I did this. Why? Why not? *sips tea*
WARNING: LONG
<CyberNerd> You are in a dank and dank dungeon. You see some dankness, and a door to the left.
<l0de> Cast ignore on the piles of hot pocket wrappers and mountain dew empties everywhere
<CyberNerd> You forget they exist.
<l0de> Add ten points to chair-sitting proficiency, install linux
<CyberNerd> Unfortunately you overcast your spell, and you don't know that anything in the room exists.
<CyberNerd> You are in a room. You don't know that anything is in here.
<l0de> Equip nub penis
<CyberNerd> You forget that exists too. In fact, do you exist?
<l0de> look
<CyberNerd> You see a room, and it has dankness in it, but considering your recent wondering about existance, you wonder if it's really there.
<l0de> ignore existentialist bullshit, use detect cheetos to locate crumbs and or residue
<CyberNerd> You find and aquire 63 grams of cheeto crust.
<l0de> eat cheeto dust
<CyberNerd> You lose 2 HP
<l0de> ponder sorry plight
<l0de> exit room
<CyberNerd> You leave the room. It's terribly bright, and a ball in the sky seems to be on fire or something.
<l0de> equip umbrella hat, tux penguin t-shirt, semen stained cargo shorts, flip flops
<Dragonmaw> look at ball of fire with binoculars
<CyberNerd> Equipped. You wonder why you left the room with just your boxers on.
<l0de> look street
<CyberNerd> You lose 4 vision
<CyberNerd> The street seems to be fairly ordinary, with exactly 8 houses on either side, and a convenience store at the end.
<l0de> go store
<CyberNerd> You enter the store. The probably Indian man greets you cheerfully as you enter. There's all sorts of stuff here.
<Mikawo> rob man
<l0de> go magazine shelf
<Dragonmaw> remove pants
<CyberNerd> In what order?
<l0de> shelf, pants rob
<Dragonmaw> pants, magazine, man
<CyberNerd> You go to the shelf and pick up a playboy magazine. You remove the wrapper and drop your pants. When the man notices what you're doing, you need a quick cover, so you pull out your authentic Star Trek Phaser and set it to stun, and demand all the money from the till.
<l0de> say "Don't make me set this to 'Kill' rajiv"
<CyberNerd> You say that, and he laughs hysterically.
<l0de> ponder sorry plight
<CyberNerd> Not enough WIS
<Dragonmaw> punch self
<l0de> re-equip pants, go freezer
<Dragonmaw> say "stop hitting yourself!"
<CyberNerd> You put your pants back on, and enter the ice cream freezer. You then hit yourself while saying "Stop hitting yourself!". Rajiv is making a phone call.
<Mikawo> equip super soaker oozinator
<l0de> shove frozen food aside, climb through freezer into storeroom
<CyberNerd> Your mom made you sell that last weekend.
<Mikawo> that may be so but i still have an oozinator in my pants
<CyberNerd> You go through the ice cream, and end up in the storeroom. You hear sirens. There are various things here that I don't feel like describing due to laziness.
<l0de> Search store room for safe
<Dragonmaw> exit game
<CyberNerd> Dragon: I can't let you do that, Dave.
<CyberNerd> l0de: You find a safe. It's locked, surprisingly.
<Mikawo> oh man we're fucked now
<l0de> look storeroom
<Mikawo> you guys got into this mess so you better get out of it
<CyberNerd> There are boxes with food in them, and a window very high up. There's also an employee bathroom nearby. There is a locked safe behind you.
<l0de> shove boxes in front of storeroom door, look in employee bathroom
<CyberNerd> You enter the employee bathroom. For the safety of your mental health, we will not be describing the contents of the bathroom.
<Dragonmaw> look around
<l0de> take plunger
<CyberNerd> You take the plunger. Equip?
<l0de> equip plunger
<CyberNerd> You equip the plunger.
<l0de> look side of safe
<CyberNerd> The side of the safe has a large hole in it.
<l0de> look in hole
<CyberNerd> There is money and a nerf minigun
<dankna> get nerf minigun
<CyberNerd> Taken.
<Dragonmaw> look for screwdrivers
<dankna> equip it
<CyberNerd> equipped.
<CyberNerd> There are no screwdrivers.
<l0de> burst from freezer wielding minigun and plunger, attack rajiv
<Dragonmaw> look for pencils
<dankna> look for wrenches
<CyberNerd> There is none of that stuff.
<dankna> look for pineapples
<Dragonmaw> look for fruit
<dankna> look for tangible nouns
<CyberNerd> You burst from the freezer with the minigun and plunger, and you manage to knock Rajiv unconscious. The police are here now.
<Dragonmaw> throw plunger at police
<CyberNerd> You found a pineapple.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Eat pineapple.
<CyberNerd> You throw the plunger, and two stars appear above your head.
<l0de> yell "IT'S OK, I'M A FREE SOFTWARE ENTHUSIAST"
<CyberNerd> You don't have time to eat the pineapple.
<Dragonmaw> grab stars, throw at police
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Eat Pineapple
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Eat Pineapple.
<CyberNerd> You throw the stars at the police. They die. Three stars now appear.
<dankna> I thought we didn't have time to eat the pineapple
<CyberNerd> You eat the pineapple.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> I don't care
<CyberNerd> Health is maxed
<lemmer> :/
<Dragonmaw> grab stars, store in pocket
<EeriePanda|Hunting> WAS IT DELICOUSLY
<CyberNerd> No.
<CyberNerd> You get STARS
<Dragonmaw> Just put him on ignore
<l0de> Talk police
<dankna> THREE CHEERS
<CyberNerd> The police are dead.;
<Dragonmaw> they are dead, l0de
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Take pants off one of hte policemen.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Attemp to put pants on, does it fit?
<CyberNerd> You aquire POLICE PANTS
<l0de> use plunger to perform cpr on police
<CyberNerd> Police pants are two sizes too big.
<l0de> equip police belt and gun
<Dragonmaw> steal rakiv's belt
<CyberNerd> Your plunger fails to heal the star embedded in his brain.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Take belt off pants and use it to tie the pants to you.
<l0de> ponder sad plight
<CyberNerd> You equip the belt gun and pants
<CyberNerd> l0de: Not enough WIS
<l0de> remove tux the penguin t shirt
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Woo we got pants.
<CyberNerd> You are shirtless.
<l0de> flex
<Dragonmaw> read Enlightenment Weekly on magazine shelf
<l0de> look for keys
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Take blood from police officier's head and smear on chest.
<CyberNerd> You'd look pretty good if you weren't pasty and scrawny.
<CyberNerd> You take the policeman's keyring.
<l0de> smear blood into shape of tux the linux penguin
<l0de> go to police cruiser
<EeriePanda|Hunting> indeed, shape of tux the linux penguin
<CyberNerd> You leave your mark in blood, and enter the police cruiser. (Press R to access police computer)
<dankna> R
<CyberNerd> INPUT PASSWORD
<EeriePanda|Hunting> 1337
<dankna> "Password"
<CyberNerd> Denied. Denied.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Donuts
<l0de> "MATLOCK"
<CyberNerd> Denied.
<CyberNerd> "You have been locked out (too many guesses)
<Dragonmaw> look around
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Rip the computer from the car
<l0de> Take police radio, report suspect in stolen police car
<CyberNerd> You toss the computer.
<l0de> start car
<CyberNerd> You tell the police that there is a suspect in a stolen police car a few miles away.
<CyberNerd> You start the car.
<l0de> Ram car into storefront
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Look for Shotgun or M14 in car
<CyberNerd> The airbags deploy nicely.
<CyberNerd> There are no weapons to be found.
<l0de> pop airbag with plunger
<CyberNerd> The plunger pops.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> walk around back of car and look in trunk
<EeriePanda|Hunting> M4 in trunk?>
<CyberNerd> You find a dead body.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Lick it.
<l0de> ponder sad plight
<dankna> Get arrested.
<CyberNerd> Tastes like chicken.
<CyberNerd> There are no living police officers in the area.
<l0de> dump chicken flavored corpse into parking lot
<dankna> x body
<CyberNerd> You dump the corpse.
<l0de> get back in car, reverse, turn on banjo music
<CyberNerd> The body is of a 24 year old female, probably died from severe head trauma.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> WOAH WAIT
<dankna> x body head
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Put car in reverse pick up body.
<CyberNerd> The crowbar is lodged in her.
<l0de> tie body to bumper with belt
<dankna> yes, I thought that might be the case
<CyberNerd> You put the body in your inventory (somehow)
* EeriePanda|Hunting agrees with l0d3
<CyberNerd> You reverse the car, and look for a dirt road with plenty of jumps.
<l0de> Drive to mcdonalds drive through
<EeriePanda|Hunting> stop car
<EeriePanda|Hunting> x
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Is there any buildings nearby?
<CyberNerd> You stop the car. It is mostly wrecked at the front.
<CyberNerd> There is a dead woman with a crowbar in her head tied to the back bumper.
<Mikawo> shoot zombie
<l0de> get out of car, put body in front passenger seat, drive in HOV lane to mcdonalds drive through
<CyberNerd> I don't see any zombie.
<CyberNerd> The body is now your passenger.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> smart thinking Lode.
<Mikawo> use wallhack. shoot zombie
<EeriePanda|Hunting> traffic at this hour is awful
<CyberNerd> You enter McD's. She asks for your order.
<l0de> exit restauraunt, enter car, go to drive through
<CyberNerd> You enter McD's drive-thru, rather.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> throw star at speaker.
<l0de> say "I'd like to speak to your manager please"
<CyberNerd> You hear a new voice "Yes, what seems to be the problem?"
<l0de> complain order was incorrect
<CyberNerd> "There was no order made yet, sir."
<l0de> drive to window, shove corpse through window
<l0de> demand refund
<CyberNerd> "...WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"
<l0de> demand refund
<CyberNerd> Somebody is phoning a 3 digit number.
<l0de> equip plunger, menace manager
<EeriePanda|Hunting> throw star at manager.
<CyberNerd> Your plunger popped a while ago.
<CyberNerd> The manager is dead.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> pull manager corpse and other corpse into car
<l0de> yell "I am the law" climb halfway through window, steal register drawer
<EeriePanda|Hunting> that as well.
<CyberNerd> You have two corpses into the car and the register drawer, yelling incoherently, and drive off with no regard to traffic lanes.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Have the two corpses touch each other inappropriately and somehow involve the plunger in this scene. have them both hold the stolen register
<l0de> Ramp car off embankment, aim for roof of wal-mart
<CyberNerd> You take a video and put it on YouTube.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> We'll mak emillions.
<dankna> put google ads on video's youtube page.
<CyberNerd> You drive off the embankment and crash THROUGH the roof of wal-mart, into the firearms department.
<l0de> jackpot
<l0de> equip hillbilly knife
<CyberNerd> Equipped.
<l0de> go to toy section
<CyberNerd> You are next to the Transformers.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> buy barbie for niece's birthday.
<l0de> attack transformers
<CyberNerd> She'll love it.
<CyberNerd> The transformers do not retaliate. It's an easy win.
<dankna> whistle "transform" fanfare.
<CyberNerd> You hear sirens.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Attack the sirens.
<l0de> get in motorized handicapped shopping cart
<Mikawo> pit transformer versus barbie in a mock battle
<CyberNerd> You get into the shopping cart, and pretty soon, some fat outraged people are following, also in carts. The chase begins.
<l0de> drive by bacon display
<CyberNerd> You head to the bacon, only to discover they have run out.
<dankna> score.
<dankna> that is, check the score.
<l0de> comiserate with fatties
<l0de> demand to see manager
<CyberNerd> Your score is fish/toast
<dankna> hint.
<CyberNerd> Your wish is granted, as the manager appears about 20 feet in front of you.
<CyberNerd> Dank: Have you tried heading to the pet aisle?
<dankna> Head to pet aisle.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> noo.
<CyberNerd> The manager gives chase as you head for the fishes.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Stop, kill nearest bystander in an unusually cruel way, throw body at manager.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> Demand refund.
<CyberNerd> You use a can of EZ Cheez to drown somebody nearby, and throw it at the manager, pinning him to the ground, demanding your money back.
<CyberNerd> He gargles.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> :D
<CyberNerd> The police are here. There are plenty of them.
<goldbuick> gargoyles ?
<EeriePanda|Hunting> demand refund
<CyberNerd> The manager is dead. The police are shooting.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> use dead manager as body shield
<CyberNerd> You head for the pet department with your meat shield, and hide behind the fishtanks.
<CyberNerd> They police are coming for you.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> x
<CyberNerd> There are fishes of various varieties. All sorts. Anything you can think of, pretty much.
<dankna> Throw tank of pirannhas at police.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> throw great white shark at police
<dankna> sharks aren't fish
<CyberNerd> (first dumping out the pirhanas)
<CyberNerd> You throw the tank and it smashes into the police. The get a good shot in your arm, which falls off.
<EeriePanda|Hunting> x self
<EeriePanda|Hunting> zombie?
<dankna> Replace arm with hook.
<CyberNerd> You're missing an arm.
<CyberNerd> You've no hook.
<CyberNerd> Replace arm with NERF minigun?
<dankna> Replace arm with nerf minigun.
<dankna> haha
<CyberNerd> You have a NERF minigun for an arm.
<Mikawo> Replace arm with super soaker oozinator
<CyberNerd> You still have no oozinator.
<Mikawo> KUSO!
<CyberNerd> Fishtanks are breaking from bullets around you.
<CyberNerd> A box of catnips falls to the ground.
<CyberNerd> You are fully surrounded by the police. "Give yourself up, and we will not shoot."
<dankna> Turn into fish and hide in tank.
<CyberNerd> Casting ignore at the beginning made you forget your Transform spell.
<dankna> damn.
<CyberNerd> "Fine then, any last words?"
<dankna> "I could've had a V8!"
<CyberNerd> YOU ARE DEAD
<CyberNerd> Final store: APE out of AVOCADO
<CyberNerd> EXIT RESTART RELOAD
<EeriePanda|Hunting> EXIT
