TIGSource Forums

Hello writing forum!

So Indie Speed Run happened, and though we didn't see it coming, produced a visual novel. Also a space shooter.

(http://i.imgur.com/HLgYUOy.png) (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/content/indie-speed-run/?game=625)

I would love to have some feedback from y'all. It's the first time I've tried writing anything in this format.

I wrote all the dialogue in 48 hours, but don't let that hold back your criticism. Anything you remark is useful :)

Thanks a lot!
-mysteriosum

PS there's bugs and only some of them are intentional <_<

EDIT: PPS I'm looking specifically for feedback on the writing in case that wasn't clear ^_^;

Immediate criticisms:

- In a few places, I had only one dialogue option that suggested a specific feeling about the character's dialogue, which diverged from my own.  Specifically "Badass." in the first one.

- The nature of the reincarnation choice is unclear, in several cases.  Most particularly the black spot.  Also, I reincarnated one character as a platypus and it said I'd made him into a veal cow.


General impressions:

I like how things inter-related increasingly as the game went on.  The metafiction bit seemed weak, though, and the ending didn't make a goddamn lick of sense.  (I was killed by the Tarasque and booted back to the menu)

Thanks for playing!  Your feedback is most helpful.

Anything else, specifically about the writing? Characters, dialogue choices?

Dialogue is something I'm going to keep putting in my games, since I consider it sort of a speciality of mine (I'm a playwright). I'd like to know what you guys think to hone my craft. :)

My main recommendation as you move forward would be to consider the wide variety of feelings and inclinations players might have in a given situation.  Game dialogue is an expressive system, and the player might feel a little alienated if the options given are in conflict with how they'd like to express themselves.

In stories with strongly-defined characters this isn't as much of an issue, as the player is acting within the "bounds" of that personality.  But here, I can't help but imagine the judge is me.  I begin playing that part, only to run into something that suggests that I'm incorrect.

I see exactly what you mean. Thanks a lot :)

Rebirth 2 was chosen as a finalist! Woot! Check it out here: http://www.indiespeedrun.com/devsite/?p=48&option=com_wordpress&Itemid=17 (http://www.indiespeedrun.com/devsite/?p=48&option=com_wordpress&Itemid=17)

writing was solid, i'm not sure if I missed it, but it would be nice if there was more of a direction towards what they should be reincarnated as, i kind of felt as if i was just going somewhere with no reward nor punishment for what MY choices were in the game. Also, a bit of an aside, soundtrack was interesting, and I am not sure if you recorded yourself, but there is a high pitched squeak in it... fix it please! Quite the nuisance, I stopped about halfway through just because it annoyed me :P

Well done though

Yeah we did record it ourselves... I would have fixed it but we didn't have time! Our sound guy did his best, it was worse before :P

Thanks for your feedback :)