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[syed]

So i came up with the idea for this game for a class i was in. Basically my goal was to create a text adventure that had an overbearing if not controlling narrator that would lead you through the plot of the game. you can choose to ignore his suggestions but the fun stuff always happens when you, for better or for worse, take his advice. i also want it to be written in really informal english. think earthbound. im also attempting to make it funny. anyway meow meow meow, here's a sample from something i coded (badly) in IF6 one afternoon. its a sort of demake of gta4.

im new to text based games so any suggestions to check out games that are in this sort of style would be mega helpful.

thanks!

syed

THIS IS
Grand Theft Text
this game is about kicking ass in text
Release 1 / Serial number 080522 / Inform v6.31 Library 6/11 SD

Mother Land
Somewhere in . Bleak, desolate and full of crime. You're depressed and lonely. Revenge is on your mind. There's not much here to do.

You can see an email from Roman here.

>listen to roman
Roman bores you with a discussion of his extravagant life in America. He implores you to go WEST. WEST to AMERICA.

>go west

America
WELCOME TO AMERICA!1

You can see a Roman here.

>describe roman
Your greasy American cousin is trying to speak to you

>listen to roman
oh helloooooo. nice to see you cousin. would you like to drive taxis for me or go to the EAST SIDE of Liberty City and sell drugs?

>go east

Liberty City
You're in the lower east side of Liberty City

You can see a Toyta Supra (which is closed) here.

>open car
You open the Toyta Supra, revealing a Bat and a driver.

>describe bat
It's a bat. It COULD be used as a weapon

>attack driver
AHHHHHHHHHH. holy shit you killed the driver with the bat! The police are after you!! I think you should go north. no like for reals. go north.

>go north

North Side
You're running from the cops. going north.

You can see a Hooker here.

>attack slut
AHHHHHHHHHH. holy shit you ran over  the Hooker! The police are shooting at you and there is a blockade in front of you. turn the car around go south!! hurry!

[William Broom]

This made me chuckle. Actually playing it could be very enjoyable, if rather linear. However, if I were you I would drop the GTAIV angle. Parodies of mainstream games = not cool. You can still make it a similar theme/setting, but just take out any exact references to GTAIV.
The narrator seems to be the best part of this game. Try to develop him more as a character as the game goes along. I don't mean a deep backstory or anything like that, just think about how he will talk, is he flippant, witty, stupid, blatant, condescending, wheedling, insulting etc.? If you keep him in a similar style the whole way through, it will emphasize the idea that he is an actual person talking to you rather than the usual 'invisible describing machine'.
I like it when the narrator gives slightly more subtle hints, such as "It's a bat. It COULD be used as a weapon." Try to use this more often.

[syed]

Yep that's totally the direction im going in. The GTA4 thing was just for class and im gonna drop it. i might center the game around amitab batchan.
think "Barkley shutup and jam. gaiden." but with post apocalyptic bollywood stars instead.

thx for the feedback!

[moi]

This guy seems to be in every indian movie I see (not that I see a lot of them though)