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[michaelplzno]

It just makes me sad, is this a sad game?

When I was just starting out I wanted to inspire people, am I telling a sad story now? I watch all these shows about badasses taking on systems that are so full of trivial concessions to hide larger problems. "Yes, the world you live in is an illusion built on even more illusions designed to placate and force you to accept how utterly powerless good people are. Breaking one wall only reveals thousands more that also need breaking. Even the methods of resisting this crooked system are crooked. But that's a little long to print on a tshirt, so who cares?"

I'm too old to fight against a complex multi tiered prison that stacks layer on layer ad infinity. Obviously the more unfair the system the more satisfying it is to break. But as I sit here, I literally don't know if I'm in the same world as everyone else or if I'm just moving my fingers over a keyboard that does nothing more than click while I stare at some bright lights that are somewhat pleasing. After you struggle with all your might for years eventually you get tired.

"In the morning I'd awake, and I couldn't remember. What is love and what is hate? The calculation error. Oh, why does it matter? Is to love just a waste? How can it matter? Oh, as the dawn began to break, I had to surrender. The universe will have its way. Too powerful to master."





Is that my life: I just confront these problems, call them out, and never get the satisfaction of watching the death star explode? Its vulgar to be able to know I had an impact in the world, but is it so wrong to want that happy ending? Or do I have to pay extra for that?

Does my life, er I mean um the game I'm designing, have an act 3?

[Ramos]

I don't know Michael, but sometimes the ketchup tastes better.

[michaelplzno]

I don't understand, ketchup like the food accessory that I and everyone else loves but is considered to be "non gourmet?" Or ketchup like the baby tomato that got squashed and had to catchup?

Edit: or do you mean that the ending feels more rewarding if you struggle for it?

[Ramos]

I don't understand, ketchup like the food accessory that I and everyone else loves but is considered to be "non gourmet?" Or ketchup like the baby tomato that got squashed and had to catchup?

Edit: or do you mean that the ending feels more rewarding if you struggle for it?

YES!

[michaelplzno]

I guess I should make my classic joke about writing a book about my struggle?

I resist vehemently creating opportunities for artistic sadism, mostly I want to make these suits and stiffs who say:

 oh, you gotta suffer for your art,
 go network and party with successful people,
 be nice even if they are bad people because they are powerful,
 be respectful even if they don't create any art and don't push people to create,
 powerful people have earned the right to look down on and be dismissive of the less powerful,
 don't experience the joy of expressing yourself freely because that's just not good,
 learn to enjoy pain and make it a part of you because that is what god wants.

I want these ghouls to be the bad guy but I'm told rebelling against the concept of pain is too deviant or offensive, its just "airing my grievances" and apparently no one can relate. Most people get enough illusory concessions and then accept the prison they've built for themselves. Are we all in some simulation that is just conditioning us to enjoy some "heaven" aka a prison for the soul that is the compensation for all the injuries the soul suffers in this painful reality?

The reward in a game, in a life, as an artist, isn't in the journey or the destination, it isn't getting some gold star, or even a really big check, its living well, doing interesting work and getting rewarded for it, having meaningful friendships and relationships based on trust and honesty. An exceptional life free of pain is what I want, for my self and for everyone, and I would slap God almighty in the face if he suggests that human beings deserve any less.

[michaelplzno]

Why can't ketchup bottles just work? Why do they have to produce that irritating liquid and just generally be difficult? Its a small thing but its also the death of a thousand cuts: there is so much in life that is like the ketchup bottle, and we are to learn that accepting this struggle is good for you? That when you do beat the obstacles its fun?

I call bullshit on that.

[michaelplzno]

[michaelplzno]

I have dreams where I talk to people in my own dream and I try to tell them that its all just made up, "look at all the little details that are wrong." They never accept it. I threaten to wake up and just go on with my life, they still won't listen. I wonder what happens when I wake up, are they still running around in my brain?

[Ramos]

I guess I should make my classic joke about writing a book about my struggle?

I resist vehemently creating opportunities for artistic sadism, mostly I want to make these suits and stiffs who say:

 oh, you gotta suffer for your art,
 go network and party with successful people,
 be nice even if they are bad people because they are powerful,
 be respectful even if they don't create any art and don't push people to create,
 powerful people have earned the right to look down on and be dismissive of the less powerful,
 don't experience the joy of expressing yourself freely because that's just not good,
 learn to enjoy pain and make it a part of you because that is what god wants.

I want these ghouls to be the bad guy but I'm told rebelling against the concept of pain is too deviant or offensive, its just "airing my grievances" and apparently no one can relate. Most people get enough illusory concessions and then accept the prison they've built for themselves. Are we all in some simulation that is just conditioning us to enjoy some "heaven" aka a prison for the soul that is the compensation for all the injuries the soul suffers in this painful reality?

The reward in a game, in a life, as an artist, isn't in the journey or the destination, it isn't getting some gold star, or even a really big check, its living well, doing interesting work and getting rewarded for it, having meaningful friendships and relationships based on trust and honesty. An exceptional life free of pain is what I want, for my self and for everyone, and I would slap God almighty in the face if he suggests that human beings deserve any less.

I think it's all a matter of perspective.
Man, I wish I could write as elegantly as you do but I am a lost cause in some aspects.

Nevertheless, I still stand by my statement: it's all a matter of how YOU see things.

[Ramos]

[michaelplzno]

I think it's all a matter of perspective.
Man, I wish I could write as elegantly as you do but I am a lost cause in some aspects.

Nevertheless, I still stand by my statement: it's all a matter of how YOU see things.

Writing, and thinking, the way I do comes with several side effects you wouldn't probably like. As they point out in Rick and Morty's latest season, "Creativity is adjacent to mental illness." I'm light-years better at expressing my thoughts than I was when I was in school, but if I had it to do over again, I'm fairly sure I wouldn't want to go through what I've gone through no matter what the reward is. The funny thing is that there hasn't really been a reward so far, I'm glad you are being complimentary though, it fills the hole in my heart.

As much as I've tried to enjoy the struggle, I would say its fair to describe my learning process up to this point to be somewhat "torturous" even though I got to watch a lot of my favorite media, in the end I've spent so long feeling isolated and less than other creative people, like a splinter in my heart that I can't remove.

Do I fear death?
*Obviously I'm the immortal squid guy in your video, the pirate character looks nothing like my current avatar.*
No. Quite the contrary, on some days I crave it.

I still can't get past art coming from pain, in terms of my perspective. I'm sure there are tons of people who would love to be me (though no one tells me that.) but I'd imagine not having to starve or "get a real job" or deal with a lot of what is considered the human experience would seem like an irresistible blessing to some. The pain people face typically is much more than the trivial problems I have operating a ketchup bottle. Still, it seems we have to suffer no matter how high up the tower we get, you just get a better view up here. If freedom is the highest ideal, its so high up there that its something God only knows.

As Desert, Here's a bit of writing I'm proud of, its no Idiocracy "Late" but it might leave you satisfied and smiling:

[Ramos]

I don't want to read that huge text wall but I do want to see your car game finished 

[michaelplzno]

Lol, Huge? yes, I'm quite girthy. This just contributes to the vagaries of perception: Its 5 paragraphs and some dialog. However, don't force yourself, lol. I want to get better at trimming the fat and also literally losing weight, so I won't insist.

[Ramos]

Man dont change the subject, what is the status of the car game ? the one with nice lego feel animations

[michaelplzno]

https://xanadu.live will launch when I have my own distribution system set up, here is a video of our publishing platform:





We are making our own version of steam combined with twitter/facebook. Once that is ready I will publish a version of xanadu.live to go with it.

[michaelplzno]

idk where to put this so here ya go:

[michaelplzno]

[michaelplzno]

[Ramos]

That`s the spirit Michael!

Now keep on sculpting your creation


 

[michaelplzno]

Its very difficult to work and get such a cold reception, thank you for your kind words.