-----Part 1-----
A core problem I see with the campaign may be poor first impressions being generated in the discovery area. What do visitors see: the project title, thumbnail and description.
The project title is fine.
The current project description is "A pixel art platformer where you will struggle for ascension". It begins by invoking a description that has become a stigma in indie gaming. There are many 2D pixel art platformers on the market. It is something that 2D pixel art platformers have to constant fight up-hill against. HardcoreGamer's article even opened with the note of it being easy to skip over such games. As well, there are many many low effort 2D platformers on Kickstarter that are "low-effort" project pages without much to them. The "struggle for ascension" only hints at the theme of the game. It should be possible to improve the description.
I wonder if "sidescroller" is more accurate to use than "platformer". While there is jumping, it seems to be more ledge-graps and working through the terrain. It isn't like a Mario game where there is constant jumping required to do everything. Prince of Persia was mentioned in this thread as an influence.
The current project thumbnail has no logo or title graphic. This may have been done for artistic reasons. Some project pages look unwell with the amount of clutter like platform logos and multiple badges. In this case the lack of work on the project thumbnail reinforces the impression that it is a low-effort campaign (Remember this part of the critique is only about the 3 pieces visible in the discover area). Many low-effort campaigns are seen using just a plain image without any extras. Falling down in the popularity rankings and a low number of backers also reinforces that perception the project isn't worth clicking.
The art of the project thumbnail is good. The protagonist does get covered a bit by the play button, but not too badly. The blues and yellow stands out. It looks like concept art which is both good and bad. Many low-effort projects will slap on some commissioned concept art, so frequent backers don't fall for it as easily as they did back in 2012. Tower of Samsara
is not a low-effort project. There is very good potential inside, but casual browsers of the discover area might not be able to see that on just the outer layer which many projects try to puff up better looking than it really is. The games pixel art is strong, but potential backers don't know that the in-game art is about par with that strong piece of art in the project thumbnail.
When the pitch video starts it has a repeating walk cycle of the protagonist. It fades through a bunch of backdrops with flat terrain beneath his feet. A potential backer may suspect this is mock-up footage. It also isn't the most exciting start and doesn't show off one of the by far biggest strengths which is the pixel art animations (especially for the enemies). An alternate version of the video with the first 24 seconds of the current pitch removed could be tested. Many viewers are lost in the first few seconds of a pitch video.
-----Part 2-----
The problem I previously mentioned is that it took much more effort to skim the project page than usual.
First there is the visuals. The project page is really really tall.
The awards/quotes section takes up a very significant amount of vertical space. There is lots of whitespace that feels wasted. An example of one way to salvage vertical space would be to put the Desctructoid quote to the right side of the Destructoid logo, instead of below, by making it an image. The image could also potentially be hyperlinked to the article the quote came from. The same idea could be applied to salvaging space in the team members section.
Under the project subsection are 7 large animated GIFs that almost fill the width of the project page body. Such GIFs would normally be used to break up walls of paragraphs. Here they are just stacked one-on-top-of-the-other. The GIFs themselves are good.
The paragraph about the hermetic champion has a giant tall image following it. The two deities images could be shrunk and but side-by-side. So much of the project page could have space saving layouts applied. If people want to see an image in more detail, you could hyperlink a smaller version of the image to a larger version they can load in another web browser tab.
I looked at the scrollbar size in web browser tab. Tower of Samsara's project page body is very very tall. It is even taller than Chronicles of Elyria tall project body.
Second there is the information conveyed by the project page text.
It is good that the platform information is relatively near the top, but other key selling points aren't near the top. I then go looking for the next paragraph to read. It is all the way down past where the $500 tier is. When I actually get to the section about the 6 different realms the text is good, but it was a mini adventure just to scroll down that far. Casual visitors are more likely to give up by then.
The karma system is actually one of the most attractive selling points I see for the game, but it is way way down below the talks of the wormhole device. A sort of Undertale or Trigun style pacifism is something many gamers are now welcoming as an option. It is an angle that some bloggers can use to cover the game.
This next bit is not intended to offend: most potential buyers are going to care much more about the game play than the lore. The amount of lore is burying the info about gameplay/mechanics/abilities. I double-checked to see if I missed any embedded YouTube videos on the project page; there weren't any. The videos I remembers watching were in this thread.
There is also information not on the project page. I had to go digging. I had to learn about the 3 main types of attacks (horizontal/vertical/thrust) from this thread. The YouTube videos conveyed much more information than the pitch video. Seeing the controller tutorial prompts appear was very good. The force push was explained in the thread. In modern Internet marketing there is the concept of minimizing how many layers or mouse clicks are needed to get to information. The more layers, the fewer people will make it to that information. Instead of a strong concise summary, the game's selling points are littered around different places.
When the lamp is talked about, it would be good to go more specific instead of being generic or ending with only a brief note. The environmental manipulation may be one of the core selling points. Examples of it warding off ghosts or revealing a hidden path would be shown. Sometimes talking about a feature isn't enough. Sometimes it has to be shown in action to be easier to understand.
SUPERHOT is an example on the extreme end of the spectrum for achieving a summary of core gameplay very quickly. To convey what the essence of the game is, the devs just need to show some brief footage of dodging a bullet while saying "Time only moves when you move" and then show a bullet blow away the enemy. The brain of an experienced gamer can then rapidly fill in the details they need to decide if they are interested.
Part of the act of copywriting a project page is condensing and organizing the information into one easy to find spot. It is sometimes the process of wrangling a unique selling point to focus upon above all the other selling points. Sometimes the focus in on creating a specific emotional response like a sense of mystery, nostalgia or a challenge. There is also the traditional exploration of why the game is worth playing, why the team is the right team for the job and what are the benefits of its features. The project page for Tower of Samsara may need a few iterations of polishing.
-----Part 3-----
Most of the problems seem fixable. The game itself should be able to reach such a minimum goal. The rewards structure could work in its current form. The big problem will be gaining enough momentum.
It is possible to experiment with different project thumbnails. If one doesn't work, another might. At the end of the campaign you upload the image you want to keep.
Sometimes an Imgur public gallery post or a /r/gamedev Marketing Monday post can be used to test how the copywriting of the project is received.
Trying to get more exposure within the Souls community may be something to prioritize. Comparing a game to Dark Souls can be a bit tricky and there can be backlash. The franchise means different things to different people. For some its difficulty. Others its atmosphere, the bonfire system or the stamina depletion system. When you do make comparisons, try to be as specific as possible about how the two games are similar. The haiku system has already been described as similar to the bloodstain/notes system.
What kind of skills are being tested? Patience, reaction speed, timing, planning and combinations are examples. The game may be attractive to those who require a challenge from gaming. It isn't too clear how easy or hard the game is intended to be on the normal difficulty setting.
The boss for Pluto with the falling swords is one of the strongest pieces of promotable material I see on the project page.
The particle effects and visuals like the ragged cloth blowing in the wind could be good project update material. Submitting tutorials to places like /r/gamedev is one method to promote a project.
It is still possible for the current run to be successful because of how relatively low the minimum goal is. As pxloto mentioned, a playable demo can significantly help with traffic. The graphs for Moira show the benefit of Jesse Cox's video.
http://i.imgur.com/hhFN4vZ.pngIf playable demo is prepared, I'd recommend sending a playable build to Liam of the Super Best Friends Play. Why? He is known as a strong supporter of the PS Vita. In general the game fits with what they show on their channel and they've had discussions about wanting to see more Dark Souls inspired games in the future. If you can't prepare a demo soon enough, you could try to at least get a mention on their podcast. That podcast often talks about active Kickstarter campaigns. Woolie is their member that manages the podcast.
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