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[Claw]

Thanks Nix. They won't do a thing about rankings at all, emailing support at the time they denied it was happening and asked a series of stupid questions about proxies and VPNs. Apple dev support, as useful as ever!

But shit happens I guess, just felt a little like I had missed a pretty great opportunity for exposure, but even with that issue the promotion still went pretty well, around 58k downloads when it was free. It's cool to have that many people potentially playing a game I made, so that's a victory right there; and people had awesome feedback for me, seems a lot of people love the game. It's back to a dollar again now and magically back in the ranking system.

And I Think the shader thing might actually be something to do with intel graphics chips and render to texture but still need to check this out, difficult to debug without more varying hardware.

Anyway cheers, in hindsight I shouldn't really complain, there's worse things to happen. Just felt like the world was kicking me in the nuts that day.

[Bones]

  Prepare for a dark tale everyone.
My life has not been a pretty one.

My mother died when I was eight years old.
Her mother died a few years later.
My uncle overdosed on drugs in my own apartment a couple months ago, he then went to the hopsital - died there and I had to go identify his body.
My dad's room-mate/girlfriend for the last eight years, just died in the hospital last Sunday.

Feeling a little destroyed right now.
No motivation do do squat, I'm trying hard but death is always a tough sucker punch to come back from.
Especially when they are so close to home.

Feel like anyone I get close to dies.

Just please don't say "Sorry to hear that" because I never understand why anyone is sorry for someone dying.
It's not your fault they died, so don't be sorry.
I am accepting hugs and condolences my defenses are lowered.

Edit: On the bright side
I've met many many new friends this summer and have been out of the house nearly everyday.
It feels good to meet some local creatives and great minds.
Beginning to network and new opportunities are coming in the near future.

[Ashkin]

Hugs. While mourning for the dead is important, remember that it is equally important to spend time with the living.

[Graham-]

Holy shit. You've got inspiration for a game. That's the positive.

[TomHunt]

hugs and condolences, man.

glad to read that you're getting out more lately.

"it is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it" -seneca

[Manuel Magalhães]

My condolences, and hugs. I hope things get better for your side in the future. I think that getting out with your new friends helps to "clean" your head on moments like this, and hopefully your inspiration will return sooner or later.

[wademcgillis]

Hugs and condolences.

I stopped mourning whenever anyone close died a long time ago. Mourning does nothing. Sorry, that's just my opinion...

[Miko Galvez]

I've never had anyone close to me die.. I can't imagine how it would feel. Makes me feel like dying first just to spare me of the pain that I will feel when it happens to others. But that'd be selfish of me.

[clockwrk_routine]

it's a really difficult thing, but you're getting older so eventually it will happen, and then it does and you're different after.  

mourning can be out of respect, I think about every bit of them.  But eventually the only thing you can do is to resolve to live a better life in their honor and also appreciate those still in your life.

hugs bones

[Bones]

Holy shit. You've got inspiration for a game. That's the positive.

Considering The Walled Garden is about infinity and life from death.
Your some what correct here.

I stopped mourning whenever anyone close died a long time ago. Mourning does nothing. Sorry, that's just my opinion...

Not mourning, just shaken up is all.
I haven't mourned over death since I was eight years old and learned of my own mortality when my mother died.
All other deaths are pretty insignificant when compared to your own mother's.

To put a nice spin on their lives; they have made me who I am today.

My mother supported my creativity, she was a creative her self.
My grandmother introduced me to Mario on the NES among other videogames. (can see how much that effected me)
My uncle is responsible for some of my very crude and dirty humor.
My dad's roommate taught me patience and to be compassionate to others.

Death gives you a deeper insight into life, you realize just how short it really is.

I appreciate the condolences guys.
Things haven't been easy going lately.

[Miko Galvez]

my 12 year old shi tzu just passed away this early in the day (3 am something)

so this is how it feels. it just came all of a sudden and nobody expected it

[Claw]

Not much I can say really, I've (luckily so far) not had to deal with much death in my life. Hugs to you Medevenx and hugs to you Bones. 

[pixhead]

I have serious issues that I am having trouble pushing away. I dont want to deal with them but I have no idea how to function with them around. Im really scared. Ive started turning to drugs more so than usual to fight my emotions. I used to only smoke weed but when my problems started I tried salvia and it has progressed.

Today I was really depressed, I didnt know what to do, so I drank some cough syrup and swallowed some random pills. I cant believe I did this, and I am really worried that if I dont find a way to battle my problems ill end up down a dark road.

[Kazuyo]

 I'm addicted to some drugs too, ya it's really bad road.  Pix, I'm think that you should spend more time with your friends or family, don't think about that. Don't watch TV and don't browse internet, just meet with people that you like. I think tha would help you ... Really I want to help you
 Hugs bro
 

one small wombat 4 you :3

[Tanner]

I have serious issues that I am having trouble pushing away. I dont want to deal with them but I have no idea how to function with them around. Im really scared. Ive started turning to drugs more so than usual to fight my emotions. I used to only smoke weed but when my problems started I tried salvia and it has progressed.

Today I was really depressed, I didnt know what to do, so I drank some cough syrup and swallowed some random pills. I cant believe I did this, and I am really worried that if I dont find a way to battle my problems ill end up down a dark road.

Talk to a shrink. Get help now. You can't do it on your own and the longer you wait the worse it will get.

[Kramlack]

@pixhead: I second the idea of seeing a therapist. It's pretty costly (usually around $100 per hourly session), but it's really worth it, so try to look into seeing one. Kazuyo also had a good piece of advice about going out with friends and doing things. If you're in a spot like me where you're not really sure where to begin, have a look around Facebook for various clubs or groups in your area, things that might seem relevant to your interests. More times that not you can turn up with something!

I won't say any bullshit about how 'it will get better', but there are definitely things you can do to take your mind off of what's troubling you. Best of luck working through this, be sure to keep us updated!

[Graham-]

@pixhead

Been there. You have to climb out slowly.

[Danrul]

The rest of you are probably gonna get all up in arms about this but whatever.

@pixhead:

As far as I can tell, all you've done is mention you have problems then go through the tropes of suicidal tendencies.  sure you smoked some weed cut your wrists and got ready to drop the toaster into the bathtub, but really mental problems and depressive issues are just exacerbated by you thinking about them.

The more you tell yourself you're depressed and suicidal, the more it seems like its true. 

Don't blow your money on therapists, don't go around thinking you've got some big fucking issues that need sorting out.  Let me say this again;  if you were /really/ genuinely suicidal, and you honestly had nothing left to live for, you'd have been able to do it guilt free by now. 

Suicide attempts are just an easy way to make you feel like you're in control of whatever your problems are.  Even if you're doing something bad, doing something makes you feel more in control.  All you're honestly doing by cutting your wrists up and dropping pills is giving yourself scars you're gonna have to explain away one day and killing brain cells.

Depression and boredom/isolation go hand in hand; fill your time with something.  Get out of the house, see friends for a while.  Arrange some sleepovers.  Go out and have fun.  Hell, I don't know why you'd feel bad about smoking weed; if you're breaking up the monotony you're closer to breaking whatever shitty cyclic backwards thinking you've got going.

In summary:

1) You're lying to yourself if you say you're honestly suicidal; whether you realise it or not your attempts are just going through the motions of suicide so no-one can dismiss you as being an angsty teen (i would say you're an angsty teen).

2) Suicide attempts feel good cuz all of a sudden everyone gives you attention and concern and its a quick and easy way to get a hit of good will.  Everyone's gonna give you advice, wish you luck, tell you how much they want you to stay, etc etc.  Keep it going and then eventually you're gonna realise how stupid you were and how much you've managed to wreck your friendships.

3) Stop eating random pills; when you wake up to yourself you're gonna wish you didn't fuck up your organs.

4) Just seriously, stop puffing up your problems and how you feel and start doing something productive with your life rather than pissing away your teens sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself.

[Inanimate]

Danrul, you actually did hit upon a few good points -- but I feel you were a bit too vitriolic, condescending, and you really glossed over some of the major problems he is going through.

Anyone willing to even attempt suicide in order 'to make you feel like you're in control' or to get 'attention and concern' does have a problem, and they do need help. And, by extension, I disagree with your sentiments on therapists. Therapists can help people through these issues, and they are not something to be blown off. Plenty of people doubt their use (even I do, many times), but they do help.

It's often very difficult for someone to help themselves in times like this, for a few reasons you yourself mentioned, such as cyclical depression (I am depressed, this makes me depressed; attempt to commit suicide, reaffirm suicidal thoughts), and while it's easy to say "Gosh, get a hold of yourself!", that is far harder than it seems.

Pixhead, I am glad you're going to seek help. I'm pretty sure there are volunteer therapists in places, but I have no clue how to contact them (sorry). However, you could try your local suicide hotline and see if they have further information (which I'm sure they do).

[Danrul]

You're speaking to me like I haven't gone through the exact same thing, and like I haven't had to help half hte people I know and half my family through the exact same thing.

I'm not gonna dress up what I'm saying.  I know this thread is about backpatting, sympathy and soft words, but saying "OH MY GOD YOU'RE GOING THROUGH SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS YOU'RE REALLY ON THE EDGE" does nothing but convince people that their problems are bigger than they are. Over-concern is as much of an issue as having no-one pay attention.

I'm gonna be vitriolic and condescending because I honestly think pixhead is being an idiot.  I'm not gonna pay him sympathy because i know nothing about his problems, and its pretty much 50/50 that if I knew i'd actually think it was worth cutting yourself up over.

Every other person apart from me is gonna be tripping over themselves to recommend he goes to therapy, seeks help and changes his whole life. I'm gonna say that he just needs to get over himself and stop puffing up his problems.

If he wants to disregard me and call me an asshole so be it, and the rest of you can go nuts too.

bbl closing ceremony.