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TIGSource ForumsCommunityDevLogsOsias Amends - A 2D horror game
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Author Topic: Osias Amends - A 2D horror game  (Read 534 times)
JoshLeeMason
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« on: December 12, 2014, 02:23:50 AM »

Osias Witt, a 56 year old retired war time detective can’t forgive himself for the mistakes he has made, unable to find his families killer he’s turned to a drunken wreck, every night he would sit in his hotel room drowning his sins in a bottle of scotch. A visit from an old man interrupts his thoughts, Osias asks him what the old man wants, the old man explains who and why he is here and that he is here to give Osias one last chance, Osias is dying and soon he will die without any knowledge of his families killer, the old man gives him one final chance. Osias ignores him and enters his apartment. That night he drinks until he is unconscious reminding himself of his family. 

Osias wakes in a large wooded area, he pulls himself up to find the old man hunched over the little opening, and the old man removes his hood and old rags and reveals himself as Lucifer. He offers Osias’s soul and for his sins to be washed away, in order to do this he must first solve the crime that he failed, however in his head he will face his very fears which are very real! While being faced with the super natural experiences Lucifer throws at him.
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roflnomish
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« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2015, 03:22:18 AM »

Nice work here :D
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bdsowers
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« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2015, 04:11:45 AM »

Not sure what you're looking for here (if anything). Here, have some critiques on your construction:

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Osias Witt, a 56 year old retired war time detective can’t forgive himself for the mistakes he has made, unable to find his families killer he’s turned to a drunken wreck, every night he would sit in his hotel room drowning his sins in a bottle of scotch.
This is a run-on sentence and not your only one. Also watch your comma usage.

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A visit from an old man interrupts his thoughts, Osias asks him what the old man wants,
You use 'him' here twice, and each time it refers to a different person.

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the old man explains who and why he is here and that he is here to give Osias one last chance
"who and why he is here" isn't parallel. Should be "who he is and why he is here." It's superfluous anyway - you can safely cut that phrase out, since you immediately go into why.

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families
family's

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the old man gives him one final chance
Repetitious. You've already said the man is there to give Osias one last chance.

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He offers Osias’s soul and for his sins to be washed away
I'm confused by this part as it relates to Lucifer. These are not things normally offered by that particular entity.

I'd say take another editing pass at this.
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