Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length

 
Advanced search

1411279 Posts in 69323 Topics- by 58380 Members - Latest Member: bob1029

March 28, 2024, 03:11:34 PM

Need hosting? Check out Digital Ocean
(more details in this thread)
TIGSource ForumsPlayerGeneralindie gamers and disability
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Author Topic: indie gamers and disability  (Read 2673 times)
jprogman
Level 1
*



View Profile WWW
« on: April 21, 2014, 09:06:34 PM »

I'm hoping to find inspiration about indie developers with a disability since I have a disability myself. Specifically, I have a developmental disorder (pervasive developmental disorder) that affects my communication and socializing skills; which means I'm not very talk-active and often too shy to speak publicly -- among other things. I love to design games as it is my strongest trait to represent myself, considering unemployment and all. Although, it's a struggle to get into the world and push towards my limits of my communication troubles.

I've been making games for about 10 years now; all freeware. But lately, I'm having difficulty to find hope in making games as my disability seems to suck the enjoyment out of it. I find my disability is a leading cause of my fatigue, which have cost me a lot of productivity time. However, I still love to program games and engage in game development projects and I'm still following my goal in that field. I still got ways to go in development, but I hope to get some notability in my work regardless of a disability.

I hope to hear some stories regarding game development and disability to show motivation.
Logged

~JProgman ~ I Made Mosaic Mingle ~ My Web Portfolio ~ @jprogman ~
JWK5
Guest
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2014, 12:04:19 AM »

I am diagnosed bipolar and had struggled so badly with social anxiety for a time that I was unable to leave my home or often even my room for a good two to three years. I was able to dig myself out of that social anxiety hell but I still I go through the waves of reckless energy and creativity into overwhelming apathy and lethargy as a result of being bipolar.

In the last year a disc had ruptured in my neck and I had to have a spinal fusion which has left me with intermittent numbness in my limbs, fingers randomly refusing to move (locking up, which is very frustrating when playing video games or drawing), blinding migraines, and an assortment of muscle spasms. So after a lifetime of learning to cope with mental hurdles I am now having to learn to cope with physical hurdles as well.

But that is what they are, hurdles, not walls. If I really want to do something bad enough I stubbornly plow right through my hurdles like a bull through a china shop. For example, I went from being cloistered in my apartment for years to immediately going out and getting a job because I was introduced to a woman I liked and dated. The real problem for me has never been the hurdles, but finding things I want badly enough to get past them. You might take a leap of faith for a million dollars but maybe not for twenty dollars. You have to know what will really motivate you and to what degree.

Whatever it is you do, you should always figure out what is currently pulling your strings. I mean, if you are hungry making games won't make you less hungry and no amount of progress on your project is going to shut up all those signals your body is sending you. When you're hungry it is hard to think about much else but food, but once you've eaten the signals stop and the hunger is gone. The same is true of things like loneliness, which is a very nasty byproduct of most social disorders. Making a game won't compensate for a lack of social interaction, but that lack of social interaction will nag at you constantly as you try to make your game.

You are hoping for notability, but I'd recommend instead to try aiming for connectivity. Create a game as a tool to make friends, communicate with others, share your interests, take in the interests of others, etc. You will find the more connections your project creates the easier it will be to see it through and the more motivation you will have to do it.

On a side note, communication and socializing has less to do with how you are communicating (within reason) and more to do with who you are communicating with. The shyness often comes from what you are afraid you will reveal about yourself and what others will think of what you reveal (through speech, mannerisms, physique, etc.). The two means I've found past that is to either just put myself out there and accept that some people will think I am weird or whatever or find people who also have the traits I am afraid to reveal. It turns out most people are a lot less judgmental than I was. I constantly judged them with the assumption that they would negatively judge me, yet I found myself getting along with most everyone.

I don't know the specifics of your situation so take everything I've said with a grain of salt, but anyways that's my two cents. In the end, if you really want to make games and you have the tools to do it you will make it happen. If you aren't making it happen then consider the possibility that it might be because that is not really what you really want to do right now.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2014, 12:21:01 AM by JWK5 » Logged
mixzed
Level 1
*


EX Slacker+


View Profile WWW
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2014, 08:26:39 AM »

Interesting topic.

My disability is physical, I was born with a rare hereditary bone disease. Without going into too much detail I basically grow bones (tumors) over my bones and joints. I had to go through a lot of corrective and experimental surgeries when I was a child up until I was 21 years old. I'm 33 now and I mainly have to deal with pain on a daily basis from nerve damage and tumors. I don't really like to talk about what I've seen or been through because it depresses and frustrates me too much. 

I spent my teens and 20's working on games because it was the only thing I could really do when I had to spend entire summers in my room. It was an escape into a world that I created for myself with my own rules.

As a result of spending a lot of time in and out of hospitals as well as having a view of myself of being hideous, I don't really have an ability to connect with others socially and I prefer to be by myself rather than in the company of others. Facebook and twitter are perfect examples as I don't really understand how they work and whenever I try to use them it feels so forced. Strangely, I'm not shy and I love speaking in public I just feel envious of "normal" people (Normal meaning  anyone that's not like me). I'm trying really hard to better myself because it is fast becoming a "social" world and by not learning to connect with others you put yourself at a disadvantage - especially in this field.

I find that music really helps me find a place inside myself where I can develop my projects with a certain inner peace. I don't feel fatigued or frustrated. I also recommend finding someone to talk to that you trust and ideally isn't biased. I feel like a lot of social developmental problems I've had was due to not having anyone to talk to that put the effort in to understand what I was going through.
Logged

Kali 9RubedoSYNCCOINS!
Impmaster
Level 10
*****


Scary, isn't it?


View Profile WWW
« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2014, 10:48:58 PM »

These stories are kinda inspiring, tbh. The idea of disability meaning just a hurdle that brings out passionate people. The most I have is reallly terrible eyesight, meaning that I'm nearly blind.
Logged

Do I need a signature? Wait, now that I have a Twitter I do: https://twitter.com/theimpmaster
jprogman
Level 1
*



View Profile WWW
« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2014, 10:03:24 PM »

These stories are kinda inspiring, tbh. The idea of disability meaning just a hurdle that brings out passionate people. The most I have is reallly terrible eyesight, meaning that I'm nearly blind.
It could be more inspirational if there are some achievements or goals like releasing a game or getting featured by another web site, etc. That was what my expectations are after starting this topic.

One response:
I don't fully understand Facebook and Twitter myself as conversations are not my strongest skill. I can't start a topic at the top of my head as i don't know how or when to start without sounding forced, disjointed or awkward. Hence, I don't use Facebook, but I casually use Twitter.

My question to any of you with a disability: did you made any games and have some success stories to share?
Logged

~JProgman ~ I Made Mosaic Mingle ~ My Web Portfolio ~ @jprogman ~
Superb Joe
Level 10
*****



View Profile
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2014, 11:36:12 PM »

facebook and twitter are a lot like this web site that you  are currently posting on, just they look different and arent about video games
Logged
gimymblert
Level 10
*****


The archivest master, leader of all documents


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2014, 10:04:01 AM »

There is plenty people with disabilities at least within indie space and they also kick ass. On a cultural level Able-ism is just now having discussion thanks to "the social justice" awareness movement. There is also many disable gamer that rock ass, some even going into hi level tournament.
Logged

jprogman
Level 1
*



View Profile WWW
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2014, 08:37:26 PM »

Unlike TigSource, twitter and facebook are BIG. So big, your relatives are using it. Still where ever I go, it's very difficult for me to start conversations or even reply to them. (Not counting right now as I have a motive to respond.)

I did join Twitter in hopes to get involved in the social justice, although that is getting too much hopes up.

If there are any noticeable disabled game developers, I would like to know their names so I can find their names when they pop-up in the indie game news or blogs.
Logged

~JProgman ~ I Made Mosaic Mingle ~ My Web Portfolio ~ @jprogman ~
gimymblert
Level 10
*****


The archivest master, leader of all documents


View Profile
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2014, 01:26:13 PM »

MMM that's a bit tricky lol I see some discuss but I don't really care the condition (they don't attract attention to this, genarally you don't kn,wo someone have a "difference" until they hit a roadblock where it matter, for example I followed plenty trans dev before knowing they were) when they just make game, they are just regular people. I think soulliard (indie brawl) and the guy of sea of meme are people with "health problem". They don't where it on their sleeves though.

But this get discuss sometimes if you follow the "usual suspect", on twitter mattie brice, leigh alexander, marrit koopa, mikki kendall, not disable but from there you can see retweet or discussion and follow the trail to people you want, if you are lucky.

I'll try to see if can actually find exactly what you want.

Quote from: David Helgason Founder of unity3D
I have seen a guy making a game in Unity at Nordic Game Jam a few years back who could only move one finger... he had a helper pushing the CMD and ALT keys sometimes, that was it. He was the lead developer on his team, a really brilliant coder too, and when he needed to use the editor a lot he wrote editor scripts that did the things he needed

So when it comes to overcoming disabilities I'm quite the optimist as long as the person has the energy and willingness to fight his limitations (and we have limitations of various kinds anyway).

Disable gamers on the other side are just a google away to find
http://www.ablegamers.com/
« Last Edit: April 29, 2014, 01:35:43 PM by Gimym JIMBERT » Logged

.
Level 0
***


View Profile
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2014, 04:16:58 PM »

i just have a somewhat rare hearing condition that doesn't allow me to hear things as they are. it developed some time ago and now i can't really enjoy anything auditory because it hurts to listen to things. and the audio part of games was really important to me. music in general gave me inspiration to live. now i can't do much with it and there is no cure. when i first contracted it, i maintained that i would rather be deaf but i don't think that way anymore since being able to hear something is still a nice thing, no matter how botched it may be.

a human's hearing organs are so so frail, yet it doesn't seem like enough is known about them at the moment. i pray that a proper cure will show itself one day so other people won't have to suffer like this.
Logged
Amirai
Level 1
*



View Profile WWW
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2014, 07:42:50 AM »

Shit, is that hyperacusis/acoustic shock disorder you have? If so, I have that too. It's a fucking nightmare. I have to spend 23 hours a day hiding in my room from sound and can't even stand the sound of my own voice for long, if I don't first my inner ear starts to burn then it feels like I'm being stabbed in there with an electrified screwdriver. I can't explain how devastating it's been, especially on top of my other health problems.

I have a problem with my hands that causes an intense burning pain after a short while of using them for anything and a problem I think with my sciatic nerve where I can't sit or stand for longer than about an hour and a half at a time.

I miss music and the things I used to be able to do so, so much, like just talking to people without having to keep conversations to about a half hour. When I go outside to take out the trash I actually feel nostalgia for the gentle breeze of the outdoors. I spend the vast majority of every day trying to distract myself from how unhappy I am.
Logged

jprogman
Level 1
*



View Profile WWW
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2014, 10:06:09 AM »

I never realize that kind of hearing trouble before.

I believe the misconception of video game design is being a master of every assets like programming, art, audio, stories... tons of stuff. It's a good possibility that there are a few stuff we cannot do on our own. Speaking of music, I'm not a musician, so I rely on free-to-use (no loyalties) music to add onto my games. Story-writing isn't my strong point due to my flimsy English grammar and writing, so I often skip dialogs.

Usually video games are made by more than one people who has a specific task. We can't all be super-independent, we need some collaboration. One thing that we all need to think are the things we can do best and not just the bad things.

What I'm hoping to achieve from all of this is finding achievements or things that challenged indie gamers have done.
Logged

~JProgman ~ I Made Mosaic Mingle ~ My Web Portfolio ~ @jprogman ~
.
Level 0
***


View Profile
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2014, 01:03:16 PM »

Shit, is that hyperacusis/acoustic shock disorder you have?

yes. and i sympathize with everything you wrote. the whole experience has been very difficult to deal with, especially considering that it might never go away.
Logged
ryansumo
Level 5
*****



View Profile WWW
« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2014, 07:41:06 PM »

I'm someone who is not disabled but recently fell into that category due to a knee injury.  While only temporary (hopefully), living with a gimpy knee for two months has opened my eyes to the host of issues that people with reduced mobility have.  I'm starting to see the design flaws of the environment in which I live in (the Philippines).  Take my apartment for example.  I never considered it an issue that the stairs leading up to our apartment didn't have any form of disable access.  No ramps or anything.  We have an elevator that goes to the underground parking, where there are short ramps to get you on the ground.  But someone in a wheelchair would have to muscle their way up a steep ramp that cars use to get in the parking area just to be able to have a stroll around the apartment complex.

These mobility issues were hidden from me until I experienced them firsthand, so maybe a game that lets people experience these issues in the form of a game might lead to a better understanding of the things that you deal with everyday.

@jprogman sorry I don't know of any stories of inspiration to share with you, though I'm sure they're out there.
Logged

Uykered
Guest
« Reply #14 on: April 30, 2014, 08:59:02 PM »

How do you deal with sound effects and music when making games with hyperacusis, can you still listen to them at a lower volume or something?
Logged
.
Level 0
***


View Profile
« Reply #15 on: April 30, 2014, 09:21:42 PM »

How do you deal with sound effects and music when making games with hyperacusis, can you still listen to them at a lower volume or something?

it depends on severity.

lower volume doesn't help but it's certainly preferable over loud things which just hurt immensely. it messes up how you hear things, it's like all sounds are exist to make you feel pain. currently i don't see a way for myself to handle the music or sfx unless i fine tune them very carefully so that they do not clash with any of the unpleasant frequencies. which is a very limited selection.
it might just be a better idea to ask someone to take care of it and just trust that it sounds wonderful.
Logged
ஒழுக்கின்மை (Paul Eres)
Level 10
*****


Also known as रिंकू.


View Profile WWW
« Reply #16 on: April 30, 2014, 10:32:36 PM »

i have http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postural_orthostatic_tachycardia_syndrome which isn't all that bad but it did cause me to faint a lot when i was a kid until i figured out what it was (it's also a pretty new area of research, they didn't even really know about it when i was a kid)

it's somewhat genetic in my family; one of my cousins and one of her two sons also has it. it's a pretty strange collection of symptoms, but all are related to the inability of the body to regulate blood pressure. so sometimes my leg swells up with blood if i sit in a certain position, and if i stand too quickly i get dizzy, etc. etc.

i also get kidney stones occasionally, but i'm not sure i'd consider that a 'disability' per se, it's more of a recurrent disease
« Last Edit: April 30, 2014, 10:41:53 PM by ஒழுக்கின்மை » Logged

Impmaster
Level 10
*****


Scary, isn't it?


View Profile WWW
« Reply #17 on: April 30, 2014, 11:24:03 PM »

Is anyone on these forums just perfectly healthy?.....
Logged

Do I need a signature? Wait, now that I have a Twitter I do: https://twitter.com/theimpmaster
Eendhoorn
Level 6
*

Quak


View Profile
« Reply #18 on: May 01, 2014, 03:51:19 PM »

I think the thought of "you can do anything as long as you have the will, no matter your disability" is very disrespectful. Some people are not able no matter how much they want to, and even if they do it was still incredibly hard and has still unrepairably affected their lives.

I might react too strong here, but it just gave me a bad vibe reading some stuff here.

I have some medical issues and am not able to do any sports or prologued use of a computer. I was just as passionate about my sports as about making video games, so I'm pretty sad I'm unable to do that anymore.
I didn't use a computer for 3 months, then I bought a windows surface tablet and that works a bit better and I figured out I'm able to program for a couple of hours a day.

My condition is getting worse so I'm in the strange position where I want to get out my game and put some kind of footprint of my existance on this planet, but on the other hand I have to restrain myself from working too much and injuring myself further.
Logged

Amirai
Level 1
*



View Profile WWW
« Reply #19 on: May 01, 2014, 08:31:45 PM »

yes. and i sympathize with everything you wrote. the whole experience has been very difficult to deal with, especially considering that it might never go away.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Sad I know what you mean, the fact that it sometimes doesn't get better and is so fragile to getting worse, is... well, calling it difficult to deal with is certainly an understatement.

How do you deal with sound effects and music when making games with hyperacusis, can you still listen to them at a lower volume or something?

Keeping the volume down is better than not turning it down, but it isn't really sufficient. Even doing so, I have to keep it so low I can't accurately hear what's coming out of the speakers, and even then I can only listen comfortably for about 30 minutes if I've been careful to avoid sound. Otherwise it can take me like a week to 'save up' the ear endurance before I can listen for that long. As such, I haven't worked on audio for my games since I messed my ears up. I really wanted to make the music for my games, as I love composing music, but that's not an option anymore so I'll have to get someone else to take care of it. At best I could get the composer to incorporate some unfinished music I composed before I hurt my ears.

it depends on severity.

lower volume doesn't help but it's certainly preferable over loud things which just hurt immensely. it messes up how you hear things, it's like all sounds are exist to make you feel pain. currently i don't see a way for myself to handle the music or sfx unless i fine tune them very carefully so that they do not clash with any of the unpleasant frequencies. which is a very limited selection.
it might just be a better idea to ask someone to take care of it and just trust that it sounds wonderful.

I don't know if it will help at all, but I've found that some speakers are easier on the ears than others. I can listen to my bookshelf stereo speakers for about 3 times as long as I can listen to my ipad, and louder as well. As I mentioned above though, that's still not for very long or loud.
Logged

Pages: [1] 2
Print
Jump to:  

Theme orange-lt created by panic