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[s0]

 

Get well dude

[_glitch]

Here you go with your hug

[JWK5]

Here you go with your hug

Get well dude

Thanks.

I actually think I am starting to do pretty good, like I said I just feel "weird", but it is not necessarily a bad "weird". If every day you spent your life dodging hundreds of flying rocks and then one day there were like two or three even though your situation just to a degree improved you'd still have that feeling of "What the fuck is going on? Where'd are all the rocks?" You'd still be anticipating all the feelings and tension and panic even if it is not actually there. I think that is where I am at, I am adjusting to a new set of circumstances, they're not bad just different and hopefully in the end better. I do feel good about it all, and for the first time in a long time hopeful, so that is pretty awesome actually.

I actually feel like I can accomplish things for once, rather than just wanting to but then drowning in a sea of apathy and distraction.

[PaulWv2.017]

Blah. Unity doesn't want to use internal updater, so I goes to rip and reinstall - but stupid hotel firewall thinks the installer is a virus. Not at home, so I don't have a good keyboard setup to Blender with, at loose ends just now.

But I just wanted to put something upbeat here, compared to the downbeat things I've put here before. I'm having a really good year so far, despite the coming death of my cat. Done three practice games, and through dint of determination and repetition and sheer bloody-mindedness, getting modelling to do something approaching passable for me. Be having a proper devblog soon, maybe even a Steam release by the end of the year. Cutting down on the alcoholism, too.

Succeeding at goals really helps me collect the drive to succeed at more goals.

[NoLocality]

@JWK5 was doin' a bit of lurking myself when your posts caught my eye... I've been working ground-level mental health for over a decade now and meds, anxiety, panic attacks, etc are right up my ally.  I'm no doctor but I've been observing these things a LOT more intimately than most for quite awhile.

All of this is just questions, good news and hopefully useful info about your panic attacks and medications.  The seizure thing is out of my expertise and shouldn't be ruled-out or ignored.

1: I'm going out on a limb a betting you have an SSRI/MAOI or something similar as a "main med", if so I want to make sure you're aware of ssri syndrome.  When you say you're on painkillers(even non-opiate) and I'm betting an SSRI/MAOI and you talk about getting in this jumble'd state I'd  really like to rule this out because it does happen and it's potentially dangerous.
Dr's are human to and can make mistakes, I once had a client come back from the Dr prescribed a new medication and a ton of ibuprofen...the result was super slur'd speech, insta-fever, extremities going numb and one hell of a panic attack.

Look for interactions between your prescribed meds, be mindful of what over-the-counter meds you take with your prescribed ones (no joke, some will fuck you up) and have someone take your temperature next time you go into your "slurred-speech" mode.  A sudden fever is a telling sign.


2: Good news for you!  A lot of NPs and Drs I work with have observed that panic disorders tend to resolve themselves naturally given time.  Mostly these types of things manifest around a person's 20s and unless something separate is exasperating it then usually things resolve themselves mostly around mid-30s to early-40s.  Not much is known of why but it's just been observed that these things seem to "go away" in most cases.

In other words if you're getting that "I'm screwed for life" or any other kind of fatalistic outlook then do yourself a favor and put that shit on the shelf.  You have very good odds of living a normal life.


3: Bad news for you!  Panic attacks, stress and anxiety take one hell of a toll...you can let medicine and time do it's thing but I really REALLY recommend "fighting back".

If every day you spent your life dodging hundreds of flying rocks and then one day there were like two or three even though your situation just to a degree improved you'd still have that feeling of "What the fuck is going on? Where'd are all the rocks?" You'd still be anticipating all the feelings and tension and panic even if it is not actually there.

That right there is what you gotta fight.  People tend to condition themselves when dealing with panic attacks, panic attacks suck...a lot.  Sometimes people get so overwhelmed, stressed and anxious that panic attacks just happen.  Sometimes panic attacks come from a "trigger" like a phobia or if a person has been in a bad situation for long enough like PTSD, they may panic if they here a soda can open as they knew that sound lead to drunken abuse...or something similar...basically Pavlov's dogs but in humans.

What they both now have in common is that the panic attack itself is now something to be feared and likely avoided, more so for the one who just had one out of nowhere because they weren't used to similar psychological pressures before.

So it's almost assured that both can now add panic attacks to the list (if it existed before) of things that cause panic attacks.

Exposure therapy works.  Even if you don't have avoidance behaviors.  Panic attacks are self-escalating to, as they set in the person gets worse as the panic attack causes more...panic.

If you have a trigger seek it out and force your self to have a panic attack (told you it's gonna suck), if not just wait for one to occur and give the following a try.

Let it happen: It's gonna happen, it's gonna suck but don't avoid it...that avoidance mindset is the best way to assure that they will continue or get worse.  If you have any "as needed" anxiety meds such as any of the many benzodiazepines (lorazepam, diazepam, etc) go ahead and use them as you need but begin to cut down as you keep doing this.

Soon you will notice that the attacks get less severe, some have testified that they would feel them coming on then as they welcomed it it left before it would even begin.  This has potential to lead to full recovery given time if you keep at it.

This has been the most successful method of helping people get a leg up on this that I've used and it has never failed to show substantial results.  The beginnings suck but the results are undeniable.



Okay that's about enough outa me lol.  Best of luck with everything and I'm betting you're gonna see better days.   

[JWK5]

@NoLocality

No, I don't have any SSRI as a main med. I quit relying on antidepressants ages ago, when I was in my younger 20s I tried a few of them and it seemed like either they did nothing or they made me very manic to the point of delusionally suicidal. I am very careful about what meds I am put on and what their interactions are (I do a lot of research) as the December before last I wound up overdosing on the muscle relaxer Baclofen and wound up comatose on life support due to it not playing nice with my other meds and causing a snowball effect of memory loss (basically I took it, forgot I took it and took it again, and that looped over and over until I had enough in my system to shut down my organs). After that I spend a few days researching before I am willing to take anything new.




It is pretty counterproductive to throw out ideals like living a "normal life". What is a normal life? Do you mean content or productive? What if the person is living in poverty and can't afford to take care of themselves, has a high-pressure living situation, lives in a dangerous place, etc. are they going to be living a normal life just because their outlook is positive? Many people do not have the privilege of living a "normal life" and even those that do still will likely have a unique cocktail of life pressures bearing down on them at all times. This doesn't even take into account that they may have crippling diseases or severe pain inflicting ailments such as fibromyalgia. All these things do very much factor in to mental illness, either exacerbating the conditions or even serving as the root cause.

Optimism is definitely not a bad thing to have, but optimism can be blind and self-destructive if it is not coupled with a realistic view of your circumstances and situation and at least a fair understanding of your conditions. There is no "normal life", there is just life, and a lot of people are living one that can't be summed up simply. "Normal life" is a phrase doctors like to sell patients on because it makes it easier to get them on-board with whatever treatment a doctor is proposing, but to live is to be in a constant state of survival.

We have whole ecosystems (outside our bodies, on our bodies, and in our bodies) trying to devour us or break us down and our own bodies haven't quite caught up with their own evolution, there's a lot of parts slapped onto other parts and they don't all play nice together. Add to that the fact that we have advanced technologically faster than we have mentally and we struggle to cope with the consequences of our own social growth. To be human is to be a complicated mess, both mentally and physically. There's no normalcy to be found in that. At best, we're all just surviving and comfort and safety are pretty fleeting for most of us. I don't think mental disorders are an abnormality, I think they are a consequence of where we are at as a species.

However, I get your intentions and meaning (I think) so I don't mean to be so contrary here or imply that you are being naive or something like that, I guess I am just trying to say be careful with generalizing especially where people's lives are concerned (I had to learn that the hard way, I was pretty bad about it and still can be).




That all said, I do appreciate the concern and I've come to really appreciate different outlooks on it all as I've learned a lot from others, so thank you for that. Though I might seem fatalistic (I didn't think I did but maybe I do) it is not really fatalism. I don't really have an outward fear or phobia of people, at least I don't believe so at this point. I put myself around people all the time, to the point I was basically living place to place to keep myself from getting to comfortable and entrenching myself into depression and anxiety. What I've come to realize (from both internal analyzing and from the external analyzing of professionals) is that basically my system gets excited when I am around other people.

In the past I thought this excitement was fear and because I couldn't find its source it manifested as people are threatening (which of course leads to a trail of bad assumptions as to why that must be). This fear is what led to frequent panic attacks. It could also go the other way, though, I could interpret the feelings as meaning something exciting is going on and I end up going into a crazy euphoria where I am giddy and happy to be around friends or family and willing to do reckless and compulsory things (gambling, video games, and substance abuse). I've come to realize the excited feelings can be detached from any interpretation and on their own the excited feelings are pretty much the same either way. I don't think it is a mental development, I think it is a physical reaction.

So in that regard, I am not operating on fatalism I am operating on analytical thinking and curiosity. If my conditions or situations change then they change and that is fine, but I am not hoping for it or counting on it, I am not the drowning victim thrashing about reaching for air, I have accepted that this is the way it is, currently, and I want to understand not just why but how. Pain without meaning is torture, but when you give pain meaning it becomes the reason to endure it. For my, wanting to understand is the meaning I give my pain. It is there for me to learn from (potentially to maybe some day use that information to help others).



On another note, panic attacks aren't triggered by your thoughts they are triggered by your breathing. Your heart rate follows the pattern of your breathing because the way you breathe determines how oxygen is pumped through the blood. When you have an erratic heart rate your body interprets this to mean danger and you enter "fight, flight, or freeze" mode (anxiety). The "freeze" part of that mode is what a panic attack is, your body basically seizes up to keep you still so that your predators might not spot you. What happens often when people feel nervous or scared is that they hold their breath, they interrupt their breathing pattern. When your breathing is in an even pattern (for example something like 3 seconds in and 4 seconds out) your heart rate will develop an even pattern can you can reach baseline in about 2 minutes (thus ceasing a panic attack). In general, maintaining good breathing can do wonders for anxiety altogether (it won't necessarily make you feel like a million dollars but it will for the most part keep you at base line).

A positive outlook needs good understanding to be effective.






EDIT: Oh, also I am pretty excited because my insurance advocate is trying to get my neurologist on board with doing some brain scans which might illuminate whether or not there are brain deformations or other physical problems that might be causing or contributing some of the mental conditions. It's pretty cool that they are willing to assist me in wanting to know more, not something I'd have expected from an insurance company.

[MaryInterGalactic]

Cheer up 
Find who you are, love yourself,do good things,then your world will become so pretty 

[Bad_Dude 2017]

eat, pray, meditate, not suffer cardiac arrest

[Schoq]

[rockingjohncarter]

I watch this video free hug. It's nice way to show humanity and love each other.  

[Bad_Dude 2017]

its a nice way to show your humanity indeed

[FluffexStudios]

A hug for you

[ionside]

I'm 42 now. 

[Schoq]

about to drop an EPIC nerdy reference to that number, hold on,

[gimymblert]

about to drop an EPIC nerdy reference to that number, hold on,

sound like you are about to translate something, it sound fishy

[ionside]

 
 

[mike b pro nerd]

Then again, dogs don't like hugs.

my dog likes being hugged, we used to wrestle but now he's older we play a bit more gently.

human hugs to all.

remember tom hanks' (castaway) fine lessons and keep breathing, you never know what the tide might bring in.

also as a fine man once said, take it one moment at a time, you don't need to load up your brain with tomorrows. Planning is fine, but as Buddha (I think, could have been Ghandi) said: if you can't change it worrying is pointless, if you can change it there's no need to worry.

[Schoq]

you're responding to a post from when George W. Bush was president

[Torchkas]

Hey everyone, I just came out completely.

[mike b pro nerd]

you're responding to a post from when George W. Bush was president

wow that's so strange and surreal it's like Eerie Indiana