Drawn by its aroma, but cautious of one another, the three men slowly approached the chocolate cake. Each had something different in mind - one was interested in the icing; another, in the five little candles; and the third one, in the weapon of mass destruction that was hidden inside it all. She remembered what her father had said, as he tucked the edges of her black scarf into the collar of her long wool coat: "you are very brave, my dearest one. We will never forget your name". As she left, she found the woods to be cold. The dead of winter was harsh, but at least she wore thick clothing. Nonetheless, she couldn't turn back now. She had to push on. She had to push on for him.
Suddenly, a badger appeared. The badger made a curious stare at the woman, seemingly wondering if the woman was a badger, as well. Suddenly, a gunshot! The gunshot startled the woman, who as it turned out really had been a badger all along. Suddenly, in a fit of reverie, she wondered if it was all worth while... Then, a policeman arrived on the scene.
"I heard gunshots! Is everyone alright?" he asked, glancing around the scene. The badger jumped to his face, blinding him. He felt strangely aroused by the contact, even though he was not into that kind of fetish. But the badger was instantly forgotten because the Mongol horde suddenly burst into the scene, their foul sulfurous odour washed over him as he steadied his AR2 at them, wondering as he did so where he acquired such a curious weapon. The badger, upset as he was by a mongol horde that had burst in to his scene so gratuitously, did his utmost to bring the focus back to him, his efforts unfortunately being lost on the ancient warriors who were currently busying themselves with raping and pillaging the kitchen.
"I say," said Tolui, descendant of the great ironworker himself, "Did anyone see an animal when we came in here?". But the Mexican bandits he'd hired were too busy cooking salsa and didn't like that joke anyway. After an appreciable amount of time, the extra spicy, tigerlicious, Tigsican-Style salsa was ready for consumption. The vaguely-Hispanic rogues passed the pot around and ladled copious amounts of salsa into their sloth-skin canteens. The haggard group of vagrants, vagabonds and rapscallions ravenously poured the spicy salsa concoction from their canteens into their gaping maws, a glimmer of glee in their eyes that had not been known for many years. Slurping the Superb Salsa, each scurrilous scamp swore they saw sights second only to the seemingly superlative Xanadu. He remembered his father was, in fact, a fat frivolous fawn, fweep feep beep beep beep - the alarm clock went off and I woke up from the strange alliteration fest.
Loget's Literary Lexicon was lying on the sheets beside me, and I knew I shouldn't have taken it home after eight shots of Cuervo Gold Lime Twist (TM). As I was lying next to the alliterative object, I thought about how I probably had disappointed my father at this point, what with the drinking and all. I had even lost the black scarf I held so dearly. Then, I realized what I had done. The scarf, it was hidden in my closet! Running upstairs as fast as I could, with nothing but that single scarf on my mind, I noticed something on the walls. There were flowers all over them! Then, it slowly dawned on me that, somehow, I was now outside... Where had my closet gone? I picked the flowers to smell their scent. They crumbled under my fingers; they were clearly not recently picked. I had to think there for a moment if I had ever brought this many flowers home. I wasn't sure, but I decided to trust that I was indeed outside. I concluded that I should be on the lookout for badgers.
The faint, sickly sweet odor of the blossoms suddenly struck me as being familiar, as if a long time ago I had encountered a similar substance. So enraptured was I that I failed completely to notice the hollow, boneless hand that slipped over my shoulder and around my neck. The badger pulled his rough furry hands harder and harder, trying his darndest to tug the life out of me through my neck while I tried my darndest to hold on to consciousness; his darndest fortunately not being any where near my darndest, as I soon displayed, ripping his hands away from my neck and turning to face him.
"What is your problem?" I cried, grabbing the furry shoulders and shaking, my excitement lending me horrid strength, lifting the creature in the air. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"
The beast chortled. "Nothing much, in fact, all I want is YOUR SOUL ." Suddenly, a slithery appendage burst forth from its chest cavity and latched on to my torso, around the naval region. I laughed, loud and hard as the beast sucked my soul from my bodily shell;
"You fool," I exclaimed. "My soul is as black and corrupt as locusts in the night - you only consume your own destruction!" The monster realized all too late the truth of my words and as I slipped into the icy clutches of death, I saw through blurred vision the beast howl out in agony and explode in a blot of darkness. And then, nothing.
It's been formatted for legibility, not for attribution purposes. Essentially, the breaks are based on aesthetics, not on authorship.