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[berserker]

GUNROX: World Revolution

Whom will you help to reach their goals? Devoted exterminators of alien influencers on human evolution? Cyber-enhanced freedom-fighters? Or the extra-terrestrial guests who claim their good will?

I need some feedback on our latest flash RPG thingy. It's another flash game intended to promote our MMO GUNROX, however this time we've gone a bit further and tried to make true RPG with characters, party, leveling, loot, non-linear storyline, etc. Definitely more than 5 minute time waster.

Want to gather some feedback before submiting it to kong and newgrounds.
So... any attepts to play it and share your feedback will be highly appreciate it :-)

Play GUNROX: World Revolution here

[Widget]

Unfortunately littered with errors in the English.

The introductory screen text;
"When I was a child, I was dreaming about becoming[...]" (When I was a child I dreamt of becoming)
"Well, partly my dreams[...]" (Well, in part my)
"My name is Grid, i am KAUFO member." (I am a member of KAUFO.)
"But I could never imagine what it all will turn into..." (could never have imagined what it would all turn into...)

The first dialogue;
"You're our best men[...]" (You're our best man)
"[...]so you're the one[...]" Probably meant to be (you're the only one)
"[...]I can entrust this task..." (entrust with this task) or (entrust this task to)
"Forgot to pull off earphones." (pull off my earphones)
"I'm surprised[...] all this years actually." (Should be "all these years")
"There wers sights of UFO[...]" (were sightings) and either (of UFOs) or (of a UFO)
"Go there and[...]" isn't strictly wrong but sounds very strange. "Go out there and" or just "Go and" would be better.

And in the KAUFO speech;
"But you're working here[...]" (But you've been working here)
"I'd like to hear that again." (I'd like to hear it again)
"Their speaches are fraud." (Their speeches) and I think it'd be (are fraudulent) though false might feel less archaic.
"So whenever you see alien[...]" (see an alien)
Also "Thought you'd say[...]" is alright for english as spoken but is usually written (I thought). Your call on that.

In Astral Ville;
"Hello, man, what do[...]" very odd to refer to a stranger as "Man". You could use (Hello there, what) or simply (Hello, what)
"Oh, they can carry your away[...]" (carry you away)
"[...]this damned post-industrial society and stupid cyborgs,[...]" (and those stupid) and no comma after cyborgs.

Work conversation;
"Any job for me?" Would more usually be (Have any work for me?) or (Have any jobs for me?). Optionally starting "Do you have [...]"
"Job? There's plenty of job here[...]" either (Jobs? There're plenty of jobs) or (Work? There's plenty of work) depending on previous
"For example I need seeds" Not a huge deal but there should be a comma after "For example".
"Get me 10 seed and [...]" (10 seeds)

Seed conversation;
"So what do you say[...]" (So what did you say)
"Why so hard to remember that?" (Why is that so hard to remember?)
"Nothing." doesn't fit the question above. Try "Nevermind.", "No reason." or "Forget it."

Quest blurbs;
"[...]check out a place where alien ship[...]" (where an alien ship)
"[...]asked to help a strange farmer in Astral Ville[...]" (asked by a strange farmer)
"[...]collect 10 astral seed that randomly drops[...]" (10 astral seeds that randomly drop)

As for the game; I've only had a few minutes to play so far but the graphics are good and the combat's quite nicely handled. Feel a bit like I'm dropped in at the deep-end at the beginning but the map's got some interesting destinations to head for so I'll see how it feels when I can spare a bit longer to play.
It's a bit strange that Miss triggers on the attacker when everything else (including Evasion) triggers on the target but it's certainly not a huge deal.

Edit: I've not really managed to get far for proofreading the game as I go. I'll try to keep making time to add to the corrections but I can't really offer feedback on the game itself at the same time.

[berserker]

Widget, you are awesome
I look forward to getting more grammar updates from you as definitely agree that my English sucks
Maybe I could give you a game text script if you are so much into proofreading?

[Widget]

Sure thing, that'd make the task a lot quicker and easier for me. Feel free to PM me the script.

[berserker]

Thanks in advance! Will give them on Monday when get to the office.
Merry Christmas!

[Widget]

And to you too.

[berserker]

copy-edited version of the game reuploaded, huge thanks to Widget for that.

[Craig Stern]

I played for only a few minutes, but I have some feedback for you:

--Who is your companion? I might have missed it, but I don't think she's ever introduced before you leave the facility. She just kind of randomly shows up when I'm attacked.

--I like the way you emulate the Fallout overworld, but the combat system is disappointing. The Final Fantasy approach is a strange choice considering that this game is supposed to be enticing people to play GunRox (which has a much, much more interesting system).

--The early battles are not balanced properly. Your characters miss frequently, and just generally seem to be overmatched by the enemies. Also, I don't know if I just missed it, but I didn't see an option to flee any of the battles.