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[danielss87]

Hello!

We're currently making a puzzle-adventure game, and finding it very hard to describe in an atention-catching single sentence.    Could you help us, pointing to the pitch that give you guys the desire to know more about the game?

1- 'Keen' is a puzzle adventure game that blends Zelda with Final Fantasy Tactics

2- 'Keen' is a adventure game inspired by the mechanics of 2048.

3- 'Keen' is a Zelda-like adventure game, where moving is a puzzle itself.

Also, you can know more about the game in our DevBlog (catnigiri.com/blog)
and in our Twitter(https://twitter.com/keen_game)


P.S.: We're accepting sugestions! 

[Canned Turkey]

Stop with the name dropping, just tell me what the game is.

[cynicalsandel]

only being able to describe your game using other games sure as heck makes me less interested

[ProgramGamer]

Referencing other games as your only source of information for what your game is about makes it sound like a soulless ripoff. Tell me what your game does differently than other games that already exist!

Your elevator pitch should make me excited to play your game. Don't be afraid to be extravagant and flashy as well.

[ｂ∀ ｋｋｕｓａ]

elevator pitch suggestion:

-we are so insecure about our game , halp!

[starsrift]

Imagine my response is like Canned Turkey's, cynicalsandel's, and ProgramGamer's, but different!

[Zorg]

I watched the video and 'puzzle'/'adventure' fits, but you could add 'twitch controls'/'dashing' to your pitch.
 
If you are unsure about how to describe the gameplay, you could focus on the story/universe/artstyle instead.

[danielss87]

only being able to describe your game using other games sure as heck makes me less interested

After testing those pitches with a lot of people, I totally agree with you. Thanks for the feedback!

[danielss87]

I watched the video and 'puzzle'/'adventure' fits, but you could add 'twitch controls'/'dashing' to your pitch.
 
If you are unsure about how to describe the gameplay, you could focus on the story/universe/artstyle instead.

Sure, describing the universe is sounding much more atractive. I'd probably say that the game is a Puzzle Steampunk game in a Feudal-Japan world. But does that pitch engages you more than the previous ones?

[ProgramGamer]

I think I've said this before in another thread, but a good formula is to describe your gameplay through your fiction layer. For an example: Dashing across rooms to defeat evil robots. That already gives you a good idea of what the game is about in general. Try to apply that formula to your elevator pitch and you should have a good guideline. Remember, this is about making people excited to play your game!

[RockyKev]

only being able to describe your game using other games sure as heck makes me less interested

After testing those pitches with a lot of people, I totally agree with you. Thanks for the feedback!

I'm going to push back on this.

I would not compare your game in the FIRST sentence. But in the full elevator pitch (if it's 5 sentences), I would be inclined to.

Being able to describe your game using others as comparisons is powerful. It's why review snippets are often things like, "It's Borderlands Meets Dark Souls! - GameMag" It's fine to use using lexicon that immediately sparks intrigue.

The ones who argue against it -- are they your target audience? They're the ones who are buying it, and the ones you should focus on your message on.

[Pampattitude]

I like the third sentence, it adds a bit of suspense because it feels unheard of and really unique.

Unlike other people here though, I feel comparing to well-known games is just like defining the base genre of your game. "Zelda-like" could have been replaced with "action-adventure", but it also adds to the appeal of the game. If your game is a Zelda-like, it might attract the same kind of audience, so it's a good indicator of the aim of the project.
With an elevator speech, you have to have as many intriguing elements as possible in the smallest time, so cutting to the chase (at least on the genre of the game) seems like the way to go to me to optimize your time and focus on intriguing elements.

[Wilson Saunders]

Using other games as a reference is a good idea but be more specific in what you are borrowing from other games

For example:
'Keen' is a puzzle adventure game that blends the 4 directional movement of classic Zelda games with the turn based decision making of Final Fantasy Tactics.

[Canned Turkey]

Even better:
'Keen' is a puzzle adventure game that blends retro gameplay with strategic turn based decision making.

[oahda]

Also the fact that one of the pitches referenced Zelda and the other 2048, which are completely different games, makes those pitches bad, since referencing Zelda won't make me think of anything near 2048, and referencing 2048 won't make me think about anything remotely close to Zelda. You need to distill what it is that makes it similar to both of these games.

I'm surprised to hear all these people say that it's bad comparing one's game to an existing one, because isn't that what basically everybody here does in their devlogs, and what actually tends to make people excited because they like those games? Confused.

[Canned Turkey]

I'm surprised to hear all these people say that it's bad comparing one's game to an existing one, because isn't that what basically everybody here does in their devlogs, and what actually tends to make people excited because they like those games? Confused.

I hate it when everyone does it.
It's one of my biggest pet peeves about indie games.
The only time it should be okay to reference a game in your pitch is when that game is a genre in itself, like metroidvania.

People get excited about it because if they've never heard about your game, a game they've already heard of is a good starting point.
But it's a lazy marketing tactic. It's like calling pie "Cake with fruit". You can easily communicate what it sort of is, but if you focus on the unique points and put effort into a well thought pitch, you can make people excited for your game.
Not someone else's.

[RockyKev]

I'm surprised to hear all these people say that it's bad comparing one's game to an existing one, because isn't that what basically everybody here does in their devlogs, and what actually tends to make people excited because they like those games? Confused.

I hate it when everyone does it.
It's one of my biggest pet peeves about indie games.
The only time it should be okay to reference a game in your pitch is when that game is a genre in itself, like metroidvania.

People get excited about it because if they've never heard about your game, a game they've already heard of is a good starting point.
But it's a lazy marketing tactic. It's like calling pie "Cake with fruit". You can easily communicate what it sort of is, but if you focus on the unique points and put effort into a well thought pitch, you can make people excited for your game.
Not someone else's.

That's a interesting perspective. Your cake with fruit example made me laugh!

I do want to address that the reason it's so frequently used is because it works.

As a game developer, you probably hear pitches all the time from excited developers who promise the heaven and earth. Of course they're going to bother you.

The thing is: a pitch isn't design for you - another game developer. It's designed for a specific targeted person, (may it be a publisher, financial backers, or even a niche audience.) Chances are - that specific person isn't really paying attention and is thinking about their laundry, or what to have for lunch.

But add the words, "...and bits of Grand Theft Auto in it." Suddenly, they're paying attention.