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[framk]

I'm falling out of love with my girlfriend of 4 years

[JWK5]

Desiring someone happens very quickly, hormones tend to lead the charge, love does not. You learn to love someone over time, and in the same manner you learn not love them over time as well.

The good news is you can learn to love her again, the bad news is you may not really want to. Either way you have to see the person she is presently and the person you are presently and let go of the people you were, then your options will be much clearer to you.

In any case, I hope things work out for you one way or the other.

[JWK5]

Ah, the joys of living in a shitty neighborhood. Our house has become the local safe haven for kids in the neighborhood. They come over to eat and play video games and hang out with our kids and get away from their pretty awful home life. Two little kids that come over are always dirty and hungry, their parents apparently sell off all their food stamps and they do without for long periods of time. Not being very financially stable ourselves we have to pull off a juggling act to keep everyone fed. This is exacerbated by the fact that both my wife's and my own parents are fairly impoverished so we tend to bring them food and supplies as well. I don't like to see my family struggle, but I don't like to see others struggle either. I love that my wife and kids are so on board with putting ourselves out there for others I just wish I could do more for everyone. Having to say "Sorry, we don't have enough to give..." is the worst feeling I've ever felt but we're spreading ourselves thin. I hate feeling guilty for what I don't have.

[Dacke]

Oh, that's amazing of you.

But if some of these kids go regularly without food, isn't it possible to get help from society? Or are the child/social services even worse than being dirty/hungry on a regular basis where you live?

[JWK5]

Oh, that's amazing of you.

But if some of these kids go regularly without food, isn't it possible to get help from society? Or are the child/social services even worse than being dirty/hungry on a regular basis where you live?

It varies. My cousins wound up in the custody of child protective services when they were young and suffered abuse while in CPS custody. It is pretty much a total crapshoot whether you are doing more good or more harm when it comes to the state's involvement, especially where low income families are concerned. That's if the state does anything at all, generally they don't. I've personally seen many instances where the state leaves children in abusive or dangerous situations. The whole system is screwed up in that regard. Also, we'd have to be a able to prove they are abused or neglected, which not having entered their homes we really can't.

Where I am at with the kids around here is at least they have somewhere decent to go for a little while. As long as they behave themselves we don't mind them hanging out playing with our kids and such.

[Dacke]

 

Him, well. Great of you to be around, then  

[kriyo_funions]

That's really awesome JWK5 If it ever gets too much, try looking into a local food not bombs chapter, I'm sure they could put you in touch with places to get free food or be a resource themselves.  In Portland I was pointed to a church that handed out bags of trader joes and whole foods that had packaging faults, bruises, ugly produce, and were donated before dumpster.  You could also pass this info off to the children to bring home and check in maybe with them.  Soup kitchens, free food pantries.  Most of the time, families just don't know what resources are available to them.  With long established fnb chapters, I've noticed they do less dumpster diving and more working with the local markets inorder to collect food before it gets thrown out.  (Obviously, germ and expiration concerns with children, depending on where it's from)  But yea definitely some food salvaging savvy people to talk to.

[s0]

jwk5, you are a hella decent person 

[JWK5]

jwk5, you are a hella decent person

I wish. I am an emotional pinball machine at best, trying to do the Right Thing^TM but bouncing off of one calamity after another while trying to avoid ending up in the gutter. Thanks, though.

I have a lot of ignorant beliefs, uneducated opinions, and general residue of the system's bullshit I am still working on scraping out of my mind and I overreact a lot but my empathy remains pretty unclouded (I hope), maybe to a fault. When I see someone struggling I feel overwhelming sadness and especially guilt, even if it has nothing to do with me. The upside is helping someone has never backfired, I've never been screwed over as a result of my efforts or had reason to regret it, so I'd like to believe that at least in that regard maybe I am heading in the right direction.

I think most anyone has the desire to help others, I think the hard part is knowing what to do and how to get past the awkwardness of offering the help (as there is always that fear it will be taken as an insult or such). I feel far more guilt than I do the awkwardness (Maybe it is feeling guilty for feeling awkward) so that tends to push me into action more often than not, but I find the more often you take action and help others the easier and less awkward it does get. It can be emotionally and physically taxing and consume resources but there is a certain sense of emotional solidarity that you feel from it that I've never felt any other way. It's a sort of comforting satisfaction better than any drug or accomplishment I can think of.

I am on disability (state assistance) so I am pretty much scraping from the bottom of the barrel income-wise already, but there are a lot of inexpensive ways to help people. Here, during the winter there are a lot of homeless that hang out near the stores during the cold (they wander the store trying to keep warm), we were able to buy people cheap scarves, gloves, hats, hot cocoa from Starbucks, etc. and during this heat wave we're having here in WA we were able to buy a bunch of water bottles to give out to them, especially those waiting near the freeway holding up signs as they are out there in the heat for prolonged periods of time. It doesn't seem like much but when you've already sunk so low sometimes even the smallest kindnesses are enough to remind you that the whole world hasn't abandoned you, that your life has value to someone somewhere.

Not trying to sound preachy here (I am by no means religious), and I am certainly no better than anyone else, but what I am trying to get at is people are struggling everywhere and sometimes putting your hand out to them is a great way to benefit yourself too. Though our society is becoming increasingly individual-centered we are our communities, when our communities suffer we will inevitably suffer too.

[JWK5]

So I generally go to my grandmas' (grandma and great grandma) place a few times a week to take out their trash, do their dishes, and clean up around their house since they are very limited on mobility and being that they are chain-smoking hoarders the place is a bit overwhelming; but anyways my grandma went to the hospital with a bad infection the other day so I've spent the last day or so coordinating with whatever family I could get to help to make sure my great grandma has someone there with her at all times (I am basically take on morning shift and do a good chunk of the cleaning then while my mom hits afternoon to evening and my uncle takes the night shift).

I learn today that what they thought was just an infection from a boil is actually MRSA (flesh-eating staph bacteria), my grandma has it eating away at her ribs and its in her nose and such. The bacteria, being a strain of the standard staph bacteria that is just about everywhere, spreads through direct contact (as in handling something a person who has it has handled, etc.).

So, to make a long story short:
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!

I practice good hygiene and I had no open wounds or anything and I spoke with the doctors and got information and it seems unless I am really unlucky I should be alright. I hope. Now that I know the score I will take extra precautions as well. The next problem is their place needs to be sanitized like a motherfucker, top-to-bottom so shit's about to get rough the next few days. None of my family members taking on this situation are in good health so there is only so much they can do, so I have to do as much as I can as fast as I can so they don't break themselves trying to do more than they can. Somehow I have to do that and not break myself because I still have my own household I need to be functional for. So, as I explained earlier:
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!

Anyways... I'll figure it all out, I'll make it work, I just feel a bit exhausted and scrambled. Trying to get my bearings and nail down the game plan. I just needed to bitch and complain for moment. I'm good.

[oahda]

Well, I hope the doctor is right about you. I'm more worried about your great granny who lives together with your granny. Did she get checked?

[JWK5]

Well, I hope the doctor is right about you. I'm more worried about your great granny who lives together with your granny. Did she get checked?

Not yet, she is pretty much a recluse and refuses to leave most of the time so it will take some work to get her in to the doctors. She's in her 90s and stubborn as hell.

She doesn't have any signs of it thus far, no wounds or boils or anything developing but tomorrow I will be deep cleaning and sanitizing the place just to reduce the odds of anyone else getting it. I worry about her and my grandmother who is in the hospital enough as it is, this all has me on alertness overkill so I am doing research and will take whatever steps necessary to keep them as safe as possible. They think they've got MRSA under control at the hospital with my grandma so that is good.

In reality just about anyone can get MRSA, most people already carry around staph bacteria on their skin, in their noses, etc. and MRSA is just a mutated strain that is adaptive and increasingly resistant to antibiotics. All it takes is a small wound or something that lets it into your body where it can wreak havok.

We're definitely watching for the signs of it on my great grandma and us and will get everyone to the doctor immediately if it looks like even the slightest symptoms start to creep up. I'm taking no chances.

[oahda]

Yeah. Well, most importantly I hope they can help your grandmother to begin with.



Me, I noticed a weird, slightly off-center lump right around the solar plexus yesterday. I happened to be half-sitting on the floor, leaning back over the sofa, out of boredom or whatever (I had no energy for anything yesterday), and noticed that when my stomach is completely pulled in (and I'm almost a skeleton to begin with, so it's well-hidden, but quite clear when I do pull my stomach in), it's there. Alters the top-down silhouette of the ribs.

Should I go all hypochondriac and fear tumour/cyst, or is it just a lump of muscle or something? Being probably the opposite of a hypochondriac to a level where it might be just as dumb, I feel absolutely nothing about it, and going in to get it checked just sounds like a hassle, but I suppose I should do it some time at least.

[JWK5]

Yeah, I am not much of a fan of the hospitals and doctors myself. After my spinal surgery I've been stuck going a lot more often than I'd like (due to nerve damage and my immune system taking a hit). My suggestion for you would just be to go ahead and go to the doctors and get it checked out. You can make it a more productive visit by just having them go ahead and do a full physical and all that so at least you are getting the most out of the visit and if it turns out to be nothing to worry about then you're all cleared and good on needing another doctor visit for a while (hopefully).

I have a special drawing sketch pad that I ONLY draw and write in when I am in waiting rooms, I use it to doodle out ideas and take notes. Keeping it limited to specifically only being used in waiting rooms makes it a kind of ritual that makes the tedium of the visits a little more tolerable. I basically use the waiting room time as my mandatory idea jam sessions, and to a degree I even look forward to the times I can add to it (even if I don't look forward to the purpose of the visit itself).

In any case, it's better safe than sorry. I regret not putting more effort into maintaining my health when I was younger, even aside from the toll it is taking on me now worse yet is that it makes me less able to help those around me (which is something my stubborn younger self never realized or took into account).

[oahda]

It's more that I'm not a fan of running any errands at all — nothing specific about hospitals. :p I have no problems with doing necessary surgery or other little jobs (I have four piercings in my face, for instance) if I feel like it. But checkups... Boring. Hassle.

Plus there would be a fee involved and I have absolutely no money right now.

But I'll get it done. Absolutely. Just not the best time right now.

[JWK5]

It's more that I'm not a fan of running any errands at all — nothing specific about hospitals. :p I have no problems with doing necessary surgery or other little jobs (I have four piercings in my face, for instance) if I feel like it. But checkups... Boring. Hassle.

Plus there would be a fee involved and I have absolutely no money right now.

But I'll get it done. Absolutely. Just not the best time right now.

In the meantime you can always research the issue online.

I've not been able to get a primary care doctor for almost 2 years now, I have medical but none of the doctors are taking new patients. My spinal surgeon told me I needed to get one ASAP because I have nerve damage and the constant pain signals and such are not good for my heart (not to mention the intermittent paralysis of my limbs, muscle spasms, etc. are no fun either). The only time I can get treated is via the ER, which 95% of the time they act like you're just a junkie there for painkillers (even if you're specifically requesting not to be given them). I've just learned to research and find my own solutions to the best of my ability, in most cases it works (at least enough to keep things manageable).

That said, if what you're describing might be the xiphoid process which can jut out a bit on us skinny folk:



It could be a cyst, which aren't always anything to worry about. A lot of times they can go away on their own. I have chonic costochondritis which causes the lining that joins my rib cage together to become inflamed, and when that happens I can get some weird lumpy swelling.

If it's not really causing you much trouble it's probably something benign and I wouldn't stress over it too much. Just get checked out as soon as you can and until then do a little digging around and see what you find.

I hope that helps.

[oahda]

No trouble at all. And I have never seen it before. The only thing that made me feel like it might be abnormal is the fact that it's somewhat off-center. But then again I guess my spine (or the inside of my mouth, for that matter) isn't 100% straight either and nothing is ever perfectly symmetric, so I guess that might not mean anything.

Xiphoid process seems to be in the right place, so that may well be it. Thanks for bothering!



Hearing about your issues once again is quite something, tho. :/ I can't really do much more than to provide the hugs for which this thread exists, but I really hope the doctors can. It shouldn't have to be like that. If they're not treating you well, tho (the "junkie" part), is there nothing you can do about it? It's good that online solutions are actually working somewhat, at least.

[JWK5]

Thanks, I appreciate it.

The big part of the problem is I need a primary care doctor to refer me to a nerve specialist and a pain clinic, as my surgeon told me the pain is likely chronic and probably isn't going away on its own and the nerve damage will have to be dealt with by a specialist. With no primary care doctors anywhere near me taking new patients I can't get anyone to refer me to the nerve specialist or even the pain clinic, so I am just floating in limbo.

It is so bad that even my insurance was making calls for me trying to get me a primary care doctor and into a pain clinic and even they had no luck. The whole Obamacare deal might get more people insurance but there's not enough doctors to go around (or at least not enough willing to take my insurance). The ER is about all I got at the moment and I don't even go to them for the pain, I basically just go for them to deal with the inflammation and such and even then they are assholes 50% of the time (not to mention my average wait is 6 to 8 hours before I can get a room/bed at the ER and then another 1 or 2 before the doctor sees me). It's a complete mess.

I've searched and tried many different methods but nothing really helps. Essentially what happened is the disk ruptured in my neck between two vertebrae and they collapsed together and clamped the nerves in my neck and shoulders. Because those nerves are damaged they are sending out bad signals through out my body which is causing a clusterfuck of bad reactions (constant pain, random hot or cold sensations, feeling like I have phantom limbs, etc.). About the best I can do is try to take down the inflammation that builds up around the nerves sometimes but the actual nerve damage may be permanent.

It's rough but I make do and still manage to live fairly happily.

[bassp]

I came here to post about feeling down and after reading the recent posts I don't feel like I have the right to feel down anymore....

JWK5 Sorry to hear about your situation. It's hard caring for a sick relative, especially when you're sick yourself. Not to mention you opening your doors. You sound like you have a good heart. I wish you and your family good health and quick recoveries. Also remember to keep your spirits up!

Good luck!

[JWK5]

Thanks, you two! It's been exhausting but I've just got to keep my mind focused on the purpose of my task rather than the effort required, especially given how up in the air everything is at the moment regarding what needs to be done and how long it might take.

Basspenguin, If you feel down then by all means post away, struggle is still struggle regardless of its scale and nobody's hardship is unworthy of empathy and a listening ear (or reading eyes in this case).