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[Cheater‽]

[Spring]Elven ambush (x10)

what in the name of Armok i don't even

[Chaoseed]

...Now THIS is what a DF succession game is supposed to be like!

...

Elite wrestler Meng

[Μarkham]

[SUMMER]

4th Mematite
Mistem Urntribute the High Lantern of Armor "suffocated" during a training session today.


8th Hematite

Zulban Torchcyclone, Metalcrafter, went berserk today.  He murdured Vucar, a stone crafter, broke a legendary miner's spine, and ripped out a peasant's throat before four other dwarves could take him down.  Population is down to 109.


11th Hematite
The human caravan has arrived.  Kubuk's been throwing tantrums lately, so I'm not sure it's a good idea to get him near the trade depot.  Olon's punched a peasant or something, so I'll need to lay out some dwarven punishment.


12th Hematite
Kubuk's been beating some horses, so the next trade he'll be negotiating is the one between my fists and his face, and his time and a jail cell.


13th Hematite
...aaaand someone's gone and destroyed the trade depot.  I'll be beating that guy, too.


13th Hematite
I AM SOOO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!  I THINK I'LL GO THROW THINGS AND MAYBE PUNCH SOMEONE.  I FREAKING HATE THIS PLACE!


14th Hematite
YEAH, WHAT NOW?  I PUNCHED A FREAKING PEASANT!  I PUNCHED HIM IN HIS FREAKING FACE!  AND THEN I SMASHED A ROAD!  WHAT ARE YOU GOING DO DO ABOUT IT, HUH?  WHAT?  YOU CAN'T!  YA WANNA KNOW WHY?  IT'S BECAUSE I'M THE LAW!
I AM THE FREAKING LAW!  TAKE THAT AND SHOVE IT!


16th Hematite

Our janitor has gone berserk now.  He killed a stone crafter before the he could be taken down.



20th Hematite

A kobold theif was apprehended today.


26th Hematite

The engraver's murdered his cellmate, so he get's another beating and an additional 200 years of jail time.
An orphaned child named Datan has fallen into melancholy.  He may do as he pleases.


27th Hematite
THIS PLACE!  THIS FREAKING PLACE!  I BROKE SOME THRESHER'S ARM TODAY, AND I'M STILL PISSED OFF!


7th Malachite

Kivish was found jammed inside a coffin today.  Not sure how he got there, or how the guy who's supposed to be in the coffin feels about that.
Itib the gemcutter has been stricken with melancholy, and the imprisoned engraver broke free and attacked his wrestler cellmate.  Didn't quite go so well for him as it did last time.


8th Malachite
I'M FREAKING ANGRY AGAIN!  KUBUK, I'LL CATCH YOU FOR YOUR CRIMES, AND WHEN I DO, I'LL PUNCH YOU IN YOUR STUPID FACE AND STICK YOU IN A CELL LIKE THE OTHERS!


14th Malachite
Stukos, a mason, has been struck by melancholy.


18th Malachite

Oh, gee golly, how could this possibly be!?

20th Malachite

Asob, a planter went berserk in the middle of a party.


24th Malachite
Amost, a mason, has gone berserk.


6th Galena
Zasit the woodcrafter died of thirst today, and Sarvesh the wrestler got murdered by Zefon the engraver, who is currently sentenced to 595 days in prison.  Population is currently 102.


8th Galena
The melancholy gemcutter finally died of thirst today.


10th Galena
Kel Avelkib, our best woodcutter, has fallen into melancholy, too.


13th Galena

Imush has gone berserk.  He threshed a thresher while a wrestler strangled his leg.


18th Galena
Imush has finally been put down by a different wrestler, after having his legs strangled for five whole days.  The thresher finally bled to death just a little later.  Obok the carpenter has started running naked down the halls while screaming about socks.  Tun Iklistfikod, a miner, also murdered Aban, and animal trainer.  Population is down to 98.


20th Galena

Rovod, a bone carver, has gone berserk.


22nd Galena
Somebody smothered the baroness.


23rd Galena

I don't even know how he got down in there.


24th Galena

Obok, our best cook, was found dead in a pool of blood.  In fact, I just realized the entire entryway is covered in blood.  Where is the janit- oh, right.


25th Galena

Iden, a miller, has gone berserk in the barracks.


1st Limestone

Dastot, a child, is the berserker of the day.  What a great way to start off fall...
Oh, and somebody got murdered?

Population is down to 89, depression rates have gone up, dwarves refusing food and drink, some injured, possibly crippled for life, royalty murdered... it can't possibly get any more worse, can it?

So I guess I'm now on my last season.  I can't believe I've screwed up so bad.  :D
I don't know whether to carve out more rooms, or carve out more tombs, or make new furniture to replace all that was smashed.

[Μarkham]

[EARLY AUTUMN]

1st Limestone

Just after finishing the last entry, Cerol, a bone carver was beaten to death with Migruralak, our artifact malachite bracelet.
Also a donkey died.

Also Atiz, a wrestler deid of thirst.
Also so has Kel, woodworker.
Also so has Olon, gemcutter
Also so has Stukos, mason
Also Thikut Rothotam, Baron Consort's mandate has ended because Thikut Rothotam has ended.

Also erith, Bone carver has drowned.
Also a mule has died.
Also I AM THROWING A TANTRUM AGAIN.  BRB, I HAVE SOME TAXES TO PAY.


5th Limestone

A child does as a child pleases.  This child is pleased by murderous bloodshed.  Kids will be kids.


6th Limestone
I discovered that two coffins were being used for a horse and a bull.  This will be fixed.


8th Limestone
Coffin production has ground to a halt since Likast, or last mason of considerable skill went melancholy.


9th Limestone

Our tax collecter has paid his final dues, and Kikrost, a cook, has gone berserk.


After he was dealt with, Dakost, a peasant, was murdered and Cog the metalsmith went berserk as well.  Fortunately a cage trap stopped him. (at this poit there are 27 corpses, and Dastot and another dwarf's were forbidden, so I'm guessing their corpses have been thrown around at some point)



10th Limestone
Sazir, miner, and Mistem, fish cleaner, have been stricken with melancholy.


12th Limestone

Kumil, peasant, has gone berserk.


13th Limestone

Olon, Tanner, has gone berserk.


14th Limestone

I looked out this gloomy, rainy evening, and saw that the caravan from the mountainhomes has arrived.  They don't know what is in store for them.  Or maybe they can, just from the sight of the broken, muddy rubble of what used to be a complete road.  I'd send someone out to tell them to turn back, that it wasn't worth the trouble, but I fear that whomever I send may not make it to them without plunging themselves into a lake.


Aw, crap.


...and we loose one of the two remaining miners who aren't crazy or crippled, along with a craftsdwarf and a woodcutter.


17th Limestone

Another child gone berserk.

Also, our mayer has gone completely mad, so a recall and a special election were held.


19th Limestone

Oddom, a peasant, has gone berserk.  Our replacement mayor also seems to have died.


21st Limestone
A butcher has died of thirst.


22nd Limestone
A miller died today, and a furnace operator ran off screaming.


28th Limestone
Ustuth, a woodcutter died at a party today.


1st Sandstone
Kadol, woodcutter has fallen into melancholy today.






Uh... one game month, population's down to 66.  15 are crazy, and about 20 are resting or crippled.  Food and beer stocks are okay, which is fortunate, since I don't think any cooks or brewers remain alive at this point.

[Dacke]

[Chaoseed]

...
...:D
...What the hell happened?
...
...:D

[mcccclean]

The imprisoned engraver broke free and attacked his wrestler cellmate.  Didn't quite go so well for him as it did last time.
Sarvesh the wrestler got murdered by Zefon the engraver, who is currently sentenced to 595 days in prison.

This sort of thing is exactly why DF is the best game.

[Titch]

I bet someone carved Boatmurdered elephants into the wall and all the dwarfs that look at them go beserk.

[Μarkham]

[MID AUTUMN]

9th Sandstone
Another peasant gone insane.

11th Sandstone
Some crazy animal caretaker's died from thirst.

12th Sandstone

Our only useful miner's mined himself off a ledge today and messed himself up.  I'll have to check if there are any sane peasants to do channel duty for a while.

Another carpenter died of thirst.

15th Sandstone
A peasant and Rovod, an engraver have died.

16th Sandstone
A fish cleaner has died today.

19th Sandstone
A woodcutter died of thirst today.

23rd Sandstone
A carpenter and a woodburner died today.
...and a stoneworker.

25th Sandstone

So much death... I can't keep track of it all... an axedwarf, a carpenter... some others...


A peasant went berserk.  I need to replace my replacement miner now.  Population is down to 51.

26th Sandstone
Another peasant gone insane.  Time to replace my replacement replacement miner.

28th Sandstone
An engraver and the crazy miner died of thirst.

30th Sandstone
An armorer and metalsmith have starved to death.
Population 49.  Once 119 strong, over half a year we have had 70 deaths.  20 remain wounded.  6 crazy.  Is there light at the end of this tunnel?

We've been shoving all our dead down here.  It isn't very dignified, but we really don't have much of an option at this point.

Vucar, metalsmith, is currently sentenced to 50 hammerstrikes and 226 days in prison.  The hammerer is unconscious with a broken arm.
I am currently sentenced to a beating and 401 days in prison.  Good luck with that one.
Kubuk is currently sentenced to a beating and 426 days in prison.
Ingiz the woodburner is currently sentenced to 50 hammerstrikes and 426 days in prison.
Inod, stonecrafter, is currently sentenced to a beating and 551 days in prison.
Zefon the engraver is currently sentenced to a beating and 626 days in prison.

[Μarkham]

[LATE AUTUMN]
3rd Timber

Inod, stone crafter's gone berserk.


4th Timber
A weaver's died from thirst.


10th Timber
Atis, jeweler, has starved to death.


11th Timber
Uvash, wrestler, has died of thirst.




12th Timber
Replacement replacement replacement miner got himself arrested.  Time to find another.


23rd Timber

Oops.


24th Timber

Crap.


26th Timber

Stop trying to swim, guys.

I'm pulling Rakust out of wrestling for now, until we get more non-crippled dwarves here.

Also, a leatherworker died of thirst.  Isn't that great...?


28th Timber
Melbil, peasant, starved to death.


1st Moonstone

Zefon the engraver's gone berserk.  That's it.  I'm outta here.


Population: 40
Wounded: 19
Crazy: 3
Berserk: 1

[The Helmauthors Map]
[The region files]

---
Things to do:
New bedrooms may not be necessary at this point.
More coffins and tombs for the ~80 dead.
The Goblin Smasher still needs floors and stairs channeled out.
Some roads are broken up.
The wall is up, but the floodgates never got connected.  The north entrance doesn't have floodgates at all.
The metalworking area is fully functional, with an ashery almost created above it (with room for a sandbag stockpile), and a sand-collection area above that.  Once things finally calm down, you should be able to produce all the steel and clear glass you need for the next potentially-fortress-destroying super project.

[Afinostux]

Holy crap, those berserk dwarf chain reactions are like a zombie apocalypse.

[Chaoseed]

Wow...Damn.  Actually, I think this is technically known as a tantrum spiral.

Okay, I've updated the Helmauthors page! The save file is now archived for anyone who might want to take a crack at it.

So, uh...Should I go back and poke at the queue to see if anyone wants to try again?  Or should I try "renewing" the queue?

Either way, it'll have to wait for tomorrow.

[Afinostux]

Giv'r a poke. I'm still interested for sure.

[Chaoseed]

Welllllll...I had skipped Dacke earlier, because he (she?) said he didn't have time to do it. And now you say you're up for it, ZeuglinRush, so...If you're interested, you can take it.

[Dacke]

Cool! You go ZeuglinRush!

he (she?)

Here is a picture of me as a dolphin:

[Chaoseed]

he (she?)

Here is a picture of me as a dolphin:

Not helping!

[hackedhead]

Not helping!

Glad I'm not the only one that thought that. =P

No body type/language markers. No fashion markers. No hair.

Androgyny++.

 


Back on Topic:

Moar DF Updates Please.

This fortress is too hilarious. It's starting to read suspiciously like Boatmurdered. hahaha.
I am going to have to install a windows VM to play DF soon.

[Dacke]

Hihi, I know
But as you can see on my profile, I totally have a penis.


I really wish I hade the time and skill to take this game on. I hope it's still possible to save the fortress!

[Afinostux]

kay I'm good for it I think. I'll start today, and see what I can come up with.

[Afinostux]

Early winter:
Oh god, helmauthors is an accident waiting to happen. Raw materials and industry are pretty damn good, but morale. MORALE. PIGS HAVE MORE MORALE. Pigs don't even know what to do with morale. They'd just shit in it. Dwarves know what to do with morale though. More specifically, they know what to do when they have none: Throw a fit and kick kittens in the nuts.

First order of business is definately going to be to make the peasantry happy, while the second order of business is to keep the gentry happy. As it is, I can only conclude that every previous manager of the fortress have hated dwarves.



Wah wah wah you don't have a home cry some more and eat cake too fatty.

At least there are more than enough quarters now, what with everyone being horribly maimed and killed. It's like every fifth person I come across is trying to commit suicide.

I have found a microcline lever. It appears to be under construction, although I am having some trouble discerning its function. I fully intend to pull it next time the shit hits the fan.

Holy goddamn two dead dwarves. Where did they come from. Far too much crap to make coffins for. I will commence construction of a super rad egypt style pyramid thing to pile dead morons in. That little square piece of terrain will serve as the base. It will also allow me to rain arrows on goblin and horse raids.



Just as I thought I had everything under control, a champion goes berzerk in the middle of the hospital. The rage zombie of the now award goes to Tun Thottokomarren von Longname.



Protip: the patients did not make a full recovery.



He was struck down very very shortly afterwards by the entire remaining military. A peasant and a douchebag with a lame job both went berzerk on seeing him. Fortress population is now 30. I have resorted to pile graveyards.

The hospital full of dead people is starting to stink.

Another champion gone berserk. I think it will continue untill the population drops below some sort of critical mass, almost like a nuclear reaction of pure unbridled rage. The more champions go berserk, the faster it gets there, so more power to 'em at this point. It's not like there's a hell of a lot I can do about it. 6 people just flipped their shit in about 4 minutes realtime.

HOLY GOD THERE IS ONLY ONE CHAMPION THAT IS NOT BERSERK. TOO MANY. TOOOO MANNYYY

although now they are infighting, which sorta self regulates a little.
The captain of the guard has been heroicly guarding a doorway. By heroically guarding I mean a champion appears to have a broomhandle shoved up his ass and is mopping the ceiling with his beard. There goes any hope of raising morale.

Population is now 22. Ima take a break. All the above appears to have happened in the span of about 5 days of game time. I get the feeling that this place is hooped, but there's still a small chance the madness will stop.

On that note, an incredibly cool carving.

Spiffeh arts, suicidal mans.