For a good example of a "rough draft" document i'd recommend taking a look at the following (
01,
02,
03,
04,
05,
06,
07,
08,
09,
10,
11,
12,
13,
14 ) .. it's easy-to-read & to-the-point.
^ This is an excellent example of a nice and concise GDD.
In your documents you try to explain everything and the reasons behind every design decision, and while at first glance you would think that that is a good thing, it´s not, truth is, almost nobody likes reading GDD, and you should put everything in the most concise way posible, just explain how things should work and that's it. Also try to put more things in drawings, is easier to understand and it saves a lot of words. Also don't put excerpts from other books, unless absolutely have to; and in your particular case it wasn't necesary too explain the decision of the style of the documents. Focus on explaining the game the best you can while keeping it the shortest you can.
Keep doing more GDD or iterations of the same thing and eventually you will get the hang of it, all these mistakes are common when you are starting as a game designer, so don't worry too much about it
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