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[Mr. Yes]

>Shoot the cellphone and RUN

[Guert]

Using your dexterious toes and you ears to guide your aim, you shoot the cellphone in the head. A strange liquid starts spilling. It smells like salisbury sauce.
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[Melly]

>Drinks the sauce straight from the phone's skull (if cellphones can even have skulls) in a grotesque, animalistic fashion.

[Guert]

You missing limbs and organs grow back. Only problem is, their position has been switched. You now have eyes attached to your shoulders and arms coming out of your eyes sockets.
A great voice echoes from the heavens: "well done my child, but you still need to find the boxing gloves of destiny to fulfill the prophecy... Sally forth!"

You can now see that you are standing upon the chest of a gigantic, asleep alligator where vegetation has started to grow on. You see a mailbox, three houses, one bowl of beef ravioli connected to a string, one dead cell phone lying in a pool of salisbury sauce, one fragment of an unidentified ornament and Martha Stewart unsubtlety watching you while wearing a trench coat, hat, fake nose and moustache and reading an upside down news paper.

It's getting warm ...
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[Stij]

>Search aligator.

[Guert]

By taking a very quick, approximative look, you realize that the alligator is in fact a crocodile, which changes the whole concept of the universe. You feel queasy and you are about to throw up. Your head is spinning... litteraly.

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[Stij]

>Pull an Exorcist and spin your head around 360 degrees whist vomiting.

[Guert]

As your head spins around and you vomit violently, preachers rush in to strap you down on the crocodile. Since you do not possess the strenght of the devil and you are still not used to use arms coming out of your eye sockets, they easily pin you down. Another priest, visibly older than the others, pulls out a bible and a Flaming Boxing Glove of Destiny. Also, he is getting undressed, smilling at you.

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[Stij]

>Kick the Flaming Boxing Glove of Destiny out of his hands using your newfound leg dexterity

(also, is that a One Piece avatar? Awesome.)

[Guert]

You try to kick the glove off but only manage to hit the priest's groin. His legs start wobbling and his eyes fill with water. He is about to fall down but he does not drop the glove.

2 of the 5 priests holding you leave to help the half-naked priest in pain.
> 

(I believe it's Nami. It seems that Derek felt like I reminded him of her... )

[Melly]

>Takes the opportunity to do your recently learned Crocodile Final Smashing Throw move, aiming to take the gloves in a flurry of amazing leg action.

[Stij]

You attempt a Crocodile Final Smashing Throw move, but unfortunately this is an alligator, which changes everything. You do, however, succeed in freeing yourself. The crocodile is waking up...
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[Pacian]

>Push all priests who are not holding a Flaming Boxing Glove of Destiny into the jaws of the reptile of order Crocodilia (exact family indeterminate).

[Guert]

You start pushing the priests toward the jaws of the big crocodile. You soon realize that you are exactly 25,1 miles from its jaws and pushing the priests will take alot of time. You can continue to push but a car could be helpful.

The boxing glove of destiny is starting to burn brightly.
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[Melly]

>Call for Cthulhu

[Guert]

You search for a nearby phone. You see a cellphone running straight for you, running madly with an axe. It seems to be yelling "You killed my brother and ate his brain you..." but you can't make out the last words...

One of the priest looks behind you and yells "WHAT THE F***?!"
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[Stij]

>Try to come to a peaceful agreement with the cell phone.

[ravuya]

You flash back to your upbringing in Catholic school, where you learned that people and objects who do not believe in an invisible man in the sky have no moral compass whatsoever for their actions.

The cell phone identifies itself as not particularly religious, perhaps even a lapsed Protestant.

You try to preach the concept of peace to the cellphone, but it was made in Finland and as such only understands Finnish and a bit of Swedish. You attempt to translate.

"Bork bork bork, hoogen floogen borkity borkity bork bork."

There is a cellphone leaping into the air in front of you, clutching a battle axe.

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[Melly]

>Does the Tarzan jungle cry, hoping for the best.

[Guert]

The cellular phone's face change suddenly, expressing a look of extreme terror. It lands at your feet, drops its axe and runs like hell. You also notice that there are no more priests and they've all ran away.

You feel a very hot, heavy, breath on your back. Suddenly, you feel a slight sting in your shoulder... The lights fade out and you hear very faded growling... Darkness now surrounds you.

You wake up. You are strapped in a hospital bed, with two beautiful nurses preparing to give you a sponge bath. They smile at you.
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