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[shinygerbil]

There is no spoon spitoon.

>

[ravuya]

> ask God where the high explosives are

[Caio]

As you finish your prayers, light comes down from the skies and a voice penetrates your amind:

"My son, thou art standingeth near a fuckingeth atomic bomb... ... ...eth. What elseth do thou wanteth?"

And then adds:

"So, how d'ya like my archaic English? Ha ha ha ha ha..."

The light vanishes, and all is silence again.

Marching band enters west.

>

[Bezzy]

> Imagine a tree.

[bigbossSNK]

The trombonists panic at the sight of the tree you have willed into existence and start playing the theme song of "An inconvenient truth". The tree, considering the possibility of Al Gore giving it a hug, quietly commits sepuku.
A log sits where the tree you had imagined used to be.
The band marches further towards you.

>

[Madgarden]

> roll log at band

[moi]

The front row of the marching band watches with horror as the log starts rolling toward them, they are paralyzed by fear and strong pavlovian reflexes that prevent them from interrupting their routine. When they finally react it's too late, the back rows of the band keep on marching, oblivious of the danger, pushing the first row forward.
One of the  drum players, a fat teenager with red cheeks, trips on his instrument while trying to run away. He is comically trampled to death by other musicians, some of whom eyes widen with terror as soon as they take notice of the rolling log. But the rest of the band keeps pushing them in one fatal direction. The trumpet ensemble sounds more and more like an elephant in agony as the players don't manage to stay in tune while crying.
Bono is squatting next to you, quietly sobbing near a pool of his own vomit, trying not to wath as the first row of the marching band is inexorably flattened by the log.
In less than a minute it's over.
All that's left on the floor is a substance that looks and tastes like cat poo mixed with spaghetti a la carbonara.
Bono has disappeared into a singularity.
The log casts the Town Portal spell and is teleported somewhere.
God rolls his eyes and decides not to be involved anymore.
>

[Alec]

> rofl

[Jimbob]

You now have sick mixed up in your clothes and hair.
Well done Roger! You've done it again!

>

[ravuya]

> Go to mailbox

[Caio]

You approach the mailbox.

>

[ravuya]

> Activate atomic bomb
> Run like hell

[Caio]

You place the atomic bomb near the mailbox, set the "timer" dial, press the "BOOM SHITZ" button and start thinking about how does hell run. After consulting a few philosophy books and the Bible, you come to understand that hell, being a place and not a living being, doesn't run at all, so you sit down and yawn.

The bomb goes off.

Noise. White. Silence. Black. Nothing.

--*--

You are standing in an open field which has apparently been target of a nuclear explosion. You can feel the radiation, the terrible power of the fallout, crawling beneath your skin. All of sudden, you realized something is different - you have changed.

You are now

!! THE AMAZING TIGSMAN !!

A sign nearby reads "MANLOVE NUKESITE". There is a small yellow package in the ground.

>

[rz.]

>use manlove to open package

[Ivan]

You come to your senses a few minutes later, covered in sweat and panting heavily. You are on ground next to the small yellow package, now torn apart with the unstoppable power of your manlove. You stare at your hands in speechless wonder.