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[PompiPompi]

I am thinking of making a story\intro for my game, so I need to write some sort of a script for the intro. I will try to do it here, and I would like to hear your opinions and tips.

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An unknown mortal named Gilgamesh has become a hero among his Sumerian brothers, they folowed him and he became their king. The creator god An was fond of Gilgamesh and have blessed him for being "The most heroic and brave mortal spirit".
But Gilgamesh had a lust for life, and thus the lesser gods have told to An of his doings.
"Gilgamesh is a drunken and drink to intoxication every day!" But An was silent.
"Gilgamesh desires many women and had known no satisfaction for his lust!" But An was silent.
"Gilgamesh has built the tower of Babel and have challanged the gods sovereignty of the heavens!" But An was silent.
"Gilgamesh has declared himself a god and is seeking the life of immortality!" An was enraged, he stood up and cried "Gilgamesh is no longer my favourite, for he has angered me with his defilement. Prepare my chariot of war, and I shall spill the blood of his followers and I shall have his head on a spike. For I have created the Earth, and I shall also destroy it"
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I am not really a good writer, so I hope it doesn't sound stupid.
Of course there are going to be artwork acoompanied to the "story" and some narration. What do you think?

[Player 3]

Almost sounds like the myth of Gilgamesh. In fact, I think it is, with finding immortality and the gods are enraged (I think). Just keep a little more to the story of the original with a few tweaks and you should be good to go.

[PompiPompi]

Hmm, yea, it borrows from the myth, but the myth goes a bit differently.
And I don't even know all the myth myself. Just pieces of it.
For instance Gilgamesh killed the Bull of Heaven for his quest for immortality and only then the gods got mad. In my game the gods got mad before he killed the bull and before everything with the immortality adventure happened.