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[Got_Rhythm]

Good afternoon, I finally feel like I have something worth sharing for my game Necromancer, The Fight For Life.

The game will be a monster collecting / training / battling RPG, similar to Pokemon but with a much deeper setting and story.

If you are interested in learning more or giving feedback on my writing so far please follow this link for the opening act-
http://www.necromancergame.com/story/plot/plot.html

However please substitute the initial narrator v.o for this:

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For generations, the world of Nevera has been a dark and shattered place. Long ago, a great number of wizards, magicians and sorcerers, discovered powers over life and death.

Consuming and corrupting, the use of these abilities devastated the land, and those who wielded them were called, Necromancers.

Many used these powers to seek tyranny, destruction and immortality, by the most terrible means. Horrendous wars were fought, alliances forged and territories claimed, irreparably misshaping the world.

Now, hordes of undead roam the land like wild beasts, and more Necromancers than ever pursue even greater power. One of the last small places in the world which retains some sense of serenity, will suffer a calamity, and give rise to one who will alter all Nevera, and life itself.
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Thank you for you time.

P.s. I know I use many RPG tropes, for example waking up late for an event, hometown being destroyed, older wiser mentor helping discover new powers. They are deliberate homages to my favorite stories. Enjoy!

[Evan Balster]

Fairly cliche, but adequate for what you're trying to do.  I like the way your "mentor" character works; gave me a little laugh.

You might do something to make it a bit clearer that the whole love-interest-into-a-doll thing is a horrible accident and due to the protagonist's brashness.  Though it's mostly a matter of presentation.  It might be interesting if that character was treated as a "minion" but the player had a mostly-sentimental interest in not letting her be hurt/destroyed in battle.

[Got_Rhythm]

Thank you for being honest, I will be more explicit that the turning into a doll incident is a mistake due to panic and rashness.

I was considering making Alex a usable minion later in the game when her character is more stable, but as the focus if the game is to restore her to full life I think that might be a conflict of interest. I may have some one-off dramatic moment when she leaps into battle to save Harper...

I am glad I could give you a little laugh!