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[JWK5]

I had no social interaction in 8 years except internet, thanks for keeping me half sane

I have plenty of social interaction now, but my 20s was complete hermit isolation to the point of paranoia and hallucination as I got knee deep in mental illness and became a shut-in. Back then, talking to people on the internet and finding places where my interests were shared and my creative works were appreciate was probably the only thing left keeping me from suicide. Even now, while I socialize plenty very few people around me share my creative interests so it's nice having places like this to connect with people, there's a certain social void I feel that doesn't seem to get filled any other way.

Also, thanks for helping keep my sanity going as well, especially for those times when you've challenged it helped rearrange it into a clearer and better picture. 

[kitvonsnookerz]

I had no social interaction in 8 years except internet, thanks for keeping me half sane

I have plenty of social interaction now, but my 20s was complete hermit isolation to the point of paranoia and hallucination as I got knee deep in mental illness and became a shut-in. Back then, talking to people on the internet and finding places where my interests were shared and my creative works were appreciate was probably the only thing left keeping me from suicide. Even now, while I socialize plenty very few people around me share my creative interests so it's nice having places like this to connect with people, there's a certain social void I feel that doesn't seem to get filled any other way.

Also, thanks for helping keep my sanity going as well, especially for those times when you've challenged it helped rearrange it into a clearer and better picture. 

Wow. Someone frame that cause that was picture perfect. I'm glad we can help man.

[Superb Joe]

Humans are social animals at base, please exercise that ability even if you like computer

[Ordnas]

Re: Why are so many social people anti Computer Scientis and Software Engineers?

Some says the region of the brain that is responsible for the analysis cognition cannot work with the other side, the social cognition. Maybe is the programming itself that attracts people with some interpersonal relations problem. Personally I am an averange social person and at work I am a programmer, maybe because I started "late" with the programming learning, and I developed a lot of social skills during schools and college.

[Oskuro]

My own anecdotal evidence:

I work at a very big tech company, right now sitting in a sea of cubicles full of engineers (computer, electronic, and others).

Socially active people outnumber socially reclusive people (like me), I look around and see lots of fit or semi-fit people with friends, families, who lead an active social life.

But, when I've worked in smaller scale companies where the tech department was relatively small, it did feel like we were "the weird techies".

My guess is that tech-based positions tend to be more isolated from the rest of the workforce when embedded in companies that are not tech-centric, thus fostering the stereotype.

It's also hard to talk about your job with people who don't have the faintest idea of what you're talking about, which is one of the things that made me feel really lonely in the smaller companies I worked at.

[kitvonsnookerz]

Humans are social animals at base, please exercise that ability even if you like computer

Frame that and put that on the side of every page cause theres some people who really need to hear that.

Re: Why are so many social people anti Computer Scientis and Software Engineers?

Some says the region of the brain that is responsible for the analysis cognition cannot work with the other side, the social cognition. Maybe is the programming itself that attracts people with some interpersonal relations problem. Personally I am an averange social person and at work I am a programmer, maybe because I started "late" with the programming learning, and I developed a lot of social skills during schools and college.

Yeah I dont buy into most of the neuroscience. Their findings change too fast because they're still learning..

[gimymblert]

Humans are social animals at base, please exercise that ability even if you like computer

I like people more than computer, but where I am, I can't discuss something without creating (apparently) existential crisis with the person I'm talking about when I reveal the whole implication of that innocent thought they have. In theory that apply, in practice there is mismatch that don't help and push you away through sheer frustration, even in a willing environment.

[JWK5]

When you're navigating a minefield blindfolded the only way you are going to reach your destination without destroying anyone is to feel your way through, carefully applying just enough pressure that you can move forward effectively but not so much that you set off an explosion. It is very much a skill, but like any skill even if you aren't initially very good at it you can improve at it (I probably suck at it but no matter how many explosions I've set off I am still trying to get better at it, it is still worth trying for).

[kitvonsnookerz]

Humans are social animals at base, please exercise that ability even if you like computer

I like people more than computer, but where I am, I can't discuss something without creating (apparently) existential crisis with the person I'm talking about when I reveal the whole implication of that innocent thought they have. In theory that apply, in practice there is mismatch that don't help and push you away through sheer frustration, even in a willing environment.

So talk about like...Planes or something lol. Get on their level.

[gimymblert]

It's an either proposition (Xor):
- Either I'm bored
- Either they are bored

I can fit, but then I would need a space (irl) where I can be myself and not a facade to make people happy. I have found that quadrature of the circle yet.

[s0]

In practice it's always going to be a compromise between "being yourself" and adapting to others. This is true for pretty much all people ever i think, finding the correct balance is what social skills are all about. You need to learn how to give others space w/o abandoning your personal integrity for them. I have problems with that myself sometimes...

[gimymblert]

Oh that's true and I have no problem with that, but then I already tried that all my life and it suck your souls when you don't have enough balance. It would be fine if I had balance. Even if I try and really like the people, part of me just don't care enough and it become a dread and deadweight. That's especially after my depression, I first need to fill up "my level" before spending on others. Right now I have been running in circle trying different things and still left empty. Internet don't fill, it's just prevent sinking lol.

[Superb Joe]

Humans are social animals at base, please exercise that ability even if you like computer

I like people more than computer, but where I am, I can't discuss something without creating (apparently) existential crisis with the person I'm talking about when I reveal the whole implication of that innocent thought they have. In theory that apply, in practice there is mismatch that don't help and push you away through sheer frustration, even in a willing environment.

have you considered not being a weird ass hole

[JWK5]

Small talk is especially difficult for me (as it is for most introverts I know), I get this sort of anxiety where my head starts spinning and I want to get as far away from the situation as humanly possible because as the other person talks and talks and talks about this person on Youtube, that show on TV, this person who was wearing that clothing, blah, blah, blah my mind retreats to a happy place and I am just like "Uh huh. Oh, right. Yeah. Uh huh. Mmmhmm. Yup." Like I just because a pandering robot just spitting out confirmations on demand. It's a weird sort of benign torture.

The first problem is that I know I am the asshole in those situations because I am the one failing to really try and engage with the other person. What they say doesn't interest me so I shut down attention-wise. It is a really bad habit I wish I'd grown out of a long time ago, that inability to engage with things outside my own comfort zone or outside my own rigid set of interests. Slowly but surely I am wrestling with my defiant mind and trying to pry it open and give people their due respects.

The second problem is I know people feel the same when I start going on about some complicated thing, some nerdy interest, or some issue that really isn't of interest to them at that moment (a person's attention and interest can be very transient), so there are definitely times where I will be talking to people and realize (by the "Uh huh." answers and the disengaged looks on their faces) that I am the one inflicting the benign torture. It's hard in those instances not to feel dejected and be like "Fuck it then, I'm out." but instead I've come to realize (through battling that dejection and holding my ground) that I can talk to people about things I want to talk to them about I just have to change the way I talk to them about it.

Especially if you want to talk to someone about a serious issue, it is important to know what will hurt them (and how to mitigate that so that you can pass the information through without it being blocked by defensiveness), what will put them at ease (jokes and empathetic reassurance are especially powerful in this regard), what their tolerance threshold is for discussion length (some people can endure long talks others you have to keep it short and to the point), and what will hold their attention (this is where bending the topic around them and their interests can be very effective).

It's not about pandering even if it may seem that way, it is about discussion being a two-way street and if you want someone to take in what you want them to understand then you have to be willing to put in the work necessary to make it palatable to them. That is really the core of empathy in discussion, you try and understand the other person and put them first so that you both connect on the matters that concern you reasonably and effectively. My good friends know they can hook and reel me into a discussion outside my interests if they throw out the right bait and use the right hook and line, and I can do the same if I want to snare their attention as well. It's a fine art but still one that can be improved over time.

have you considered not being a weird ass hole

Weird assholes rule the world.

[Superb Joe]

it's okt o have brief, meaningless conversations with people

[kitvonsnookerz]

have you considered not being a weird ass hole

Weird assholes rule the world.

That is absolutely not true. Ive only ever heard places of authority tell me that in an effort to make me feel better about who I am and justify my lack of/inability/or laziness  to develop communication skills or any skills. Then I learned and realized that was bullshit, learned that everyone's weird in their own way, accepted who I was, and didn't let someone's perception of who I am, with their very limited information about me (including people I've know all my life), influence me into thinking I could never change.

People who can communicate truth do well in our world. You can be weird with communication skill but communication is still the number 1 skill. We wouldn't be working on/with computers without it.

[JWK5]

It's good to know Donald Trump isn't an asshole and rose to the top being truthful. I hear Kim Jong Un has some pretty awesome communication skills too. I also really like all those nice honest people at the Federal Reserve and those people running all those exploitative banks that have got the world by the balls, they've got some great communication skills.

it's okt o have brief, meaningless conversations with people

Before or after you get drunk?

[litHermit]

It's called social "skill" for a reason, it needs to be trained. Some of us seemingly have it easier if we're exuberant, talkative, extroverted. (Yet, I find that just as often extroverts actually have poorly developed social skills as introverts, it's just displayed differently)

Small talk can be annoying sometimes, but it depends on where it's coming from, the amount of it, etc. I can listen and wait for an opportunity for more "meaningful" talks to open up, or smile and politely say I'm not either knowledgeable or very interested in the topic at hand. Most people don't get offended by that, especially because I don't "bother" them incessantly with topics they're not at all interested in (which I may be passionate about).

@JWK5
I fail to see the point in your sarcasm as none of those are honest people, really. Explain?

[JWK5]

@JWK5
I fail to see the point in your sarcasm as none of those are honest people, really. Explain?

Weird assholes rule the world.

[litHermit]

Now that boils down to your definition of "doing well".