I wrote this, reflections after waking up this morning.
Related is a game I wrote, mostly directed from my subconcious until I sort of "hit" on the symbolism:
(if anyone wants to play it PM me, I still have promo codes to give away)
I woke up slightly confused. Who were those people in my dreams?
A sense of urgency: I needed to do something. What? I wasn't sure. But before hopping out to discover what effort this spontaneous drive propelled me into, I stretched out on my back then lay still. What was I trying to accomplish? The day before I was making circular motions in the air with my finger, noticing the endless pursuit of consciousness - the greed of experience. Sure, I could see any action that someone took as a greed of a conscious experience, but what about my own? What propelled me to lurch forward, hurtling into action? Making. A habit of writing, programming, drumming.. on top of designing and thinking. Why make? The logic of creativity, and means-to-an-ends living had been circling in my head and I brought attention to it.
CREATIVITY: the instinct hardwired into my nerves, self-programmed to make information as a resistance to being made into information (processed by culture). Counter-culture by manufacturing my own set of experiences. Fun, but why? I don't always deign to make for the sake of pleasure. An ulterior goal lurks behind the fervent experience making. HAPPINESS was the name of the reachable goal. CREATIVITY bringing HAPPINESS. Something to identify self with, HAPPINESS. But not just as a means to its own end.. there was more. CREATIVITY could bring WEALTH.
Arriving at WEALTH from the desire to create - let existence survive and not become processed into a subsisting tunnel-vision, working to live, living to work. Did adding CREATIVITY break the cycle, or only reshape the details of the dirty work? Generating WEALTH from work to survive seemed sensible. But was that the only reason I had desire to get WEALTH? Not a lot is needed to fund a creative endeavor, if you take certain limits on the hardware needed (for example, not setting up a full-fledged film studio but using only one camera and no extra technology). Besides HAPPINESS, what else did WEALTH promise?
LOVE. I know that many persons, upon reading the idea that WEALTH generates LOVE, would strike the notion as absurd and materialistic. But I cannot see LOVE as being generated apart from an OBJECT. Everyone LOVEs certain characteristics, or properties, in people, objects, experiences, their own self-projection. Anything I LOVE, if I change the properties of, the thing changes and there is not the same thing to LOVE. I think this can be applied to people, as well. Long lasting LOVE doesn't occur from a boundless desire to enjoy a person with a given name, its generated from attraction to specifics. And LOVE can be gained from the generation of WEALTH of certain properties, directly or indirectly. WEALTH can be used to become noticed, to impress upon meeting and indirectly by allowing freedom of movement, abundance of time and intellectual, emotional, physical, social attention ( see:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handicap_principle ). And why get LOVE, besides the immediate HAPPINESS? Because LOVE inspires CREATIVITY. Given to, one wants to give to others, feeling pleased to generate new experiences for the LOVE providers..
and so there is a complete circle.
Or if you trace the three points, they fit much better as a triangle, gnawing at my mind whenever it deings to do something: each action solving one problem while needing the solution to another. If these 3 abound in great quantities would I have the transcendent HAPPINESS? I gathered my thoughts and figured I am more likely running in a circle, the triangle of death chasing my projected sense of Life, existing and trying to obliterate obstacles so it can escape Death once and for all, by overcoming it..
To overcome Death? No, that's not possible. Death is cast by Life, both the gnawing three pointed Catch-22 and the sense of self as a Life existence illusions, projections of consciousness. Weather I win or lose the game, the result is still the same.. only one thing can be noticed against the dark background of the void: a white light, projected by my attention.
(EDIT: made wikipedia url into link)
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