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ithamore
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« on: May 13, 2013, 08:42:45 AM »

1. If a beer fell in the woods would it make a sound?

Noooooooooo

2. Who are Captain Hook's first and second mates?

Line and Sinker.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2013, 09:03:37 AM by ithamore » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2013, 12:54:11 PM »

A dog walking backwards out of your room shaking his head in contempt.
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ithamore
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« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2013, 05:41:44 AM »

8 Bits

The bet
is two. Raised:
a dollar.
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ithamore
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« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2013, 08:23:41 AM »

What kind of bird can you not eat?
Turkey.
______________________________________________

This is a complex, multicultural joke that works mostly in Chinese. In Chinese the response would normally be "airplane", since airplane is a bird-ish pun in Chinese. However, turkey sounds like "fire bird". Any surprise to "turkey" could then be followed by words or actions of the turkey being too hot to eat.
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framk
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« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2013, 05:47:02 AM »

What do you call a monkey with a bomb strapped to it?

-a baboom

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ithamore
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« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2013, 08:47:52 AM »

Teacher: I just got back from Ima, Turkey.
Students: I'm a turkey?
*Giggles, smiles, and then embarrassment got in queue.

______________________________________________

Grandma taught me this one.
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ithamore
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« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2013, 09:29:55 PM »

I don't like adventure games that are so pointy and clicky that I fall in love with them all the way until the bittersweet end, since they make my tigress jealous.
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ithamore
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« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2013, 10:43:12 PM »

My lazy boss.
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Capntastic
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« Reply #8 on: June 26, 2013, 03:54:27 PM »

I live next to a Vietnam vet named Teddy Ruxpin
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ithamore
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« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2013, 09:33:09 PM »

When last I visited my doctor, I offered some carrots. The offer was denied, so I chewed as loudly as I could during the analysis and review.

In other words, I didn't take the Hippocratic Oath, because it would have made me feel like a hypocrite.
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« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2013, 09:57:55 PM »

My legs make me wonder sometimes
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ithamore
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« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2013, 12:49:36 AM »

My fingers have digits.
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« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2013, 12:44:15 PM »

00100 00100
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ithamore
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« Reply #13 on: June 28, 2013, 01:35:58 PM »

00000000

My cannibal friend said, "This byte is finger lickn' good."
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Manuel Magalhães
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« Reply #14 on: June 29, 2013, 02:16:07 PM »

Super villan: "I'll wipe the world!"
His computer: "sudo rm -rf"

Super villan: "I'll destroy the world at 6:06:6 in the morning, on the 6st of June 2066!"
His computer: "3043029966"
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« Reply #15 on: June 29, 2013, 05:27:27 PM »

Super villan: "I'll wipe the world!"
His computer: "sudo rm -rf"

I hate to be that kind of a rain cloud at the parade, but: $ sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root

GNU rm refuses to execute rm -rf / if the --preserve-root option is given, which has been the default since version 6.4 of GNU Core Utilities was released in 2006.
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Manuel Magalhães
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« Reply #16 on: June 30, 2013, 05:40:23 AM »

Maybe the villain forgot to update his OS for seven years. :p
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ithamore
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« Reply #17 on: July 05, 2013, 06:39:53 AM »

When's the last time you enjoyed the odor of you own sh!1?

My wife thinks some smell better than others.

So, please take her and give her a fairy tail.
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Evan Balster
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I live in this head.


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« Reply #18 on: July 05, 2013, 10:02:36 AM »

When I say bark, you say "how dog?"
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ithamore
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« Reply #19 on: July 07, 2013, 01:37:23 PM »

Last time I tried to nail a joke, I clipped the head and the rest of the velocity went into my thumb.

That's not a first or worst, but that's why a hammer isn't a child's toy. Well, at least not for weaklings.
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