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[hatu]

What I can say about the story is that all you know is Lima was picking apples and then suddenly fell to the ground and appeared in a mysterious forest.

You really need to tell more about the story, that didn't catch my attention at all.

[Christian Knudsen]

Yeah, that in itself is not a story -- it's just an event. It would be like describing Die Hard as "John McClane is visiting his wife at her workplace when the phone lines get disconnected" -- you're not mentioning why they get disconnected, who his enemies are, what they want and what he wants. I understand that you don't want to spoil the entire story, but you need to hook people with an interesting premise or they'll never bother to listen to the entire story (i.e. buy the game). Mystery is good, too much mystery is dull.

"Police officer John McClane is the only man able to stop a group of terrorists when they take an entire skyscraper as hostage... including his wife." See?


EDIT: I think that one of the reasons that I'm focusing so much on the story aspect is that the game as presented and the first minute of the trailer kinda gives an RPG/adventure vibe. It's not often these days that top-down 2D games are "just" combat games, they're often RPG maker games with worlds to explore and a story to unfold. If this was a shmup or street fighter game, I'd probably not care too much about the story, but you do setup an inciting incident that points to there being a story. Even in Diablo, which is mostly hack and slash, we almost know from just the title what the goal of the game is: kill Diablo. Without a clear goal (not necessarily a complex story, just a goal!), even the most amazing game mechanics can feel pointless to the player.

[PompiPompi]

Yea, I guess I could extend describing what is going on. But the story was basically ment to be very simple. Something bad happens to Lima, at the end of the game you find out what exactly happened.
Yea, I admit there isn't much of a story to the game. It's pretty basic, but I still think it's interesting. Even if it's not too engaging maybe. :/

[nikki]

Regarding download size, are you sure you are saying this stuff from a gamer's perspective or from a developer's perspective?
I don't know, personally I don't mind what is the game's size, both as a gamer and a developer. This is something I don't judge games by.

my 2cnts,

I really hate it when my firefox download bar , is moving slowly.
I rather not download it, So i would say 10 meg maybe 20.

Since everything is 2d  Tilebased.
I think as a developer I am curious how you got it so bloated.
As a gamer I don't care, I just want quick gaming action and not waiting 19 minutes for a demo download.

[Craig Stern]

Your trailer needs work. The light-hearted piano music, slideshow animation, and rhyming narration that overlays the first minute gives me the strong impression that this is a game for small children. After 1:05, though, the tone of the trailer changes dramatically for the better. If I were you, I would scrap the first minute and just use the gameplay part as your trailer.

About your screenshots: are all of your quests just "Defeat X Monsters"? Maybe you should try to take screenshots with more interesting objectives displayed on the screen.

I also agree that you cannot describe your game the way you're describing it right now and expect people to be interested. You're focusing on mundane aspects of the game's mechanics without really describing the experience of playing. Listing the ways in which it's not like other games is not going to make people want to play your game. Just the opposite is true: you have to compare it to things people already know that they like! I would strongly suggest A) placing your game within a genre in the very first sentence (e.g. "action RPG" or "hack-and-slash dungeon adventure") and B) compare it to a game that it is similar to, and then talk about what makes your game a special little snowflake.

[Aik]

A nitpick - but I really don't like the title. 'Labyrinthica: The Quest of Lima' ... is not catchy or punchy. For starters, it's in passive voice ('Lima's Quest' would be better than 'The Quest for Lima'). I would throw out everything after the colon - 'Labyrinthica' is good. All the other stuff is superfluous and dulls the impact.

Who is your target audience, anyway?

Your explanation of the game above makes me want to play it. The updated version on the website is better than what it was, but still not great. The wording is ugly (am I correct in thinking you're not a native English speaker...?), and there are too many comparisons to games I haven't played. Rather than saying that the controls are like Abuse, say that 'aiming is done with the mouse' or something. 'Like Abuse' isn't a description to people who haven't played Abuse, and I only did that a week or two ago.

The problem with the wording is that it isn't punchy at all.

Labyrinthica: The Quest of Lima, is a single player, melee focused action game

This is a good sentence that tells me stuff quickly, without waffling.
(Well, you should remove the first comma - it's killing the flow of the sentence)

The monsters in Labyrinthica are strange and interesting, like the Drabee, which is a dragon bee. Or a Shruby, a walking shrub.

This is lame. 'strange and interesting' aren't interesting descriptions. Explaining that a 'Drabee' is a dragon bee is a little bit cringeworthy.

How about something like 'The monsters of Labyrinthica are bizarre and whimsical. You'll encounter violent shubbery, fire-breathing bees, and <something else - rule of threes demands it>.'? Even if those aren't the best descriptions for your monsters, it's a stronger sentence structure.

Also, mention your potions system. It sounds cool.

[PompiPompi]

Hi Aik and others,
Thanks for the replies.
Yes, I am not a native english speaker.
I have updated the description, hope it is better now. Aik, you can try the demo and see if you like it.
I am kind of not getting a vibe while writting the description, not sure why. So it feels a bit cumbersome.

[Over00]

Based on my humble experience of releasing a browser based 2D MMO in 2008 (and it's still active and running!) the best advice I can probably give is:

"Listen to all advices and don't at the same time."

Why? Simply because there's no magical recipe. Most of what you'll read are good advices but it doesn't mean it will change a thing to your situation.

For example I read so many posts and threads on how to write press release and contact editors to get a review that it's just confusing. You'll read things that are totally in opposition yet none are really bad. It depends on who read what you write.

There's a part of luck. I know, I know I hate that word too. People will tell you that you can always do more, do better. Yes you can. We all can. The question is how far must you go for each person you're trying to reach.

Some people will post generic press release and others will delete your mail as soon as they read "For immediate release". Just like others will delete you mail if you begin with "Hi" just because they don't have time to waste and want you to get right away to the info without anything else surrounding it.

I might not sound very helpful here but I have yet to receive the coverage I'm aiming myself so... Only thing I can say is "You fail the moment you have decided you have failed". So improve your website, work on your next game, contact new people you haven't contacted, send them a reminder some weeks after and so on.

The answer is rarely "you're game is bad". I've seen horrible things receive coverage and their authors interviewed.

So keep working. That's what I do. I can't guarantee anything but one thing is sure. If you stop nothing will happen.