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[xk]

A short adventure game I made for LD37. I would like to hear to think what you guys think, thanks in advance!

links
GJ: http://gamejolt.com/games/a-monster-doesn-t-let-me-leave-my-room/217566
LD: http://ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-37/?action=preview&uid=16005

[tpelham42]

This is an interesting little game and story narrative. I could certainly see this being more interesting if fully fleshed out.

With that being said there are more than a few grammar mistakes that, if corrected, would help better tell the story and add to the immersion. The graphics are functional, but certainly could use a lot of work. For a quick game concept/prototype I definitely think this has some potential. Technically speaking the game ran quite well on WebGL and the controls were responsive.

[AaronB]

This is an interesting little game and story narrative. I could certainly see this being more interesting if fully fleshed out.

With that being said there are more than a few grammar mistakes that, if corrected, would help better tell the story and add to the immersion.

Pretty much sums up my own impression.  When I first slept in the bed, I approached the bed from the side and ended up sleeping crosswise - enough to give anyone nightmares    Check out 'bought' vs 'brought'.  I'm OK with the sound and graphics, however the sentence structure was a bit off-putting.

It held my interest and was entertaining in a 'lets see where this is heading' kind of way.

[xk]

Thank you for taking the time to finish the game! It's really tough to get anyone to play your game and say something about it these days, I appreciate that.

I'm OK with the sound and graphics, however the sentence structure was a bit off-putting.

With that being said there are more than a few grammar mistakes that, if corrected, would help better tell the story and add to the immersion.

Could you be a little bit more specific? Text is an important part of my games but I'm not a native English speaker so some grammar mistakes are tough for me to spot on my own.

[tpelham42]

Well, for one example, as AaronB mentioned you use the word brought instead of bought throughout the game. Brought is to bring something (past tense) and bought is to purchase/buy something (past tense).

So the very first sentence in the game: "I finally brought a 'cheap' apartment..." should be "I finally bought a 'cheap' apartment...".

Sentence 2:
"I dreamed about living in New York since I was a kid"
Should be:
"I have dreamed about living in New York since I was a kid"

Those are just a couple of examples, but there are various similar issues littered throughout the text. I hope that helps with specifics. I can certainly understand the difficulty given that you are a none english speaker. Native english speakers often have trouble as well.

I would recommend trying to group up with someone who can edit your writing or study up on grammar.