So have you ever watched like some really old porn, the kind they made back in the 80s when the stuff was sold in adult bookstores that littered the highways with a semi always parked outside? It's some pretty neat stuff. Like the girl will be waiting inside her home, big hair, tight blouse, all sultry looking and I can't remember if the tan was in style but then a guy would show up. He's usually a plumber or whatnot and the lady rushes up to the door and they talk for a little bit, usually a few minutes or so. Then there's something about pipes and then the lady leads him back to the bathroom and he spends the next few hours cleaning out the buildup in the sink and we get to see it all in full detail. But he's done and once he finishes he mutters something about "the other pipes" and then she gasps and the tape ends. Turns out it's part one of three and your boner is shot.
Anyway, I took the liberty of procuring your Kickstarter page
and watching the video and that's exactly how the video felt. I don't really care about all that backstory, I don't want to hear Old Man talk for hours, I wanna see what this thing is all about. If this were any other thing, I would've shut the video off after the first minute or so but for you I stuck around. Concept art, OK, some sprites, OK I guess. Why is the dude talking about the staff. He's giving me a tutorial but no actual gameplay to pair it to. More concept art. TWO MINUTES AND I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW THE GAME PLAYS.
At least the sprites look nice.
Anyway watching, watching, finally gameplay and then that thing with the ice spell came on and I went all COOL THIS IS WHAT I WANT.
But by then it was already three minutes into the video. Three minutes.
That's like long enough to contract gaming prostate cancer. Flaccidity is your destiny.
Look, yes it might not be fair that reputation alone can back a game. But don't let that one door be the only thing you focus on! You still gotta look nice, you still gotta shave up those rough bits. If I don't know about you, I'm not gonna care, and it's up to you to make me care
in the limited amount of time you have before I get bored. Gimme some hardcore close-ups of that tight gameplay!
Launch a thick, creamy load of tactics
right into the player's mouth!
Ron Jeremy taught me what it means to be a man, and now it's time for you
to teach me what it means to be a gamer.(but whatever, I have no reason to give criticism, since I'm making an inferior-looking game and all...)