans Soy-bean oil paste Tm” can. Depressing? Of course, so lets skip this explanation.
Overall, these are the main 3 reasons that are why this artist chose to point out this dilemma. There may be others out there, but they are probably boring anyways so you pretty much should take what ive said so far as fact, and don’t bother to go out and do research on your own. Besides, you would have more fun masturbating to Japanese anime “Ubermans Soy-bean oil paste TM” can looking women right? In conclusion Pokemon is a terrible show in that its rather crude sense of anti-physics and absurd body proportion will easily rot the mind of a 10 year old.
P.S. the reason Ash is shocked in the picture is not because she has taken off a mask, but because he is staring at her breasts and realizing this is one of the very few pokemon cast characters without double D cup sizes.
Player
