Maybe i'll update that, maybe i won't, i just wrote something and wanted to post it.
It's really random, it jump between ideas and thoughts. I don't ask for comment or what, i'd just feel better if people read that.
Also, i tried to do my best to make that understandable, but my English isn't really perfect, so, apologies.
I need to do a choice.
Well, i kind of did that choice, some time ago. I'm thinking about it every day. It will just TOTALLY change my life, it will be vague and... kind of spontaneous, even if it's thought spontaneousity...
I'm going away to Nether Lands, trying to be a indie games developper, with a side job, so i can eat and sleep. I don't care if that works or not, this will just be another branch in my life.
I'll stop school, try to find a job in NL, and then i'll go to States. States are really my goal. We're filled up with european patriotism, but i don't want to stick with that. You'll think it's just the basic american dream, that i think everything is cool and shiny up there, well... Maybe. Maybe i'm just desillusioned. But i don't think so, because...Well, dunno.
Well i could start working. At school i mean, and get my bachelor, continue study, plan my life further, get a real job, but i can also plan my future sickness of all the routine.
The worst that could happend to me is getting kick out of my eventual flat, with nothing, homeless. Well, even that life looks better than the one where i'm working for a big company. Again, the disillusion thingies, nope, i call that adventure. But i think i can easily get a job, even a simple job, in NL then States, because i'm not dumb.
I'm going in NL with a friend i met on internet. Fredrik Lang, awesome guy, pretty much the same opinion of all this shit, except he really hates his country. Well i don't hate France, it's a nice place, but i can't stand the people. I can't stand that language too! English is simple and clear, and makes everything clearer(unless you're british, in which case forget about the comprehension part). There is a single thing that I love. Freedom.
Rules are necessary for human kind. Without rules, the only way to make the thing work would be to divide earth and give everyone a piece of land from where you can't get out. of course it's not possible, but. It's not war outside, everything is doing fine, everyone respect the rules, and even if i may sound selfish, i'll break them, because one man won't fuck all the system down. Of course this mentality suck, because it's the same for pollution, and all this thing, "It's not like if that single can from me will melt up the north pole ice haha", but human IS selfish. There is only a few people that counts for me, and it's a lot better like that. I'd rather have a small community around me that i can take care of, instead of a large one where i can barely know everyone. People drain everything out of you, and you drain everything out of people. So i'll just drain a little and get drained by a few people. This way the things work, a constant trade based of simple moral values.
Well, it's pretty much the only thing i wanted to say. You reader won't probably care, but i don't know what to do now, so i decided to write down everything in my head. Good night.