Hey phubans, I know this a bit late, but I was thinking about it overnight, and you know what? From my perspective, you are one of the indie elite, or at least you have to power to be if you really wanted to.
You're friends with Derek Yu.
You're friends with Cactus.
You live in San Francisco which is where most of the famous indies live (or atleast in the Bay area), and where GDC takes place.
You go to TIGJam and have met all the people there, like Ed and Tommy, Chevy Ray, Rich Vreeland, Matthew Wegner, and everyone else.
Yet you keep complaining. You are where many of us dream of being and you still think the world is out to get you. I don't know, maybe it's a solipsism thing, but I think if you spent more time working on ambitious projects you would shoot to the top pretty quick.
I don't mean for this to sound rude because I think you're great, just trying to share my perspective.
You're right, and I shocked myself with my behavior. Instead of counting my blessings and focusing on the successes, friends, and great times I've had being a part of the community, I slipped into this state of mind where I felt like I was a jealous outsider all over again, fighting for the good of the underdogs or something. I really don't know what got into me, or how I lost sight of everything for that one moment. I guess I was just a pretty sore loser who got carried away with ranting on the Internet.
When I look back on the whole thing with a little more rationality, I'm not even sure why I acted the way I did; I mean, Spunk & Moxie isn't my dream game or anything, and I know it's not the kind of game that the IGF would typically select, and I think I knew all of those things going in, which is why I'm surprised I was so upset to find out it wasn't even worth an honorable mention for the mobile category. I still maintain that it might be a better game than some of their selections, but overall the winners are all worthy. And to answer the question that someone asked on TIGIRC of, "Why is phubans so proud of his shitty game(s)" well, I take pride in my work and I obviously take game development very seriously, so it hurts to feel irrelevant, even if I'm just blowing things out of proportion or getting caught up in bad old habits/ways of thinking.
It's tough going from being the only kid in my school that ever wanted to do this to growing up and facing a world where it seems like everybody wants to do it, and feeling drowned out by the competition. Sure, you can say that losing just means one needs to try even harder, and that's exactly what I intend to do. Whether I lose or fail at it, I intend to make games as long as I draw breath. That's just who I am. And I just want to say thanks to you, Gabe, and all my friends, for being there for me on my journey of growing and being my true self... Not the asshole I've been in the past.
Player
