so uh okay.
wow.
nobody will respond to this besides me i think but that's honestly the worst thing for you because you really desperately need help, and i actually think you have a lot of stuff that could be cool here and i think that's great and i think you have almost no idea what you're doing and i'm not quite sure anyone is ready to tell you that. and i don't mean this in a mean way, although i'm a crass fucking individual so i'm going to be rude. i will be blunt, and it will hurt, and hopefully you will learn something: there's no fucking possible earth where you're going to get one thousand dollars in the next twenty five days and here's exactly why
one: this looks repulsively abysmalyour game actually looks like it's got some pretty good fucking things behind it! some things you've shown in the videos
actually look fun. so what's the problem?
you're presenting a kickstarter with nothing. nothing. nobody will click on this because they'll assume it's shovelware. they won't trust you. they'll feel unsafe looking into it. the art is terrible. there's no sound to the videos, and the videos are poorly edited sub-windows-move-maker-core things. what possible reason would a human being who isn't your friend or relative have for throwing money at this?
there's no visual appeal. people won't even click the video.
two: your writing copy has no voicedo you even care about what you're saying?
read this back to me and tell me honestly that it doesn't seem like an eighty year old man trying in vain to connect with the kids of america:
Shoot and dodge your way through 80 challenging levels to save your sister Echo from the evil Frank McCloud. Remember, make it rain!
this leaves no impression. this feels so
well
fake.you sound like you're trying way too fucking hard. talk conversationally and like a real person and don't try to come up with some weird tagline if that's not what you're good at. the copy's gonna come off as terrible otherwise and people will be turned off by that like they were the artwork.
related:
three: you come off as insufferably arrogant or, worse, foolhardyand so do i, but at least i'm aware of it. i have a know-it-all, bullshit hotshit look-at-me attitude and i know i'm an asshole. and i apologize for that, i honestly do.
but this is just:
My goal was to create a mobile game that was fun for all everyone and I'm happy to say that I did it!
bad.
and it shouldn't be. the thing is that this is going to be harder to understand because confidence is definitely not a bad thing. but this doesn't read as confident when combined with the problems above and below. this reads as you either having too much of an ego to see some absolutely critical flaws with the idea that this is a game that "all everyone" will enjoy (that brings me to point four, incidentally) or being naïve enough to think what you're presenting is marketable and polished.
four: you desperately need to proofreadthis may sound hypocritical coming from a man who posts entirely in lowercase but at the very least my choice to do so is deliberate. the same can not be said for this:
I'm raising money for advertising ; let's be honest without it my game has very little chance of success;a drop in a river of water.
this sentence is pretty awful for many reasons and you have no idea how semicolons work but my purpose here isn't to attack you or pile on you so i'm just going to leave it at this: please get an editor if you find yourself incapable of proofreading your own writing. probably, actually, go the extra mile and hire someone to write copy for you because
five: this feels like an ad machineholy shit, you're even doing a kickstarter
literally entirely for advertising too, this isn't even a moving target.
but look at this here:
Casual Game Play
80 Challenging Levels
Collect and Shoot Water Drops to find rain clouds
Defeat McCloud's minions
Day and Night Mode
Power Up forgiveness(power ups are returned if you don't beat the level)
Kids Mode(makes the game easier)
NONE OF THESE ARE DECENT SELLING POINTS BESIDES MAYBE THE LEVELS THING? maybe? and even that is written in a way that seems silly (protip: do not ever, ever, ever again use self-promoting language when writing copy. "challenging?" no. don't. say "eighty levels." leave it at that. it feels insincere to claim your levels are challenging. they are levels. maybe some people will find them challenging. unless you're making super meat boy and your absolute intent is to punish the player, don't do that. and even then, don't do that, because if you do it then you're still being ridiculous.)
plus, on top of this, you've got "eighty challenging levels" right underneath "casual gameplay." do you see the contradiction here? are you trying to intentionally throw off your audience? the language is one hundred percent defeating itself.
six: your rewards are terriblethis is more my opinion i think than the rest but holy hell. you're delivering powerups? you're already saying from the goget that the game is REGULARLY going to have ads inside the game? why do a kickstarter at all? holy hell! HOLY HELL!
your rewards are literally nothing more than incredibly manipulative in-app purchase packs. everyone is going to see that and think "yeah this game is kinda shitty and shady" if they didn't already think it because of everything else.
seven: thisBeing that the game is mostly complete I don't see any major challenges. There is a possibility that my game won't be accepted by the Google store because of a violation but I will make the changes needed to get it approved.
here's the thing, dude.
your game is not mostly complete because you're lacking polish and tact.
i'm not attacking you, although i might not be saying shit in a nice way at all, and that's actually terrible of me (like actually; i'm not being sarcastic) and i'm sorry but i don't know how else to really say it directly. but.
this game needs work. this game needs more effort. put up a devlog. learn to do better art. hire someone, maybe, or find an artist here willing to work with you. it can happen. spend some time in this forum and learn what kind of games people like.
you have something good here underneath the bullshit. it doesn't have to be like thismaking games successful is absolutely not about marketing or advertising. those help, but a million ads wouldn't put a dent in this. even if you miraculously scrounged up the thousand dollars to market this game you'd be going nowhere.
you're not realizing you don't have the groundswell....the core advertising thing....in the first place that you'd need to make a successful kickstarter. you're doing this literally backwards.
you're not engaging us, you're closing yourself off from us, and you seem like a fake person because we don't feel you're real. there's a reason a lot of successful kickstarters have a person talking to you on camera. that reason is simple:
people like it when things are being made by real people. people feel safer and more connected with someone if they know who they are, even a little bit.
don't just spam your game out. don't just throw it together. don't rush things. polish. be a person. get a twitter. don't use facebook, ever. get a tumblr. use this forum. talk to people. don't assume your game is finished. and please take what i'm saying to heart, and please don't let it get you down. this is not an encouraging post to make, so let me tell you:
you aren't terrible. you aren't bad. your kickstarter is. that's all. your game isn't even bad. you just need to give it a little more love.
please do, and you might get somewhere.
peace out and good luck in the future.