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TIGSource ForumsCommunityTownhallI started Kickstarter to raise money for advertising, all feedback is welcome
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Author Topic: I started Kickstarter to raise money for advertising, all feedback is welcome  (Read 837 times)
antmatrix
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« on: October 03, 2014, 11:22:34 AM »

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/183896565/squirts-odyssey
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antmatrix
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« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2014, 11:24:28 AM »

Some more info:


Hi my name is Anthony Munoz and I'm not technically a game programmer; actually I'm a Network Admin with a desire to create. After a couple of unfinished books on various topics, an unsuccessful online business; I decided to write my own game. My wife has been supportive throughout my struggles and pointed out that I never follow through on anything. What she was saying wasn't new to me, I was quite of aware but the way she said it changed me. I decided at that point I wouldn't give up no matter how difficult game creation turned out to be. My goal was to create a mobile game that was fun for all everyone and I'm happy to say that I did it!

Pledge today to get early access to the game, extra power-ups and even a t-shirt and plush doll. Funds will be going towards advertising so that people can easily learn about this game. If pledging isn't your thing, a share on your wall is just as great .Thanks!

$1 - Ad free version of game along with 2 Rainbow Powers
$5- Beta Test game Oct 31st along with gifts above
$10 Name placed in game credits along with all gifts above
$25- Stater-Pack containing 5-Lighting,5-Rainbows, 5-Snowflakes
$50-Limited edition t-shirt and all gifts above
$100 Handcrafted plush doll of Squirt and all gifts above
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rj
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« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2014, 03:41:47 AM »

so uh okay.

wow.

nobody will respond to this besides me i think but that's honestly the worst thing for you because you really desperately need help, and i actually think you have a lot of stuff that could be cool here and i think that's great and i think you have almost no idea what you're doing and i'm not quite sure anyone is ready to tell you that. and i don't mean this in a mean way, although i'm a crass fucking individual so i'm going to be rude. i will be blunt, and it will hurt, and hopefully you will learn something: there's no fucking possible earth where you're going to get one thousand dollars in the next twenty five days and here's exactly why

one: this looks repulsively abysmal

your game actually looks like it's got some pretty good fucking things behind it! some things you've shown in the videos actually look fun. so what's the problem?

you're presenting a kickstarter with nothing. nothing. nobody will click on this because they'll assume it's shovelware. they won't trust you. they'll feel unsafe looking into it. the art is terrible. there's no sound to the videos, and the videos are poorly edited sub-windows-move-maker-core things. what possible reason would a human being who isn't your friend or relative have for throwing money at this?

there's no visual appeal. people won't even click the video.

two: your writing copy has no voice

do you even care about what you're saying?

read this back to me and tell me honestly that it doesn't seem like an eighty year old man trying in vain to connect with the kids of america:

Quote
Shoot and dodge your way through 80 challenging levels to save your sister Echo from the evil Frank McCloud. Remember, make it rain!

this leaves no impression. this feels so

well

fake.

you sound like you're trying way too fucking hard. talk conversationally and like a real person and don't try to come up with some weird tagline if that's not what you're good at. the copy's gonna come off as terrible otherwise and people will be turned off by that like they were the artwork.

related:

three: you come off as insufferably arrogant or, worse, foolhardy

and so do i, but at least i'm aware of it. i have a know-it-all, bullshit hotshit look-at-me attitude and i know i'm an asshole. and i apologize for that, i honestly do.

but this is just:

Quote
My goal was to create a mobile game that was fun for all everyone and I'm happy to say that I did it!

bad.

and it shouldn't be. the thing is that this is going to be harder to understand because confidence is definitely not a bad thing. but this doesn't read as confident when combined with the problems above and below. this reads as you either having too much of an ego to see some absolutely critical flaws with the idea that this is a game that "all everyone" will enjoy (that brings me to point four, incidentally) or being naïve enough to think what you're presenting is marketable and polished.

four: you desperately need to proofread

this may sound hypocritical coming from a man who posts entirely in lowercase but at the very least my choice to do so is deliberate. the same can not be said for this:

Quote
I'm raising money for advertising ; let's be honest without it my game has very little chance of success;a  drop in a river of water.

this sentence is pretty awful for many reasons and you have no idea how semicolons work but my purpose here isn't to attack you or pile on you so i'm just going to leave it at this: please get an editor if you find yourself incapable of proofreading your own writing. probably, actually, go the extra mile and hire someone to write copy for you because

five: this feels like an ad machine

holy shit, you're even doing a kickstarter literally entirely for advertising too, this isn't even a moving target.

but look at this here:

Quote
Casual Game Play
80 Challenging Levels
Collect and Shoot Water Drops to find rain clouds
Defeat McCloud's minions
Day and Night Mode
Power Up forgiveness(power ups are returned if you don't beat the level)
Kids Mode(makes the game easier)

NONE OF THESE ARE DECENT SELLING POINTS BESIDES MAYBE THE LEVELS THING? maybe? and even that is written in a way that seems silly (protip: do not ever, ever, ever again use self-promoting language when writing copy. "challenging?" no. don't. say "eighty levels." leave it at that. it feels insincere to claim your levels are challenging. they are levels. maybe some people will find them challenging. unless you're making super meat boy and your absolute intent is to punish the player, don't do that. and even then, don't do that, because if you do it then you're still being ridiculous.)

plus, on top of this, you've got "eighty challenging levels" right underneath "casual gameplay." do you see the contradiction here? are you trying to intentionally throw off your audience? the language is one hundred percent defeating itself.

six: your rewards are terrible

this is more my opinion i think than the rest but holy hell. you're delivering powerups? you're already saying from the goget that the game is REGULARLY going to have ads inside the game? why do a kickstarter at all? holy hell! HOLY HELL!

your rewards are literally nothing more than incredibly manipulative in-app purchase packs. everyone is going to see that and think "yeah this game is kinda shitty and shady" if they didn't already think it because of everything else.

seven: this

Quote
Being that the game is mostly complete I don't see any major challenges. There is a possibility that my game won't be accepted by the Google store because of a violation but I will make the changes needed to get it approved.

here's the thing, dude.

your game is not mostly complete because you're lacking polish and tact.

i'm not attacking you, although i might not be saying shit in a nice way at all, and that's actually terrible of me (like actually; i'm not being sarcastic) and i'm sorry but i don't know how else to really say it directly. but.

this game needs work. this game needs more effort. put up a devlog. learn to do better art. hire someone, maybe, or find an artist here willing to work with you. it can happen. spend some time in this forum and learn what kind of games people like.

you have something good here underneath the bullshit. it doesn't have to be like this

making games successful is absolutely not about marketing or advertising. those help, but a million ads wouldn't put a dent in this. even if you miraculously scrounged up the thousand dollars to market this game you'd be going nowhere.

you're not realizing you don't have the groundswell....the core advertising thing....in the first place that you'd need to make a successful kickstarter. you're doing this literally backwards.

you're not engaging us, you're closing yourself off from us, and you seem like a fake person because we don't feel you're real. there's a reason a lot of successful kickstarters have a person talking to you on camera. that reason is simple:

people like it when things are being made by real people. people feel safer and more connected with someone if they know who they are, even a little bit.

don't just spam your game out. don't just throw it together. don't rush things. polish. be a person. get a twitter. don't use facebook, ever. get a tumblr. use this forum. talk to people. don't assume your game is finished. and please take what i'm saying to heart, and please don't let it get you down. this is not an encouraging post to make, so let me tell you:

you aren't terrible. you aren't bad. your kickstarter is. that's all. your game isn't even bad. you just need to give it a little more love.

please do, and you might get somewhere.

peace out and good luck in the future.
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Dacke
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« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2014, 04:02:09 PM »

In fewer and friendlier words:

Maybe start by looking for feedback and testers for the actual game. Maybe work some more on the art assets, in order to create something that looks polished and professional.
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« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2014, 07:43:07 AM »

Oh my god...
I'm sorry but this game not worth neither 1 dollar in my opinion.
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rj
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« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2014, 08:47:40 AM »

this is coming from someone who spent hundreds of words tearing this kickstarter apart:

that's not really constructive, i think? you're being mean without reason.

like i was a dick (and, removed from the heat of the moment, it's pretty obvious to me that i was way too much of one) but i was trying to help the guy out at least.

i don't know. i think he deserves feedback; he's asking for honest feedback. and maybe the game doesn't look like it's even worth a dollar to you, and maybe that's honest, but that helps him zero if you're not willing to explain why you feel that way. otherwise it's just kinda yelly shouting for no reason.

i guess tiny rant over shrug
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« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2014, 09:18:52 PM »

rj basically summed it up nicely. I could try to give some feedback but I would just be repeating the same stuff all over again. Spend more time on it and get some feedback BEFORE worrying about Kickstarter campaigns.
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antmatrix
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« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2014, 08:15:49 AM »

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I went ahead and canceled my kick starter for many of the reasons you listed below. It was thrown together very quickly. It was more of an afterthought that I hoped would give some publicly to my game. I did end up finishing my game. The wife was fed up giving me time away from her and the family so I cut down on the number of levels. I have to say it was definitely a learning experience for me, my next goal is to develop an app I feel would be great to have.
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rj
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« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2014, 10:35:46 AM »

good luck with that! sincerely. i apologize if what i said was in any way hurtful, again, and i hope your next project is super successful and great.

make something you love.


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