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[G1ynn3]

Hi guys,
I'm Glynne, a 25 year old entrepreneur who is on a mission to make sure we avoid the inevitable market saturation and solve the issues surrounding discoverability.

I believe in defying the status quo.
I defy the status quo by working with my team to provide elegant, simplistic, community building strategies for game developers.
My company markets video games.

Please give me any feedback you have

Let's reshape the industry, let's unite.

Thanks

Glynne.

[petertos]

Last person I remember was on a mission (from God) were the Blues Brothers (LOL). 

Aside from this, I'm interested and curious on how are you going to merge what you say you are going to merge. I'll send you an email.

[SterlingDee]

It's all very nebulous...I don't understand what you are pitching here.

[G1ynn3]

I'll remember to cut the nebulousness, next time
I've published the PDF online, so you can read through our service overview.
Let me know what you think!

Link: http://freepdfhosting.com/924b4e59e0.pdf

[SterlingDee]

Ok, some feedback:

you need to get to the pitch way earlier in your documents and posts! This written document is way too text heavy (there are entire paragraphs that could easily be cut out). At least break the first page up with some images. I would be weary of hiring anyone who could not communicate an idea succinctly to do marketing.

Also, this document you've posted is unattractive (colour scheme and text layout especially: you better hope a graphic designer never sees this because he/she may hunt you down for your design crimes).

[Xienen]

I have to agree with SterlingDee, though I don't believe it's quite as critical as he makes it sound.  The document could definitely use a graphic designer's touch and the writing could slightly be improved, but you are pushing an indie marketing company to indie developers; it doesn't have to look perfectly "professional".  I wouldn't necessarily be turned away by that document if you had a history of success or were willing to start the process for free in exchange for a high percentage of the revenue going back to you.  If, however, you are expecting to be paid upfront for your services, then I agree the document must be improved.

[SterlingDee]

I guess that's a good point - I never considered that the service might be free.

But a professional looking document would be just as beneficial for a free service, especially if the organization has no track record. You communicate a lot about the service and brand through the quality of sales documents. Create an amateurish (no disrespect intended - I gather you are not a graphic designer, OP) looking sales brochure/pdf and you communicate that the service will be amateurish (even if it isn't).

[Graham-]

Interesting. I don't get what you do yet though. You have a hook but not a pitch.

[G1ynn3]

Thanks for your feedback, I'll take it on board for the new iteration.

[SterlingDee]

Good luck! Hope I wasn't too hard on ya :D

[Guildenstern]

 

This advertisement needs a LOT of work. Also most of it should be on a website as well, rather than a .pdf. You appear to be trying to provide marketing for broke people. Good luck with that.

[G1ynn3]

Thanks for the insight, your opinion is invaluable.
It's best to be open and honest, to enable for a much stronger, more complete service.

[Graham-]

I've been thinking about this.

Consider. You have a business that provides a service, to indies who aren't used to such a service, at least I believe. What does it do?

I mean, if I were a business and I was looking for consulting then I'd just search around and find the best fit. But in this case I feel that biggest barrier is understanding why I would want consulting in the first place.

Like, what does your service look like? I get that you want to help market things and you have a list of things to do, but I don't see the how. Since the how isn't established I care less about the presentation and more about the content.

Show me how you might market something. I think that's the most important point.

[G1ynn3]

That's perfect, thanks for your time.

[Graham-]

*shrug*. You're welcome.

I think indie marketing is a big need. Greenlight, console dashboards, review sites: these aren't enough. We need something more.

[G1ynn3]

We're working on a video to show you guys how the service works

How does this read?

At GloLiquid, we believe in the power of connections.
We believe that the deepest bonds are not made through the biggest, most explosive marketing campaigns, but through the many tiny similarities between people.

The way we connect people is by making our service personal, direct and emotionally engaging.

It just so happens, we market video games, would you like to try our service?

[Graham-]

G1ynn, sounds airy: content free.

I don't care what you believe. I want to know what you can do. Don't be lofty. Be specific.

"We can get your exposure from X to 10X. We'll do it with these 3 things."

That stuff is nowhere. It reads like you don't know how you will do that. If you're not specific in your presentation I wonder if you're not specific in your mind, and makes me worry that you'll be lots of lofty promises and not a lot of useful action.

You aren't addressing my biggest concern. I don't have 5 other marketing firms knocking down my door. I have 0. I don't know what I am doing. What do you _know_? How can you help me? Can you get me likes? Views? How? What can you do that I can't. I have lofty goals too.

A pitch like you have given works if you have a track-record. In that case your results speak for your content, and your pitch speaks to your attitude. Results are the most important. Convince me of them.

[G1ynn3]

THAT is what I needed to hear from you.
Thanks for helping me to help you

[Graham-]

Hahah.  

We all need help.

[G1ynn3]

You're right about that!
Here's the new overview, with the how section explained

We break down the barriers of discoverability, to help grow your brand:

Attracting press and media interest to your games is one struggle, converting the press coverage into an active community is a whole other beast.
Thanks to the shifting markets, traditional marketing is no longer as effective as it once was & we know how important time is to you.
This is why we went and built a framework which enables us to micromanage the whole marketing process, ensuring that nothing is left to chance.

Sales and marketing are a delicate art form & with the internet making information easier to share, we have seen a power shift from buyer beware to seller beware. Customers can now find out anything about your company and your products, so we use this to our advantage. We provide you with bespoke social media strategies which focus your communications through the inbound, conversation lead platforms such as Facebook and Twitter, enabling you to grow your online presence.

We support the long term development of your studio, by helping you build a brand identity which projects the image of your products that you want to share with the world.
Our knowledge and expertise in brand communications ensures that we provide you with an objective and opinion of what the image of your company is & how best to broadcast that with the world.

At GloLiquid we offer you our media marketing, social media, press and branding services to grow your company to be the best it can be.
Our team brings you the knowledge and experience you need to avoid all of the potential potholes which could be fatal on the road to success.