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[Smithy]

1.) Chainsaw physics

2.) Hay bails.


This post is going to be split into two separate rants, mainly because I don't want to make two separate posts in one night.

I'm not normally the type to rant, but at the moment there's more coffee in my blood than there is blood and it's making me really high strung so I have to vent. Also, I'm about as jittery as Gappy Pete's dentist so don't complain if that's reflected in my typing.

Firstly, chainsaws: I know how to use a chainsaw. It's one of my many advantages over the common man, who's knowledge on the tool is mainly derived from what he sees in horror flicks. I have a chainsaw. I used to use it every day.

You can't just slash through things with a chainsaw. Sure, maybe you could breeze through human flesh, but that's not the point. It'd probably hang up for a second or two on one of the thicker bones or a spine. You can't just whip it around like a sword and whisk through things.

Using a chainsaw is a lot more complex than that. You have to gain leverage and lean the bar into what you're cutting.

Also, if you were to hit anything harder than a piece of wood with the chainsaw at full boar, like say a rock or a wall or a nail or even dirt, it'd eat the blade and you'd have to spend a long time, possibly hours filing all the teeth down to the right size before the chainsaw would be practical to use again.

It doesn't work like in the horror flicks.


Secondly, hay bails. This one bothers me a LOT more than chainsaws. The following is a list of games that gets the look of square haybails COMPLETELY wrong:

Flatout 1
Flatout 2
Ghost Recon
The Simpsons: Road Rage
Socom 3

I haven't seen hay bails in other games, but chances are almost every other game that includes them has it wrong, too.

I've actually spent a good hour with a friend arguing about this.. My friend, a regular cityslicker who hasn't ever seen a haybail in his LIFE thought that the bails in Flatout 2 were physically and aesthetically accurate. I say he's a fucking IDIOT. I haven't spoken to him since the argument.

Anyway, the bails in Flatout are about six feet long. Also, the twine binding it all together are on the very, very ends. This is stupid because

1.) Any square bail longer than three feet long would be floppy and fall apart
2.) The twine was running the wrong way, with the pieces at the very ends of the bails.
3.) The pieces of twine were so far apart that it eliminates all practical properties of a square bail. No natural human arm span would be able to grasp both stretches of twine, and thus it would be incredibly hard to transport by means of hands.

Also, if you hit one of these floppy, goofy looking long bails in flatout with a car going over a hundred miles per hour, it stays together in a rigid rectangular shape rather than explode, like it should.

That's all for now.

/rant

[konjak]

Also, hay is actually green and straw is yellow. So actually all movies and games claiming to have hay bails usually have straw.

 

[Smithy]

Hay loses it's color and nutritional value gradually after it's been cut, especially when it's stupidly stored outside of the barn and exposed to the rain as it so often is in video games.

[Smithy]

That's another thing! You always see the bails stored in big stacks OUTSIDE the barn, and when you go in the barn it's mostly empty!

What's up with that?

[c-foo peng]

I am a city slicker and know nothing of the ways of the farm. Please country hero, tell us more!

[ColossusEntertainment]

It's great to see someone still cares about the little details 

I haven't seen hay bails in other games, but chances are almost every other game that includes them has it wrong, too.

Of course. Retail game developers usually take their main "inspiration" from other retail games. I say inspiration, but I mean they copy 

[Alex May]

isn't it "bales"?

[ChevyRay]

Yes.

[Lazer]

Call of Duty 4 got them pretty much spot on the tee. I actually stopped to admire a big circular roll of hay before getting gunned down by a helicopter. I was like "WHOA that is some awesome hay."

If you've seen the bales in question you know what I'm talking about.

[Pacian]

You can't just slash through things with a chainsaw. Sure, maybe you could breeze through human flesh, but that's not the point. It'd probably hang up for a second or two on one of the thicker bones or a spine. You can't just whip it around like a sword and whisk through things.

Using a chainsaw is a lot more complex than that. You have to gain leverage and lean the bar into what you're cutting.

Resident Evil 4 got this right, then?   

[Movius]

the hay is wrapped in the same material as the apparently flimsy yet impenetrable wire fences used to mark the edges of levels.

[Bad Sector]

And Mario got physics all wrong with those blocks floating in middle air.

[ChevyRay]

And Mario got physics all wrong with those blocks floating in middle air.

[darthlupi]

Soooo, the mushroom kingdom just has huge supply of natural magnets with question marks.  Makes sense to me!

Another reason I am not a science worker man is because I would have put a question mark on that block.

Back on the topic of hay:

You know I don't think I have ever seen a round hay bail in a video game, and they are quite prolific here in south GA yall.

http://www.worldofstock.com/closeups/TAU1188.php

[ChevyRay]

I live in Canada, and visited my siblings in Alberta every so often. Lots of hay bales. Lots.

[Shoot-em-upper]

Two things that you got wrong and I'm SICK OF IT:

Also, if you were to hit anything harder than a piece of wood with the chainsaw at full boar, like say a rock or a wall or a nail or even dirt, it'd eat the blade and you'd have to spend a long time, possibly hours filing all the teeth down to the right size before the chainsaw would be practical to use again.

Full BORE, idiot.  A boar is what medieval Europeans hunted with hounds.  How could you screw that up?!

Secondly, hay bails. This one bothers me a LOT more than chainsaws. The following is a list of games that gets the look of square haybails COMPLETELY wrong:

Flatout 1
Flatout 2
Ghost Recon
The Simpsons: Road Rage
Socom 3

I haven't seen hay bails in other games, but chances are almost every other game that includes them has it wrong, too.

YOU got them wrong by using the word "bail" rather than "BALE".  "Bail" is what you do if your boat springs a leak, duh!

I can't believe how big of an IDIOT you are for saying this stuff!

[/non-flame]

[Smithy]

My spelling is spot on! If you have a problem with it, address your complaint letters to webster!

UPDATE:

I just played World In Conflict today. Yet another game where there's large stacks of square 'bales' next to the barn but not covered by anything. For a game that prides itself on realism, you'd think they'd be able to get something simple like 'bale' storage right!

[team_q]

My spelling is spot on! If you have a problem with it, address your complaint letters to webster!

UPDATE:

I just played World In Conflict today. Yet another game where there's large stacks of square 'bales' next to the barn but not covered by anything. For a game that prides itself on realism, you'd think they'd be able to get something simple like 'bale' storage right!

YEah! More games should have the big ugly white hay turds like in real life!

[joshg]

YEah! More games should have the big ugly white hay turds like in real life!

Why am I ducking for cover behind these giant white marshmallows?  wth?

[Gnarf]

[something about realism]

Yeah, exactly. Also, when enemies are just out of reach, you should be able to throw the chainsaw into or through them, holding onto it by its starter cord, then giving it a quick tug so it snaps back into your one chainsaw-wielding hand.