Tale of Tale's delivers an unremarkable and self-important presentation about the sort of despicable, ass-backwards videogames that they seem to delight in subjecting the indie game community with.
So, let's open our lecture with explaining how much better we are than everyone else. Oh, no, please don't misunderstand us! We are not rebeling against anything, or wish to step on anyone's toes! We simply wish to make better video games than that tripe that's been shat out for decades. Y'know, the past few decades of games that we didn't find entertaining enough, beautiful enough, or overall GOOD enough for our unfoundedly high standards. We're making games for the people who will enjoy them. Sort of like how scat fetishists need people to make porn for them. Hey man, see a need, fill a need.
And then there's the veritable Ghosts of Video Game's past where Tale of Tale's takes the time to pat themselves on the back for all their great strides in the world of making terrible games you bought on Steam for five dollars. I do like how they list exactly what the point of each game was, so it can be immediately answered with a "No, that's not what this was at all" or a "Why would you ever want to make that? That's terrible."
And then here it comes.
Holy shit, have we defied enough conventions yet, because BACK THE FUCK UP HERE IT COMESVIDEO GAMES ARE NOT ART
Is your head still in one piece, or did I just blow it into a thousand pieces?
Tale of Tale's assert that anything with a brain enjoys playing games. The problem with this is that they don't seem to draw any sort of parallels between the sort of natural games people have been playing for thousands of years, and electronic video games. It would be at this time that a normal, sane person would point out that people play games because they are fun. Because they provide challenge. Because they're a fun way for people to interact together. Because they're the s-oh wait, these are the people who made The Path, so, why the fuck would they point this out if they seem to make games that contradict this notion?
In fact, they could fully justify themselves for making such awful games here. They could say that video games are made to be amusement, while their games are meant to be art. It's stupid, sure, but it's better than the tidal wave of derp that's about to cascade upon me. What they describe when they describe art seems to be the nature of their games. Ruleless and goalless, relatively speaking.
The modernist program of the previous century has eradicated all human aspiration for greatness.
TALE OF TALES SAID THIS
WITH ABSOLUTELY NO IRONY
WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CONSIDERATION FOR WHAT THEY ARE
See, this is the sort of shit that warrants me to dismiss this shit with a .gif image and hope that the lot of you have enough sense to agree with me.
Modernist art has collaborated in this dehumanization of society. At first it was fresh and welcome. A healthy criticism of values that people might have been taking for granted too easily. But slowly the rebellion turned into canon, the revolutionaries started frequenting the salons and the rebels turned into the new bourgeois. At the end of the century, the artists found themselves in a golden cage, safely disconnected from society and spinning around in an endless loop of self-mockery and clever irony.
This is the sort of shit I should be saying to describe THEM. They say shit like this and then they assert that these people are the enemy, instead of the staff of their company. That THEY are the ones who are seeking to regain the pure essence of art. With the goddamn Graveyard.
All experts, many of whom are gathered in this room, agree that, in general, videogames are not as good as non-videogames.
THIS SHIT WARRANTS VERY LITTLE MORE THAN SNIDE COMMENTS AND FUNNY DISMISSIVE GIFS
They purpose that not everyone plays video games, but everyone seems to enjoy all other sorts of media. Now, here comes the hilarity, they insist that the reason why everyone on Earth isn't playing video games out there is because about 80% of the world is waiting for Tale of Tales to create a video game where you character moves even more slowly and cumbersomely in order to accomplish absolutely nothing. Yes, it's not because of complex controls, lack of money and materials, or general disability. Oh no, it's because they are just waiting eagerly for someone to make the sort of video game they want. Then, and only then, will they run to the store with a smile on their face, secure in the fact that they will be able to enjoy video games.
Bullshit. This is like claiming that not all people read books, not because of illiteracy, but because they just aren't interested in the sort of books available at the time.
Despite a few noble attempts, overall, videogames are empty systems that only serve the purpose of wasting time.
If they're just going to flip off video games here, then I'd just like to deliver a 'fuck-you' right back. Let's continue to dismiss the philistine efforts of our ancestors in video games for ONLY making fantastic video games that were enjoyable. THEY don't understand the true nature of video games like a small fringe group of maniacs truly do!
Videogames are fun. They nurture our inner child.
SAYS THE CREATOR OF THE GRAVEYARD AND THE PATH AND MANY OTHER FINE FUN AND INNER CHILD NURTURING PRODUCTS.
THE WORLD IS IN FLAMES
A CHILD LETS GO OF HIS BALLOON TO AN UNASSUMING BREEZE
AN ELDERLY MAN SLOWLY BREATHS IN TIME TO THE BEEPING OF AN ARTIFICIAL RESPIRATOR
THE THING FROM CLU CLU LAND FLIPS A PANEL AND FORMS THE SHAPE OF A SUBMARINE
And here is where the article just shits itself retarded. Where Tale of Tale's trots it's high horse onto a soap box and attempts a treacherous balancing act where they condemn HUMANITY ITSELF for, uh, not buying enough copies of the Graveyard, I guess...
The computer offers us an enormously versatile technology that can help us cope with our problematic lives in clever and beautiful ways.
YES, THEY ARE CALLED FUN TIME WASTING VIDEO GAMES, HAVE YOU HEARD OF THEM?
And then they proceed to pretty much say shit like
until they sort of burn out. NO LONGER WILL BE DO THIS THING. NO LONGER WILL WE EAT MUSHROOMS AND GET BIG BECAUSE IN REAL LIFE THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS AT ALL. NO LONGER WILL WE LOOK FOR A CAKE BECAUSE THE CAKE IS A LIE XD!!!!! They pretty much assert here that one day we will be able to do the things in video games, except without the stuff that made them fun.
So there you go. There you fucking go. I would have been more than happy to have someone point out this was an old article, locked it, and then I would've moved on. We all could have moved on from this shit, and just had a nice laugh about how far up their own ass Tale of Tales has repeatedly RAMMED their head. But no, here we fucking go.tl;dr