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TIGSource ForumsPlayerGeneralHuman Hugs
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« Reply #1720 on: January 23, 2013, 12:26:31 PM »

Muz, I think I've been there.

I think the biggest thing you can do to change it is get over yourself.
I'm absolutely serious.
You're actually just the same as everyone else. Everyone is special. (not in a "if everyone is super, no one is." way. Everyone is awesome. For serious.) Start seeing people that way.
Also, life is bigger than you and what you can do... and you're not intellectually alone, that is completely just arrogance.

You and everyone else have a destiny, but you have to work together or it all goes to crap.

Like Geti said, it sounds like you need to get out more. Hang out with people, do stuff, hike, scratch your knees, clear your head.
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« Reply #1721 on: January 23, 2013, 02:45:16 PM »

Two decades back, I wanted to be a grown up, to not be controlled by anyone, to buy anything I wanted.

I wanted to figure out the secrets of the universe. To be like those prodigies who almost seemed to magically know things. To be the apprentice to a sorceror and eventually overpower him. To find that genie and wish for more wishes. To suddenly discover you're a prince and can take back a poorly governed kingdom. To simply tell someone "trust me on this" and have the plans work together perfectly.

And I guess the nerd fantasy of looking back and laughing at the people who once bullied me in school, as well as marrying the most popular girl in class.

And now.. I've got a lot of that. Or at least enough that all those things seem trivial. I'm at the point where I can do just about anything I want. I can look back at my childhood idols who went to MIT/Harvard/Stanford/Berkeley and think, "Hey, I'm better off than them."

And yet, it's lonely out here. There's something about knowledge that makes it difficult to communicate with people who don't know as much. You see the world in a different way.. and spend a large portion of communication trying to break things down into simpler metaphors. Heck, I find that even my metaphors need wikipedia links. I can say things that simply resonate with people because deep down inside, they identify with it, but they just can't get what it means.

The problem with being a prince who can take back the land (metaphorically) is that you get an overwhelming feeling of guilt if you don't. I can't sit back and enjoy games anymore. I can't simply choose to hang out and do nothing anymore. I'm forced to move forward and keep winning at life.. surrounded by people who don't understand me and people who pretend to.

I find other people... celebrities who have gone the same path. I talk to them. There's an instant bridge, like long lost friends meeting. I can feel the agonizing guilt of those who strayed away from their destiny for a life of comfort, and the pain who sacrificed their life for their dreams. There is always that point where one of us says, "Do you want to follow me on this quest?" The response is always a sad silence or a variation "Good luck. I understand, but we have to do what we have to do."

I worry that my only remaining dreams are those that will hurt my loved ones, either by putting them at risk, or denying them some other comforts in life. I worry that I'll just have to keep moving, leaving behind people who can't catch up, never maintaining any true friends.

EDIT: well, reading that back, it sounded a little arrogant. In gaming terms, my identity is enrooted in unlocking achievements, but I'm running out of achievements to unlock. Stuff like 'do a master's degree in MIT' is just side quest now, probably little benefit in the long run. I've hit all the major ones, and attempting the remaining ones can ruin someone's life. I know what the next step is and I've got the courage to do it, but I'll probably have to kill a little of that inner child every step I take.
i really hope this post is about successfully becoming a jr manager at a piggly wiggly
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« Reply #1722 on: January 24, 2013, 05:44:19 PM »

If you're feeling guilty for not making the best use of your time even when there's not work to do, find an outlet for that. Go on a camping trip with whoever you're closest to, or heck, just have a regular "games and beers" night if you want to check off >1 list item at a time. Rekindle some connections.

You can't cure loneliness with more work, and you won't be happy working if you're feeling lonely.

Actually, I came back from a good vacation out with friends. I guess it was more of a 'back to life' depression thing. One moment, I'm hanging with cool people who've built solar cars, crossed the arctic on foot, made IT systems for skyscrapers, and then I'm back to being the one eyed giant in the land of the blind.

Though after writing all that, I decided to go on facebook and play zynga games and sleep the whole day and feel better now.

I think the biggest thing you can do to change it is get over yourself.
I'm absolutely serious.
You're actually just the same as everyone else. Everyone is special. (not in a "if everyone is super, no one is." way. Everyone is awesome. For serious.) Start seeing people that way.
Also, life is bigger than you and what you can do... and you're not intellectually alone, that is completely just arrogance.

You and everyone else have a destiny, but you have to work together or it all goes to crap.

Like Geti said, it sounds like you need to get out more. Hang out with people, do stuff, hike, scratch your knees, clear your head.

You're right, there are plenty of awesome people. I've been there, met a lot of awesome people in college. There are some geniuses who've whizzed past me, earned their first million when 23, worked on space shuttles at 25. Everyone who's taught me everything I know has been better than me.

The frustration is that two years after college, those people are not here. My country is an intellectual wasteland. I've run out of role models… I guess I find that all the people I've idolized are horribly flawed in one way or another. I get disillusioned seeing universities, multinational corporations, and governments being run by idiots. A lot of people on the same intellectual level literally move to other countries just to make friends.

Hanging out makes the problem worse. There's a saying that you're the average of the 5 people you hang out with. The problem is that all of them, except a senior colleague, hold me back. I'm tired of trying to get them off their asses. My closest circle of friends think the path to success is disloyalty, blackmailing your boss, or simply doing nothing. They're of the ideology that being successful either means believing in yourself (and doing nothing) or being born a genius (and doing nothing).

I do think everyone is destined for something, but most of them simply don't bother. And out of some resentment of people who are bothering, they choose to drag those people back. The only way to keep from being dragged back is to cut those people out of my life, which leaves very few behind.

I like this forum because it actually has people who are more competent than me and see things from different angles than what they're taught in school. It has people who give up the comforts of life to do what they believe in. None of that mindless praise to drag people down, everyone either criticizes, stays quiet, or gives sincere praise. But internet friends aren't real friends :|

tldr: frustrated at running out of benchmarks/people to aspire to become, and frustrated that the people around me are dragging me back.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2013, 10:57:15 PM by Muz » Logged
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« Reply #1723 on: January 27, 2013, 04:30:47 AM »

I feel like I can relate to most of what you're saying Muz, It's somewhat comforting to hear that there are others in such a strikingly similar situation.
Unfortunately that means I don't have much great advice to offer, or I'd have followed it myself.

But I will say that I don't think you should ditch your friends, even if they feel like dead weight. I think it's better to keep striving for the healthy and mutually beneficial relationship you want/need with other people and stay hopeful that it will eventuate in an existing friend or maybe someone new

"For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?" - Mark8:36
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« Reply #1724 on: January 27, 2013, 06:10:42 AM »

There's something about knowledge that makes it difficult to communicate with people who don't know as much. You see the world in a different way.. and spend a large portion of communication trying to break things down into simpler metaphors. Heck, I find that even my metaphors need wikipedia links. I can say things that simply resonate with people because deep down inside, they identify with it, but they just can't get what it means.
have you considered that you might just be terrible at communicating rather than too smart for everyone you talk to
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« Reply #1725 on: January 27, 2013, 07:01:57 PM »

human hugs more like..................... human dums
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« Reply #1726 on: January 29, 2013, 04:38:48 PM »

Yeah, I apologize for the obnoxious wording. It's kind of an unwritten rule not to write anything when you're emotional. Write when you're angry. Throw it away. Write another one.

But I find that a lot of good information pops up during strong emotions. Second drafts, especially to add political correctness tends to cut out a lot of info, and it also cuts out any possibility of people who can relate to it. People here have a thick skin anyway, so, eh. I don't mind getting a few jabs back for it.

I like to look at myself at my worst and analyze from a third person view.


I'd say a part of it stems from envy. Everyone gets envious. Half of the response is cutting out something - why not to be jealous of people who go into space or those who start a mega software company at a young age. There's a cost to doing all that. If the cost exceeds the rewards, it's not worth being jealous about.

The other half of the response is to romanticize that envy. Exaggerate it. Turn it into a game. Beat them.

But as you catch up to people, you realize that they're nothing like you imagined them. They're flawed. After a certain skill level, things lose their charm. Nothing seems as mysterious anymore. And I found myself at the point where I lost that sense of envy... to not be jealous of anything is dehumanizing, like not being able to feel pain.

To take a gamer's analogy, it's like getting to the point where you find an imbalanced move.  There's a sudden "I can beat everyone with the same move, this game sucks" response. There's all the dum conservatives who refuse to use it because they've been spending a lot of effort doing it another way and they try to drag you down.

And I've realized that every game loses its romance past a certain skill level. You'd eventually have to drop the romantic notions and nostalgia held with certain skills, and play at a level where imbalanced moves become the norm.

So, solution.. decided to maybe join toastmasters or some elitist group, look for other people who are feeling unchallenged.

as for the dum people, I guess I've realized that everyone is self-centered. I've severely underestimated the influence that conformity plays on people's lives. People are not illogical... they just form beliefs after a while, and interpret facts according to their beliefs. They have their own motives. For many people those motives are to simply be accepted by the ones immediately around them.
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« Reply #1727 on: February 07, 2013, 06:48:56 AM »

Hey y'all. Just joined TIGForums, been a lurker for quite a while and a loser ever since I was conceived.

Regardless, I'm looking forward to working towards becoming a better person and a better dev. Thanks folks. See you on the other side! :D
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« Reply #1728 on: February 20, 2013, 07:20:47 PM »

Hey y'all. Just joined TIGForums, been a lurker for quite a while and a loser ever since I was conceived.

Regardless, I'm looking forward to working towards becoming a better person and a better dev. Thanks folks. See you on the other side! :D

the other side

*mystical look of mystery"
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« Reply #1729 on: February 22, 2013, 08:17:25 AM »

Yesterday I ended it with this girl I've been seeing, and came out to my mom and my two closest friends.

I'm bi-sexual, my mom is a devout christian, and it wasn't even hard to tell her. When I finally admitted it to myself, I realized, if I can accept myself for it, anyone who doesn't like it can fuck right off.

I've been caring it around for a while, and I knew. I would whisper it to myself, but I would never truly allow it. But that has all finally changed! And now I'M FREE!

I'm the happiest I've been in months  Grin Grin Grin
« Last Edit: August 09, 2013, 04:58:07 AM by pixhead » Logged
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« Reply #1730 on: February 22, 2013, 08:18:27 AM »

c:
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« Reply #1731 on: February 22, 2013, 11:21:17 AM »

pixhead, whoa  Hand Thumbs Up Left
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« Reply #1732 on: February 22, 2013, 01:29:08 PM »

best ever
glad things are shaping up for you
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« Reply #1733 on: February 22, 2013, 02:31:37 PM »

Breaking with girlfriend made you happy? I understand the coming free part makes you feel very relieved, however breaking up with someone you've been with for years...

Human psyche is truly mysterious.
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« Reply #1734 on: February 22, 2013, 04:49:07 PM »

Thanks for the kind words guys

Breaking with girlfriend made you happy? I understand the coming free part makes you feel very relieved, however breaking up with someone you've been with for years...

Human psyche is truly mysterious.

We weren't together for years, only a couple months. She's a really sweet girl, but now is not a good time to be in a relationship.

Even though I'm really happy about coming out, it's still a huge mindfuck, and there's still a lot I need to reassess. It's best that I tackle it alone, but I'm ready to do that now Smiley
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« Reply #1735 on: February 22, 2013, 04:56:03 PM »

Ah, that makes sense, you hadn't grown attached quite yet! It is not like sharing the whole childhood with a best friend turned girlfriend turned awkward ex. Parting with the source of many fond memories is something I wouldn't wish even upon the worst enemy.

Anyway, I find that things are much harder to tackle when there is nobody to shove you along, to give you courage to keep going. But I think you have been spared that experience.

Lucky you. Best of luck!
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« Reply #1736 on: February 22, 2013, 11:25:27 PM »

nice one pixelhead
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« Reply #1737 on: February 23, 2013, 10:33:19 AM »

okay now let's do hitman hug
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« Reply #1738 on: February 25, 2013, 08:02:55 PM »

okay now let's do hitman hug

does that hurt
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« Reply #1739 on: February 26, 2013, 03:29:47 PM »

Depend on where is the hurtbox
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