Independent Game Developers You Should Hate

The independent game development community is chock-full of ludicrous drama queens and pretentious morons who think what they are doing is really important. Now, I know I've mentioned in various places that I generally speaking hate all people, ever. However, there are some people who are allocated a special position in my brain that confers them worthy of what I call "super-hatred". Here is a list of those people, and for people who aren't misanthropists, independent game developers you should hate anyway.

Phil Fish. He used to work for Ubisoft, a video game publisher run by more Jews than Israel, and also a French company, which probably appealed to Phil because he is arty or something. He quit working at this company because he didn't like making games for Jews and then started making his own games independently, which is a pretty ordinary story for independent game developers.

However, the story of Phil Fish isn't exactly ordinary; or at least he doesn't want you to think it is. Phil takes every opportunity he has to deliver a jaded rant about Ubisoft and Jew-run game megacorporations, and he wants you to care. His biggest dream come true would be if everyone at Electronic Arts got fucked in the ass by Hitler. He probably sleeps at night having nightmares about creativity-sucking Jew aliens who arrive in black, monolithic UFOs and attach an idea extractor to his head so they can siphon his brilliant game ideas out of his head, make games from them with the addition of lots of guns and then sell them for a million dollars.

Phil is currently making a game that is more indie than inhaling pulverized NES cartridges: a 2d game that looks like a really old game (very indie), but can actually spin around and turn into a 3d game. Upon hearing about this game, ten thousand indie gamers pulled out their triforce-tattooed cocks and ejaculated on a Sega Nomad. Today, these indie gamers regularly return to the internet from an intense session of Audiosurf to circlejerk one another in a forum thread where Phil said something.

Derek Yu. He invented the independent gaming community, which is why you should hate him. That being said, however, you should also hate him because everyone in the community he made wishes that they were him. Derek Yu is like Tyler Durden for indie gamers, and he embodies the Nietzschean Übermannlich ideal of the indie scene: quirky sense of humor, a refined tasted in comic books and the fact that he makes his Edge Games defeating games with Game Maker.

Saying anything bad about him will get you banned from the entire internet and an indie gamer who reads a negative comment about Derek Yu will become so enraged that they will actually get off of their computer to vengefully train their Shii-Cho lightsabre stance. If you accuse someone of wanting to be like Derek Yu, then they will just refute with the same exact accusation, which results in an argument about who loves Derek Yu more.

Arthur Lee, also known as Podunkian or Mr. Podunkian. I don't need to tell people to hate him because everyone hates him already anyway. I have previously referred to him as "Evil Derek Yu" because he wants to be like Derek Yu more than anyone else, and also because he is evil. To achieve this Derek Yu level stardom, he decided to make a clone of indie gamers' most favorite game of all time, Cave Story. Everyone is aware of this, so anytime Podunkian gets mentioned anywhere, it is a rule that any replies you make to the mention must be entirely consisted of the words "cave", "story" and "ripoff".

Podunkian does not quiver in the face of criticism, so for a long time he pretended to be mean and sarcastic so that hopefully people will stop giving him shit, hence the "evil". Today, however, he actually is very mean and awful because people figured out he was just trying to be cool, and he doesn't like that.

Jonathan Blow. Nobody knew who this guy was until he released a game that was so indie, it stopped being indie and become a marginally financially successful game. Jonathan would like you to think he still makes games, but he actually makes a living just by giving interviews talking about his game, which he believes is very philosophical and important, which games aren't.

Since the release of his game, approximately 50% of all indie game news is about Jonathan Blow's latest interview. Since he is too busy giving interviews these days, he makes posts on his blog asking other people to make games in his name for him.

If Jonathan Blow controlled the game industry, games wouldn't be allowed to have blood, gore, women with big tits, guns, violence, space ships, Vikings, ninjas, or women, period. Instead, games would be made entirely out of something that only he knows about. After putting up with this for a few seconds, a space ship flown by a Viking ninja woman with big tits would shoot him with a minigun-minigun and he would be disintegrate into blood and gore so that people could make games with stuff that is actually cool in games in them.